You may have noticed I’ve read a few books about friendship recently, and I think this one is probably the best. It’s straight to the point, clear and direct with solid suggestions and implications, all while being Christ-focussed and God honouring.
Roberts says that true friendship is crucial - we all need it - and it is close. If you are married, your spouse should be your best friend. But all of us should have truly close friends. It is also constant - we should challenge ourselves by asking “what kind of friend am I?”, rather than “who will be my friend?” or “where are my friends?” Are we the person they would turn to in a time of need? Close friendships require four things: for us to be selective, open, interested, and committed. It takes time and energy to grow and maintain friendships.
True friendship is also candid. Not only are we to be honest with others, but we are to allow others to be honest with us - including inviting challenge and rebuke. I appreciated his warning to those who are in Christian leadership - ensure you have some people around you who are willing to speak honestly to you about your faults and failings. It takes grace to respond to criticism, and Roberts suggests: expect it, examine it, and then endure it. Counter to this, true friendship is also careful. We are gentle and speak with love to each other as we walk together. I appreciated the included wisdom from Gordon MacDonald that while I want friendships where I can be myself, I also want to be encouraged to be better than myself, growing in Christ-likeness. Finally, true friendship is Christ-centred. In the end, our desires for friendships will never be met fully on earth. But they are met in Christ.
At under 90 pages, it’s quick to read and I got a lot out of it. There is much wisdom expressed very succinctly. Taking more time over it, talking through it with someone, or exploring the discussion questions at the end of each chapter would provide even more benefit.