After Church Hurt

After Church Hurt, Timothy St. John (New Growth Press, 2026)

This is a compassionate, understanding and gospel-centred book that seeks to address the real pain people experience when they have been hurt by the church. St. John has landed on a specific definition of church hurt, wanting to be clear that he is not talking about the usual misunderstandings and conflicts that happen in Christian communities, but rather: 

"Any unrepentant sin that is minimised, normalised, or promoted by a church’s culture and its leadership.”

This could include things such as sexual abuse and broken trust, mocking and public shaming, deception by leadership, financial mismanagement, neglect of people in need, staff intimidation, overwork of staff or volunteers, or mandatory giving requirements. He acknowledges that hurt can be inflicted upon congregation members by leaders, and also upon church leaders and staff by elders or congregations.

Chapters explore:

1. The reality of church hurt: “(its) never just ordinary hardship. It's a trap that draws people in with the promise of making them disciples of Christ, only to twist scripture and the name of Christ to enslave them into seeking someone else's self-centred kingdom.” Yet in the midst of it, we are called to remember that Christ remains faithful 
2. Understanding the pain of church hurt. This helps people find a voice for what has happened with the help of scripture. Part of this is an exploration of what the church’s culture was and how it led to this. There are insightful questions that may help people process. 
3. Embracing God's grace. Explores the challenges of embracing God’s grace after church hurt. How the fear of man, anger, anxiety and shame can impact us, and how to move towards Christ again. 
4. Moving towards community again. This explores when one should leave a church, how to do so well, and how to carefully re-engage with another community of care. 

Each contains practical help soaked with gospel truth. Throughout are questions to ask about oneself and the situation, aiming for better understanding and ways to move forward. As such, it could be helpful to work through with a trusted friend or mentor.

Two appendices add extra resources. An emotions journal guides the reader through a process of identifying, listening and responding to their emotions faithfully. A Church Culture Assessment provides a 12-part checklist about various areas of a church and its culture. No church could meet all of these, but it may help someone consider what is important to them. Church leaders might also use it to see how their church measures up.

It’s a short book and easy to read. As such, it’s not designed to be an extensive exploration, but rather a help to those who are struggling now, and those who are trying to walk alongside them.


I was given a ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Mental Health and Your Church

Mental Health and Your Church: A Handbook for Biblical Care, Helen Thorne & Dr Steve Midgley (The Good Book Company, 2023)

I had the privilege of attending a day conference recently where Steve Midgley spoke about mental health and the church. It was excellent - biblical, psychologically informed, thoughtful, and nuanced. So, I was pleased to get a copy of this new book he has written with Helen Thorne.

This book is for everyone in churches who wants to care for those with mental health challenges - yet sometimes feel unsure of how to do so and what role the church could have in this space. As they say, the aim is “not to turn you into mental health professionals, but to equip you with knowledge and wisdom, and to help grow that attitude of love and compassion towards those who struggle” (p.17).

The goal is to help everyone to see that caring for one another is what we are called to, especially for those who bear more burdens in life. While mental illness is hard, it is normality for many in our church, and “despite the hardships of those struggling and the complexity for those trying to care, one thing is certain: when the local church is acting as a local church can, the results for all involved can be a delight and not a burden.” (p.14)

The first section is about understanding mental illness. Firstly, diagnosis - and the qualifier that a mental health diagnosis is more a description than an explanation. And God speaks to these situations:

“What we want to resist is the idea that mental-health disorders place people into such a distinct category that Scripture no longer has a voice there.” (p.29)

They present a biblical understanding of humanity: where our hearts (from which come our thoughts, emotions, decisions, etc) are embodied in a physical frame, located in the world (the place we are, our circumstances, society, etc).

“An understanding of mental health and mental illness that seeks to do justice to the Bible’s understanding of people must make room for all these factors: our physical bodies, our cultural and personal circumstances and the activity of our hearts.” (p.39)

They discuss medication and talking therapies, providing sensible and balanced perspectives on each (both positive and negative) and how faith intersects with them:

“If we can redeem the wisdom found is psychology and learn to apply the grace of the gospel and the power of Scripture to one another’s lives, we will have a talking therapy that surpasses all other talking therapies. We will profit from the ultimate psychotherapy - God’s own gospel plan for the healing of our souls.” (p.64)

The second section explores what a church can do. In the end - it’s neither nothing nor everything, there are a range of options and opportunities which include just loving people well in their complexity. This section focuses on what is achievable for most churches:

• helping people feel welcomed by raising awareness - talk about mental health challenges in a way that shows it’s part of normal human experience. 
• helping people feel loved 
• helping people remember their identity - both in God (forgiven, secure and free) and as part of God’s people. “Understanding truth about God and themselves won’t erase mental illness, but it will provide a beacon of hope within it.” (p. 100) 
• helping people be refined to be more like Jesus 
• helping people persevere - including ways to practically resource 

Throughout, they also acknowledge the need to support carers and those who walk alongside those who struggle.

“The basic rule is to step toward those in need, but to do so with humility - asking them about their struggles and doing lots of listening rather than lots of advising.” (p. 131)

The final section explores through what this might look like in a church through extended examples. These consider someone struggling with depression, anxiety, addition, psychosis, and a carer.

In the end, Thorne and Midgley acknowledge that this book won’t make anyone an expert, “but we do hope it will encourage some of you who read it to turn toward those struggle when previously you might have moved away.” (187)

Highly recommended for all of us in churches - whether leaders or members - whether personally connected with mental health struggles or not. In the love of Christ and with his people, we can all walk this road better together.

The Church as a Culture of Care

The Church as a Culture of Care: Finding Hope in Biblical Community, T. Dale Johnson Jr. (New Growth Press, 2021)

Johnson is an experienced biblical counsellor, and he has written this book for church leaders and elders, seeking to re-establish the church as the central place of soul care. He challenges the perception that secular psychology has outdated the church, but rather proposes than God has equipped people for every function of the care of souls, placing Jesus at the centre of restoration. He states that “this book is intended to be an admission of our failure and an exhortation to arise and reclaim the church as a culture of care” (p. 4).

He starts by expounding that God made the church to care for people, and then outlines a biblical vision for the church to be a culture of care: because God first cared for us, it is for his glory and for our good.

“Every aspect of the work of the such intended to care for souls. Preaching, shepherding, one-anothering, church discipline, missionary proclamation, personal obedience - all are intended to awaken or strengthen the soul to live faithfully and peacefully in a war-torn and sin-cursed world.” (p17)

The third chapter (when the church doesn’t care) was one of the strongest, and one those in church leadership would do well to ponder. Johnson outlines how we have embraced secular psychology, abdicated discipleship, and we hesitate to obey and apply God’s word. He explores the costs that this has had, the one that struck me was our changed view of the church - with an aversion to church discipline, the specialisation of the pastorate, and the lack of discipleship. Another point rang true for me, based on my current study experience - eclecticism is now valued, rather than a over-arching systematic approach:

“What is in vogue at the moment is a smattering of methodologies used at the discretion of the therapist from an ever expanding toolbox” (p. 50).

The following four chapters continue to expand his biblical vision of the church as the centre of soul care:

• Christ as the head of the church - we must submit to him and glorify him 
• Christ as our good shepherd - because the rule and authority of Jesus is always “tethered to love and gentleness”. There is a detailed look at what it means for Christ to be our shepherd, and how we are to listen to him and depend on him in response. 
• The care of under-shepherds - what it means for pastors and elders to minister and care, and to equip the saints for works of ministry. 
• Equipping the saints - because pastors forget that God has called the whole church to care for each other. 

The final chapter (counselling in the local church) was also very good, with Johnson making the distinction between preventative and intensive soul care. Preventative care should be a normal part of the one-anothering life of the church:

“every believer is to be engaged in the care of souls within the body of Christ, and as such they will provide “counsel” or wisdom for living during the course of their normal conversations. Every member of the body is called to minister the Word to one another” (p. 145).

Intensive care is that which requires immediate attention through formal counselling or intensive discipleship. Formal counselling ministry is not intended to subvert or deter normal care within the body of Christ, rather: 

“it is the overflow of healthy biblical discipling and caring relationships that creates a demand for a more formal counselling ministry” (p. 149).

This is a helpful offering to assist church leaders consider why biblical soul care and counselling is an essential part of the the role of the church. I felt it was more wordy that it needed to be, and yet still didn’t get specifically practical, in terms of how a church or a pastor might go about making change. Some of the discussion questions might help people to get to that place on their own, but I imagine others might be left feeling, “I agree, but what do I actually do now?”

Having said that, he has laid excellent groundwork for churches to think through their own culture of care, what they may be missing, and the reasons for that. Numerous people would benefit if these principles were put in place in more churches.

An ecopy of this book was given in exchange for an honest review.

God Made Me for Worship

God Made Me for Worship, Jared Kennedy 

This new volume in the God Made Me series helps young children to understand the purpose of church and what happens when we are there.

Like others in the series (God Made All of Me, God Made Me AND You, God made Boys and Girls, and God Made Me Unique) although all have different authors, they have a similar feel, both with way they have been collated, and with the eye-catching illustrations of Trish Mahoney.

It starts with a group of children talking to their pastor and wanting to understand why they do the things they do in church.

Then young readers are introduced to various parts of a worship service: the call to worship, praise and adoration, confession and lament, assurance, welcome (or passing the peace), ministry of the word (reading and preaching the bible), communion, giving, and the benediction. Variations between this expression and your church’s own would be easy to explain (eg. in our church no-one shouts out “That’s right! Amen!” during the preaching). And, of course, whether you have all these elements in your own church service will reflect your own churchmanship. Frankly, if some key parts are missing in your church, even parents should start to ask why. 

All of these are explained through the lens of the gospel, showing how what Christ has done for us is reflected in a worship service. My guess is, that this is a step many of us miss when we explain church to our children, for we may not have fully grasped it ourselves. 

I would have liked to see a bit more on prayer, because I hope a church would be praying more broadly that only in confession. I also felt bringing Isaiah 6 in was probably a bit more complicated than was necessary for this age group. I think this may be the first in the series with a parent that is not a believer, the father picks up the little girl and her mother after, and she is keen to tell him what she has learnt. That’s a helpful addition and reflects the reality of numerous families.

Another solid addition to the God Made Me series, aimed at those who are 4-8.

I received a pdf copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 

This is my home

Due to an odd convergence of various events I have just missed five straight weeks at our church (that’s right, over an entire month of Sundays). Aghast some may be – what? the minister’s wife was gone from church! Is that allowed? Is she OK? What poor choices was she making? Can we even ask?

Rest easy, friends; they were legitimate reasons. Some sickness, some visiting other churches, some were unusual commitments for children that made sense to prioritise.

What has my time away shown me?

1. I can be legalistic

No surprises there.

I believe church is important and that we should prioritise going weekly, with almost no exception. But I can also make it an unbreakable rule (the unforgivable sin perhaps?) “Thou shalt attend church every single week”. I felt guilty for not being there.

My husband, who sees the bigger picture, and is much better at extending grace and mercy; reminded me that of course we prioritise meeting with God’s people, but there are times when you cannot. God knows our hearts and our motivations. Our entire lives are to be lived to the glory of God, in faithfulness to him, not only for two hours on a Sunday morning.

A surprising benefit of this absence was seen in my daughter, who was annoyed at how much church she missed. Her heart was in the right place: she wanted to meet with the people of God, but understood that for a brief time she couldn’t.

2. Not going to church could easily become habitual

I have more appreciation of how easy it is to let other things creep into Sunday mornings:

• work commitments: “I must get this job done”
• kids’ sport: “Oh, just this season”
• the gym class: “But it’s the best one all week, and I don’t have time elsewhere”
• the fun run: “It’s just one Sunday” (they are all on Sundays)
• that birthday party: “Well, she is her best friend”
• that family lunch: “It is Mother’s Day”
• rest: “I am so tired”

It doesn’t take long and church can easily fall way down the priority list.

3. Christian fellowship is sweet, and a gift from God

In Life Together, Bonhoeffer encourages that “the physical presence of other Christians is a source of incomparable joy and strength to the believer” and it is purely by grace that we are able to live amongst other Christians.

I first grasped this three years ago when holidaying in Dubai with a friend who was a cross-cultural worker in Central Asia. It was a priority to be there for two weeks of church so she could have as much time with the community of Christ as possible. Observing her joy at worshipping with other believers (having little opportunity in her usual location), gave me fresh eyes to appreciate the fellowship and communal worship that I experience weekly.

Bonhoeffer warns that the gift of fellowship is “easily disregarded and trodden underfoot by those who have it every day”. We know that “familiarity can breed contempt” and while I was by no means contemptuous of our gathering, there were times when I could be a little jaded.

My own time away, short as it was, meant that when I returned the singing was more uplifting, the preaching more encouraging, the prayers more Christ-exalting, and the conversation more precious. The things we do each week had become a little more significant. At what other time could I raise my voice loudly in songs of praise with multiple other believers? Why would I stand and declare my faith in the Apostle’s Creed elsewhere? What other time would I hear teaching on a passage that was not my own choosing? How would I know the news of our gathering, from farewells and illnesses, to welcoming to new babies? How else would I sit under the biblical, joyful prayers of another believer? The church is where most of these things happen, and it is a marvellous privilege to meet regularly with the people of God.

4. Other churches are not my home

I love visiting other churches and count it a remarkable privilege. I can connect with other believers, and am led to thank God for their growth in faith and love, their perseverance and faith both in trials and in joys (as per 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4). It’s a gift to spend time with the wider body of Christ.

However, I am increasingly convicted that my home church is where I should be regularly. The commitment of God’s people to one place for a long period of time, has great benefit as together we encourage, strengthen and grow the body of Christ. Time alongside people means you know each other’s struggles and joys and how you might support or challenge appropriately. Hopefully, you notice when someone is new and when someone is absent, so that people can be genuinely welcomed and followed up.

There is a special connection with these brothers and sisters. I share with them, confess to them, pray for them, pray with them, and delight to see them progressing in the faith. I see their giftings and how they use them faithfully. I grieve when they grieve and rejoice when they rejoice. They are my family.

5. I didn’t notice how much I missed my home until I returned

This is where reality hit. I knew I was not at church, I wasn’t seeing people and wasn’t worshipping with the people of God. But I didn’t truly grasp the lack until I returned. Only by again being part of the gathering did I realise what had been missing.

But what if I didn’t have to go back? Wasn’t truly convicted that it was part of my commitment to the body of Christ? [Wasn’t a minister’s wife and had to go?]

It could become easier and easier to stay away. I might feel embarrassed it had been so long. I might be frustrated no one realised I was missing. I might feel chastened if someone contacted me to find out why I had been absent.

And so, dear friends, if you are finding church hard, if you find it easy to stay away, if you think no one notices you are gone, let me encourage you from the words of Hebrews 10:19-25 that:

• We can have confidence to approach God, because Christ has died for us.
• We can draw near to him with a sincere heart and with full assurance of faith.
• We can hold unswervingly to the hope of Christ that we profess, because God who promises is faithful.
• Each one of us is needed to spur one each other to love and good deeds.

So therefore – let us not give up meeting together, but encourage one another all the more (at the very least, by turning up on Sunday), as we see the day of Christ approaching.


This was first posted on The Gospel Coalition Australia.