Cyber Parenting

Cyber Parenting: Raising your kids in an online world, James & Simone Boswell

I really liked this book: it is helpful, practical and biblical. The Boswells have done parents of today’s children a great benefit. Being Australian it fits perfectly with our context, although as it deals with an online world, it is appropriate for everywhere.

The most grounding part of this book is the reminder again and again that as parents today we are facing nothing new. Although some technology, social media, gaming, etc are new for our generation, the issues they raise are as old as time. The Boswells take us back to the words of Ecclesiastes, showing that all the issues with technology today are the same issues of the heart that people have faced for thousands of years – be they wisdom, self-control, where we find our value and what we make our idols. I found this incredibly reassuring, for at times I can feel a bit panicky about parenting children in our online world. This helped me to remember that all issues are heart issues and God knows about them all.

It is divided into four parts:

1. The basics: introducing the impact of technology and some basic technological details for those that need it. Here and throughout the book they emphasise again and again it is about the heart. “Parenting is more than setting up eternal rules. Parenting is about getting to the heart of our children, training them in right living, investing in their lives and helping them to understand a biblical world view” (p30).

2. A look at the basics of parenting – how we want to teach our children about the Lord and his word, and train them in godliness and character. With this in mind, they talk about a biblical world view and then many areas of character we want to train our children in: such as honesty, integrity, patience, etiquette, contentment and self-control. While all of these are applied to the world of technology it is clear that these are characteristics we want to raise our children in, no matter whether they are online or offline. This section then moves to consider issues such as trust and responsibility, teaching wise choices and developing maturity. All of this is very helpful.

3. Then they move to address the four main areas of the online world: social networking (with an emphasis on Facebook), cyber bullying, gaming and pornography. This was full of wisdom and practical suggestions, and is essential reading for parents of children who are already online or soon to be.

4. The final section deals with the practical areas of managing your networks, security, passwords and parenting controls. These are the tips to help you set up a safe online environment. Of course, these go alongside the active role of teaching in parenting, yet are useful things to have in place in the home and on various devices.

In the end, this book is an excellent reminder that as parents we are called to parent with wisdom and grace, to be involved and aware, and to deal with issues of the heart. We should have practical boundaries and measures in place, but not rely on them to do the job of parenting for us.

I will definitely continue to refer to this one in years to come as we navigate the online world with our children.

You can see a little bit of it online here.

Facebook - what to do?

I have now been on facebook for 3 years. In that time I have developed a love/hate relationship with it. I check it several times a day. I want to know what certain friends are up to on a daily basis. For other people, I want to read about the big events. Every couple of months, I consider cancelling my account. In fact this very week I received this email from a friend:

I thought I'd let you know that I have deactivated my facebook account. It wasn't good for me. It indulged voyeuristic tendencies (reading other people's conversations) or made me feel like I was missing things when I didn't go online. So if you would like to contact me, just use good old-fashioned email.

Sometimes, I wish I had this friend's resolve.

Another friend has commented to me they have lost respect for other Christians because of the self-indulgent time-wasting nonsense they regularly write. That certainly made me think.


Here are some of the ways I have chosen to manage facebook:

• I hide everyone who writes too much. Especially if you post about nothing. You fill up my page with your stuff and I just don’t have the energy to sift though it all.
• I hide people I don’t know well. If I don’t talk to you in person, I don’t tend to read your stuff.
• I use the privacy settings a lot. Many people can’t see all my photos, or my status updates.
• Please, if you never write anything – give us an update once a week or so. Over 75% of my facebook friends never write anything and I would love to hear what they are up to.
• I must look at it less. This has been an issue with me for almost the whole 3 years.

In the end, I don't think facebook is wrong or evil. Some things it offers are great. Yet I continue to be uncomfortable with it. It appeals to my addictive personality. I lack self-control in many things, and this is just another one of them.


My current decision is this:

1. I will keep my facebook account for now
2. I need to keep analysing why I use it and how
3. I am going to restrict my facebook time to 10mins, once per day
   
4. I am going to try some facebook holidays - a day offline every week, and perhaps even a week offline every month.

Ahhh, the dilemmas of the online life.*





* which, when compared to many people's actual lives, are nothing indeed!

10 things I hate about facebook

On Monday I shared 10 things I love about facebook. Here is the other list: 10 things I hate about facebook.

1. It’s a lazy way of sharing information – just throw it out there to everyone.
2. It’s hard to be humble on facebook – it’s all about me, my status and what I am doing.
3. You start to think in ‘status’ updates (or “how would I write this on facebook?”).
4. You have to read so much rubbish to actually get to the useful information. It is apparent that some people feel even the most mundane events of their lives are worth sharing. On this point, I truly wish there was a scoring system for news. eg. 5 stars for major life events, 3 or 4 stars for interesting things or useful thoughts that are worth sharing, 2 stars for general daily info and 1 star for the rubbish that no-one cares about (eg. what you ate for dinner or the fact that your dog is cute).
5. Every time they change the format, it becomes less user friendly and harder to sift through - I don’t want to read your comments on a friend that I don’t know. I don’t want to see one of your friend’s photos. Please people - change your privacy settings to ‘friends only’ for everything!!
6. You fall for the lie that if you weren’t on facebook there may be crucial news you would miss out on.
7. If you don’t check it every day, you can miss major news (yes, I know that this clashes with the sentiment in #6!)
8. I really wonder how private any of it is? I now get junk emails from facebook pretenders.
9. It seems to me that a massive number of people (including a significant number of people in paid ministry) waste a lot of time on facebook. And the cynic in me wonders – why are they not talking to people face-to-face about real things??
10. It is an extraordinary time waster. This is not disputed by anyone who uses it. But no-one seems concerned about it.

Conclusions to come…

10 things I love about facebook

Chances are if you read a blog like this, you are on facebook. The online life all mingles together till we spend all our lives in front of a screen instead in front of another person’s face. However, there are pros to such things.

So here, dear readers, are 10 things I love about facebook:

1. You can keep up with current friends and their daily activities.
2. You can catch up with old friends, and fill in the gaps of many years.
3. You hear about big events in people’s lives – engagements, births, etc.
4. You find out about things quickly.
5. It’s an easy way of knowing what friends are up to, without actually talking to them. (although I still wonder whether that is actually a good thing!)
6. When you catch up with someone, you often know things that have been happening because of their facebook updates, so you can be somewhat informed.
7. If you want to find someone you have lost touch with, facebook is a good starting point.
8. You can purposefully be encouraging or edifying in your status updates.
9. Sometimes you learn something important and can pass that information on to others who care to know, or should know (but aren’t on facebook). eg. your husband who ministers to young people who are all on facebook.
10. Status updates from missionaries. Almost all the missionaries we support are on facebook, and I love the insight into daily life that it gives, in a very different way than prayer points (this is also why I enjoy missionaries personal blogs).
    

But facebook and I do not have a purely loving relationship.

Come back on Wednesday to see the counter: 10 things I hate about facebook.