tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2416089578031996468.post6993459602515562019..comments2023-11-09T07:13:39.461+10:30Comments on Musings: for women only (part 7) - visual imagesWendyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235980969755979085noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2416089578031996468.post-606724268174019732010-04-12T20:34:48.582+09:302010-04-12T20:34:48.582+09:30Thanks Anonymous for your comments as well, much a...Thanks Anonymous for your comments as well, much appreciated and very honest. Sounds like you and your husband have worked through this together well and I can see how doing so will indeeed bring you closer. Thanks.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11235980969755979085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2416089578031996468.post-49808524846579894612010-04-12T20:28:09.607+09:302010-04-12T20:28:09.607+09:30Dear Anonymous
What a reassuringly honest comment,...Dear Anonymous<br />What a reassuringly honest comment, written skillfully too!<br />You have described my own life exactly.<br />Only...I'm a woman.<br />It is worth being transparent with an understanding spouse and journeying this sometimes terrifying predicament together.<br />With time, we personally have come to laugh at this phenomenon and take it in our stride, using each other to keep accountable. It is not my husband with the issue I must re-inforce, this is my own walk but it has given both of us remarkable empathy for those who wander unwittingly into marital sin. It's so easy to do, and so very, very lethal. And can affect either partner!!<br />We have now set up tight boundaries that work for the two of us, as keeping accountable to an outsider is not an option in our opinion. One of the first rules of this is for us to confess each 'attraction' as soon as it surfaces. Nipping it in the bud like this doesn't take away the feelings, but neutralises the way they can transfer into the landmine territory of the secret thought-life. Then we pray together. Next we tenderly devise a plan to either protect me from seeing that person alone, or involving a way for both of us to relate to that person in healthy manner. <br />It certainly adds a dimension to our lives every now and again that brings us closer together! I am blessed though with a non-judgmental man who remembers his covenant to protect and cherish me daily.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2416089578031996468.post-60686468111760248562009-12-02T16:49:37.186+10:302009-12-02T16:49:37.186+10:30Thanks for being willing to comment Anonymous, tha...Thanks for being willing to comment Anonymous, that takes some guts. I cannot answer your question as to whether other guys experience the same thing. <br /><br />My only suggestion (which you seem to be aware of, if not already doing) is to have another male friend who you can be accountable to and who will ask you if you are always being appropriate and managing your feelings, etc in a right way. <br /><br />Hopefully you can also be honest with your wife about it, but if it happens regularly I suppose those could be hard conversations to keep having... <br /><br />I hope some men comment too!<br /><br />WendyWendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11235980969755979085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2416089578031996468.post-42951317246149355452009-12-02T08:42:06.600+10:302009-12-02T08:42:06.600+10:30I've decided to comment on this, but I've ...I've decided to comment on this, but I've decided to stay anonymous as well.<br /><br />This might be a bit different to what this chapter is talking about, but there are certain women that my body seems just hardwired to react to the way they look with "Wow."<br /><br />I don't mean J-Lo or Keira Knightley. They're attractive, but I can shrug them off fairly easily. I mean certain women who most men would just walk past without a second look but something about them leaves me jaw-saggingly lost for words.<br /><br />The first time this happened to me I thought I'd "fallen in love" even though I was already married and it took a long time to figure out that that isn't what it is.<br /><br />I've met three women who have this effect on me. The first was someone I knew socially, and caused quite a bit of trouble for my marriage. The second was someone I met at a party, and I was aware enough to think, "Hang on, I've only known this person for three minutes, this feeling can't mean what I think it does." The third is someone I currently work with, and I've learnt now not to react to the feeling. It is still inconvenient though!<br /><br />I want to be clear that I love my wife dearly and have never acted unfaithfully toward her. I also cherish her, including the way she looks. I find it really frustrating, then, that there are other women who seem to have this very unwelcome effect on me, apparently without knowing it, just by the way they look. It's taken me quite a bit of time and pain to learn that this is just something about how my body works and not to react to it.<br /><br />I'm not sure if this is a common experience for other men or if there is something strange about me and how I work - I'd be interested to hear from others.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com