Being Involved at School

[This article went up on TGCA last week, and is an updated version of a previous post] 

As we dive into yet another school year, have you considered what your involvement as a parent might be?

We’re now into our 11th consecutive year at the same local primary school. It’s been a great opportunity to develop long-term relationships with students, parents, teachers and staff. Our school is multi-lingual and multi-cultural with immigrant families, as well as the usual mix of born and bred Australians. It’s also a bastion of secular, inclusive thought. Jesus calls us to be salt and light to those around us (Matt 5:13-15), and for our ministry family, the local school is the only place where we regularly spend time with unbelievers.

There are many ways a parent could be involved, but as with all things, no-one can or should do everything. Our involvement has varied greatly over the years. We reassess annually and also consider it a ‘joint task’: sometimes my husband has been more involved with a sports team or on the council, which means I do less; other times it’s reversed.

Here’s what we’ve prioritised:

1. Get to know the teachers

We ask about their families, weekend, holidays, so that not every conversation is about our child. It acknowledges their humanity: they aren’t just there to teach our child, they have a life with ups and downs just like we do. To our children, it models respect as well as understanding for those in authority.

I’ve realised this isn’t what all parents do. Each year, teachers have thanked us for being so supportive of them and the class. We just thought we were taking an interest, but apparently, it stands out.

As they progress through the years, this is trickier as I go into the classroom less. But I’ve observed most teachers really appreciate it when you occasionally come into the classroom in the senior years.

2. Get involved in the school community

We’ve been involved in various ways: committees, Governing Council, sports coaching, listening to reading, testing times tables, going on excursions, and hosting events for class parents. When senior management change, I make an effort to meet them. I try to know the office staff by name, and again being a friendly, cheerful face with no agenda appears to be a refreshing change.

In the early years, I committed to more than I could manage and ended up feeling guilty about pulling out of something. These days I do less and feel guilty for not getting more involved! It’s always a bit of a balancing act. But God gives grace, and we are reminded it’s a privilege to serve the school community, even when it can be time-consuming and challenging.

3. Get to know the children

When I went into the classroom, the main benefit was meeting the children, as well as understanding the class dynamics. In later years, an excursion can help fill in the knowledge gap. Even one day spent with a class gives you an insight into relationships and dynamics.

I pray that my children will be good friends (Prov 17:17, 18:24) and have helpful friendships (Prov 27:17). Observing these interactions can help identify friendships to encourage, both for the sake of my child and for other children.

4. Get to know the parents and families

This is easier in the first few years. When each child began we hosted get-to-know-you events for parents. Having them in our home started many friendships that continue today. We are called to hospitality (Heb 13:2, 1 Pet 4:9), and the school community is included in that.

In later years, this happened through sporting teams. For a while, we knew all the soccer families, and now it’s the netball families.

I think we should prioritise looking out for people that aren’t already connected. It’s a funny thing, primary school. The parents seem to be in cliques too: cool parents, sporty parents, committee parents, and others. As Christian parents, we want to be welcoming, inclusive and hospitable. This should include migrant families, who in my observation are often not included by Australian parents. Let’s be the friendly ones—some of these parents are very lonely. Secondly, let’s be helpful—there’s a certain culture to any school, which takes everyone time to figure out. Throw in some ethnic differences and I imagine some are left wondering what’s going on (eg. lunch orders, swimming lessons, how excursions work). One of my friends has just started a part-time job in her children’s school to do exactly these things—help the international parents assimilate.

5. Pray for the school

We certainly pray for the school, students, teachers and families privately and as a family.

For a time, a group of Christians mums from school met once a term to pray and it was very encouraging. While we no longer meet, we’ve seen God answer those prayers in two amazing ways:

1. Our school now has a Pastoral Care Worker funded 2 days-a-week. She is a cheerful presence amongst the staff and students and is greatly valued by management. We started praying for this when our son started, that prayer was answered when he was in his final year!
2. A group of Christian families have run an out-of-hours gingerbread house event for three years. We can speak about being Christian and advertise the churches we attend. It is fast becoming a highlight annual event for school families.

We’ve loved being involved in our school community. It certainly takes time and effort, but it’s worth it—for our kids, for us, and hopefully, for the people we meet and support along the way.

How might you consider being involved in your school community?

(We have two children in upper primary. Our eldest is now in the wilds of Year 10 at high school. We've chosen to keep our main involvement at primary school, rather than split our efforts between two schools!)

Interview with TGCA

The Gospel Coalition Australia website currently has a series on the ups and downs of studying theology. I was privileged to be able to contribute to it.

TGCA: What were the high-points and low-points of studying theology? 

The main highpoint was studying together. Being able to study in the same areas at the same time meant we grew together significantly in our understanding of God, His word and His world, and it was formative for our first five years of marriage. Aligned with that was that we both invested in friendships in our year group, especially as we lived on campus for the whole four years. The fellowship opportunities through bible study groups and women’s fellowships, and the connection with lecturers and their wives, were also foundational as we thought through what being a ‘ministry’ wife’ might look like for me.

Overall we loved it and there were very few low-points. It was learning curve to realise my husband didn’t want to sit next to me every day in lectures (why not?!), and we had to negotiate space for both of us to study effectively in a small house. It did knock my competitive spirit a bit, realising just how much more academically skilled my husband was than me, but that wasn’t a surprise!

You can read the rest here.

Olympics

Whenever the Olympics (or any similar major sporting event) take place, there is a mixture of emotions - interest in some sports and apathy in many others, amazement and horror at the money spent to stage such events, and a realisation again of how much we idolise physical success and perfection.   Sometimes I wonder what God thinks of it all.

In an attempt to marshall some of these thoughts, I have written a prayer.  Click over to The Prayer project if you are interested.

Some posts to look at

There have been a couple of good posts & articles related to various aspects of parenting I have seen lately, you might like to have a look:

When your mother says she's fat: a heart wrenching letter from one daughter to her mother.

The lost years of girlhood by Steve Biddulph: the importance of being around as parents for our 10-14 year old daughters.

7 things you don't know about a special needs parent by Maria Lin: a great article voicing the reality for special needs parents and then explaining it to those who aren't.

A letter to patients with chronic disease - from a doctor's point of view.  Actually this one is for any one with chronic disease but I found out about it from a parent of a child with special needs.

The Prayer Project

Dear blog readers

I have started a new project. 

For some time I have been endeavouring to write out prayers.  I find it helps me to turn scripture into prayer, to think about what I have read more and to how to apply it.

I now have a collection of prayers from the bible, from other sources and from my own thoughts. 

I have decided to put them into a blog, in the hope they might also be helpful for others.

I would love you all to have a look around the site and tell me what you think. 

The prayer project: Prayers for personal use

Thanks

Book Spine Poetry

I was tagged by Jean to do a book spine poem.

I have decided to do one of the stages of a woman's life (or at least mine to this point!) 

for women only
Girl stuff
Everywoman
The single issue
Loves me, loves me not
Of marriageable age
The first years of forever
Couplehood
Sheet music
10,000 baby names
And then I had kids
Naked motherhood
The memory keeper's daughter
Getting real


This was fun.

I want to do another one, but most of the Christian books that I want to use are in my husband's office.  Must make a visit in...

Lots of fellow bloggers have already had a go, but if you want to - go ahead and let me know.  Or, if you are not a blogger, send me a photo of yours if you like!

Grief just is

Following on from yesterday's reference to Sarie's blog, there is another great article there by Narelle Jarrett on the grief of singleness. Here is an extract:

Grief demands to be recognized and allowed to be what it is - an uncontrollable emotional response - sadness - in the experience of a great loss.

No one chooses grief - it just is.
It sweeps across us unexpectedly, it catches us by surprise and it refuses to disappear just because we want it to.

It demands acknowledgement, it demands that we pay attention. That is why it is so cruel when we are called to 'trust God and get on with serving'.... In most instances we are in fact already doing just that...

Because the griefs of singleness and of not having children are so deep, so real and so totally right, they can't be dismissed or dealt with by anything other than allowing ourselves to grieve. Grieving with the friends who understand and who don't imply we are being self centred or self-pitying or even that we're doubting God's goodness. Such hurtful and totally inappropriate, even cruel responses to women and men in grief, do not help. In fact they add to the isolation and loneliness of grief.

It's a good, honest article, which many of us would benefit from. Read the whole post here.

Fruitful children

I was honoured to be a guest blogger last week. Sarie invited me to submit a piece for her blog Complementarity and Culture for her series on complementarity and family. She asked for a piece of Scripture which has affected our marriage or parenting. I chose Galatians 5:22-23 and it's impact on our family.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

I have always loved this verse, since my early days in the faith – it seemed to cover all aspects of the Christian life. It was a goal to aim for, even if I knew I failed. Now, as a parent, I find these descriptions now on my tongue, more than they ever were before.

Since the children were born, my regular prayer point – both for my own personal prayer, and for anyone who prays for me – was that I would be more a patient, kind and gentle mother. This is from someone, who at one point, would have thought she really was a rather patient, kind and gentle person! Boy, did having children ever cure me of that delusion!

If you would like to read the rest, click over to Sarie's post.

Some fun photos

For something lighthearted, click over to the girltalkers blog to see some great photos...

How's your health?

I have had occasion to ponder my health this year, as I have followed the blogs of two others who are not in good health.

The first is Husband's cousin's son - a 4 year-old who has had leukaemia this year, he was diagnosed around February, has had a lot of chemo and a bone marrow transplant. While he is certainly still recovering, he is officially in remission, with this post put up by his father a few weeks ago:

To God be the glory
Great things He has done!
The bone marrow transplant
Has healed our dear son!
The latest results of his bone marrow be -
There's no more leukaemia in ...!
Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD! ...

Another friend here in Adelaide has been recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. 


It certainly makes you put your own health in perspective.

• when I survey my increasing grey hair, I thankful I have my hair and have not lost it due to chemotherapy;
• when I ponder what to eat, I am thankful I have an appetite and a taste for food; and
• when I am frustrated at the waiting time at the GP, I am thankful I am not looking at long hospital visits.

But mostly, I am thankful that each of these people and their families trust that God is good and that he cares for them, even in these hard times of bad health.

New blog!

I'm excited to be able to announce a new blog which is launched today.

It's called in tandem - a blog for ministry wives

It's a joint venture with 3 ministry wives, all involved in different ministries, in different cities and each connected with different denominations.

If you fall into the 'ministry wife' category, you might like to join us as we discuss different aspects of a life of full-time ministry from the viewpoint of wives. We will be thinking about various issues and reading through some books together - come over and join us for the journey!

Recipe Meme

Nicole has tagged me on a recipe meme. Oh, the pressure...

Here are the rules:
- Choose one ingredient from her recipe and post a recipe using this ingredient on my blog, linking back to the previous blogs that have posted a recipe.
- Then tag four new people, and we will see how it grows.
- To keep it exciting please post within a week of receiving the tag.

I have selected the chicken from Nicole's recipe, and share with you my chicken casserole recipe, cooked in a slow cooker. I love this meal because it feeds us twice: on the first night as a normal casserole with rice; and on the second night as a pie. I have included both recipes below. (It could be done on the stovetop or in the oven too)

Chicken Casserole
~1.5kgs chicken thighs, cut into pieces
1 onion, chopped
1 packet (250g) short cut bacon, chopped
1 cup chicken stock
1 cup wine (I use rose; white or red is fine, could just use more stock too if preferred)
1 tsp minced garlic
Italian herbs
salt and pepper
4-6 carrots, sliced
~8 mushrooms, sliced
frozen peas
30-40g butter
2 tbsp flour

• fry onion and bacon in olive oil, put in slow cooker
• fry chicken to brown, add to slow cooker
• add stock, wine, herbs, garlic, carrots and mushrooms
• cook on high for 4 hours
• 1 hour before finished, add peas
• 1/2 to 1 hour before finished, mix butter with flour and hot juices, make a paste, then add to casserole (this thickens up the sauce and adds a bit of creaminess)
• serve with rice

Chicken Casserole Pie
1½ sheets frozen short crust pastry, defrosted
2 sheets frozen puff pastry, defrosted
chicken casserole

• blind bake shortcrust pastry in greased pie tin (10-15 mins on 200°C with pastry weights)
• microwave casserole to heat through
• place in pastry shell
• put over 1 sheet of pastry, spray with canola and repeat with other sheet. Fold over pastry at the edges, spray all with canola
• Bake at 200-220°C fan forced for ~40 mins - enough for pastry to brown


I am struggling to figure out who to tag, seeing a number of people I would ask have private blogs...

I will tag Jenny, Sally, Gillian & Tamie. But I will not be offended if you don't continue the meme! Will be a test too, to see if you actually read my blog!

And could anyone enlighten me as to where 'meme' came from???


Photo from stock.xchg

Grief and change

If you have not already found it yourself, I highly recommend Molly Piper's blog.

She has great things to say on a number of different topics, however, the most helpful one is her writing about the stillbirth of her second child, Felicity. She has done a very helpful series titled 'How to help your grieving friend'.

I link to her today because of the post she just put up about how the events of the last 2 years have completely changed them:

One of the things I’ve been grieving this last year is simply that I used to be a happy person. It used to be that my days were primarily happy, with the occasional interruption of melancholy or difficulty. For the last 22 months, the opposite has been mainly true.

One of my good friends uses the phrase “secondary losses.” I think that’s what this year has been—a whole bunch of secondary losses. The loss of innocence. The loss of happiness. The loss of youth.The loss of simplicity. And when you experience those secondary losses, you grieve...

So if you’re a mom like me, living without one (or more) of your children, take heart that this is indeed one of the hardest things you will ever live through. But that also means that you lived.

She has some really good things to say both to those of us who are grieving, and those of us walking beside them.

Get off-line!

I have just read two fascinating posts: one by John Piper and one by Josh Harris, both about using Twitter using church services. John Piper writes:

Josh Harris has done us a good service. He explains why many of us think it's a bad idea to "tweet" while participating in corporate worship. That is, we think you should use Twitter before and after corporate worship to say what you take in and take out. But when you are in corporate worship, Worship! There is a difference between communion with God and commenting on communion with God.

Don't tweet while having sex. Don't tweet while praying with the dying. Don't tweet when your wife is telling you about the kids. There's a season for everything. Multitasking only makes sense when none of the tasks requires heart-engaged, loving attention...

To be honest, it stuns me that these issues even need to be raised. No-one could convince me that being online in a church service, either to Twitter or to Facebook, could possibly help in their ability to sit under the word of God and concentrate.

However, I have been amazed by the number of people I know on Facebook (yes, admission here - I am on Facebook, but not on Twitter) who seem to update their status as they go into church, as they come out of church, and sometimes I suspect in church. And guess what - some of them are ministers!!

Part of me wants to say - who cares really? How much attention to you really pay to people's status updates? Especially from people who are only online 'friends'.

Surely it has to be our priority to encourage the people of God who are with us in person, rather than those out there on-line. Let's have relationships with real people in real time!

Mother's Day

I wonder what Mother's Day means to you. It may cover a large range of emotions, perhaps:

Joy & thankfulness

- for your mother, and your relationship with her

- for your own children, and your relationship with them

- for the encouragement it is to see you mother or children continuing on in the faith and growing stronger

Sadness

- at the distance that separates you from your mother or your children

- because you are estranged from your mother or your children, and you long to repair the rift

- because you watch them make choices that you disagree with, and wonder how to support them

Grief

- at the loss of your mother

- at the loss of your child

- at the loss of the chance to become a mother

Tiredness

- because of the day-to-day realities of being a mum

- because of the need for you to care for your elderly mother

We all experience these emotions at different times, but Mother's Day is one of those days that can bring them out a little more.

***

Girltalk blog has also been picking up these themes in the last few days:

Her children rise up and call her blessed. Proverbs 31:28

Do you have a hard time picturing this ever happening to you? Oh sure, your kids “rise up”--all the time! Your baby may “rise up” and call (very loudly) at 1:00 am and 2:30 am and 5:00 am. Your toddler might “rise up” with temper tantrums or endless calls to meet his needs. Your school-age child might “rise up” and call you to take her to this activity and help her with that book report. Your teenager may “rise up” in anger at your decisions and call you “strict” or “unfair.”

It may be very hard to imagine your children ever rising up to obey you, rising up to ask for your advice, rising up to thank you, rising up to follow your example, rising up to serve you, rising up to call you blessed.

Carolyn encourages mums to continue on, for you will reap if you continue, read the rest here - in a A Weary Mother's Day.

***

And also in A Sad Mother's Day, Carolyn writes about the grief that can be present on Mother's Day.

For you, weariness is merely the byproduct of numbing sadness. You don’t even want to think about Mother’s Day. A day that reminds everyone else of what they have, reminds you of what you’ve lost—as if you needed another reminder.

Maybe your child has rebelled and doesn’t want anything to do with your family. Or maybe you’ve lost a child through death.

I wish I knew the right words to say to you. If I could sit with you today, I would want you to know how inadequate I feel to comfort you. I know that no words of mine can dull the pain. But after I had grieved with you awhile I would remind you of the comfort of the cross.

****

Whatever your emotions on Mother's Day, I hope you have a chance to stop and:

- give thanks for those women who have mothered you and cared for you

- to pray for yourself as you mother and care for the children around you

And to my Mum - I thank God for you.



***
A late addition from another blog The Pipers - talking about the grief on Mother's Day after losing a child, both the post and the comments are especially poignant.

Photos from stock.xchng

Parenting ... at other blogs

I have been unable to blog much lately - there is too much going on in my 'real' life!

However, I have been reading a few other blogs, which I have found helpful. If any of you are parenting teenagers, or approaching those years, you may be interested in looking at the recent series by Carolyn Mahaney on girltalk - mothering teens. There are nuggets of wisdom there which are relevant for parenting at all stages.

Following on from that, she also included some more thoughts on mothering rebellious teens. One especially helpful post was A Mother's Conversation which give 7 reminders of how to have those challenging conversations with your children and do so in a godly way.

More things to think about...!

Photo from stock.xchng