7 Myths about Singleness

7 Myths about Singleness, Sam Allberry (Crossway, 2019)

Sometimes when I write a review, I want to say: “Just read it”. This is one of those times.

This is a great book for everyone - single and married alike. Allberry notes we are in an era where marriage is held up as the model for Christians. That it somehow signifies completeness, maturity, and having made it. Singleness therefore is seen as deficient, lesser, and a second prize.

We forget that it hasn’t always been like this. Jesus was single - and in no way deficient or incomplete as a human. The apostle Paul presented lofty views of marriage as a symbol of Christ and the church (Eph 5), yet still suggested singleness was preferable (1 Cor 7). In past times, being single to serve Christ was an honourable choice.

Allberry’s purpose is to show again the inherent goodness of singleness. (He defines singleness as being unmarried and committed to sexual abstinence). It is not bad to be single, rather it is valuable and good. He does so by working through seven myths: 

1. Singleness is too hard. One element of this is the perception that celibacy is too much to ask, yet sexual expression does not define our humanity. Allberry points out that marriage is also difficult. 1 Cor 7 argues that married life is more complicated, and singleness is more straightforward. 
2. Singleness requires a special calling. This pushes back on the idea that the gift of singleness is given to some, and you need that special power to cope with being single. 
3. Singleness means no intimacy. Great comments on friendships and their many benefits. Our culture has so raised the idea of romantic love to be the ideal form of expression, that we are unable to see the value of deep, close, intimate, yet non-sexual friendships. 
4. Singleness means no family. As Christians, the nuclear family does not have precedence over the larger family of God. Allberry shares many stories of how he has been part of families’ lives, providing the reader with many practical ideas. 
5. Singleness hinders ministry. Rather, there are benefits of being single in ministry, including more flexibility and responsiveness. At the same time, he acknowledges the costs, such as the time needed to run a household on your own. For those who think their single pastor cannot speak into their family life, he counters that pastors do not need to experience a life situation to be able to speak from God’s word about it. 
6. Singleness wastes your sexuality. This returns to some of the ideas of chapter 1. The ongoing feeling of restlessness and longing for more can point us to our creator God and the reality of the gospel in fulfilling every need. “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.” 
7. Singleness is easy. Having taken six chapters to explore the benefits of singleness, this speaks honestly about the pain of being single and acknowledges that it can be very hard. For those who struggle, this gives voice to their pain.

Allberry is balanced throughout. This is not a book that upholds singleness at the expense of marriage. Both are honoured, valued, and esteemed. I appreciated his conclusion. Yes, singleness is good. But, really the main point is that God is good, and we can trust him to care for us and be with us, whatever our relational situation.