Do I Need Boundaries? is a new addition to the growing Ask the Christian Counsellor series by New Growth Press, many of which I have reviewed. Helpful overarching principles are outlined in the opening chapters. He is rightly concerned that boundary language is overused, often to justify cancelling people or cutting off relationships. Yet, God calls us to sacrificial relationships, where we are to love and please God, and love others. Of course, some boundaries are needed for safety, and we all have limited time and resources. But we need to be aware of the risk of erecting boundaries with the sole goal of meeting our own needs.
Nine brief chapters then provide case studies to explain his principles, covering topics like workaholism, extended family, finances, sexual boundaries, failure to launch and screen addiction. As such, numerous life stages and relationship complications are included. Each provides biblical wisdom and insights into how one might approach the situation, often allowing for the freedom to choose different responses.
However, there are limitations to instruction through primarily short, specific examples. Some may find it hard to transfer to their situation if it doesn’t match their circumstances. In addition, the language used throughout was often “we must”, “we need”, “we must not”, suggesting a directive counselling approach. However, the primary concern is that because each chapter was so short, it felt like the issues were simplified. For example, the few pages on boundaries with a family that perpetrated abuse did not mention the possible major trauma impact on the survivor. Case-study solutions were presented as if they were relatively quick to determine and enact, but in reality, they may be very difficult and often not resolved for years after much counsel and prayer. It felt that the real-life complications of the proposed situations were not adequately acknowledged.
For those who want to think about boundaries, it’s a helpful starting point. For a quick summary of his thinking, see this blog post. Newheiser also provides a critique of the Cloud and Townsend boundary books, which some may find interesting.
Nine brief chapters then provide case studies to explain his principles, covering topics like workaholism, extended family, finances, sexual boundaries, failure to launch and screen addiction. As such, numerous life stages and relationship complications are included. Each provides biblical wisdom and insights into how one might approach the situation, often allowing for the freedom to choose different responses.
However, there are limitations to instruction through primarily short, specific examples. Some may find it hard to transfer to their situation if it doesn’t match their circumstances. In addition, the language used throughout was often “we must”, “we need”, “we must not”, suggesting a directive counselling approach. However, the primary concern is that because each chapter was so short, it felt like the issues were simplified. For example, the few pages on boundaries with a family that perpetrated abuse did not mention the possible major trauma impact on the survivor. Case-study solutions were presented as if they were relatively quick to determine and enact, but in reality, they may be very difficult and often not resolved for years after much counsel and prayer. It felt that the real-life complications of the proposed situations were not adequately acknowledged.
For those who want to think about boundaries, it’s a helpful starting point. For a quick summary of his thinking, see this blog post. Newheiser also provides a critique of the Cloud and Townsend boundary books, which some may find interesting.
I received an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
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