Praying the Scriptures for Your Children

Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, Jodie Berndt

This is a rewritten review of one I posted years ago.  Since I am doing a prayer series, I wanted to redo it and remind you all of its existence.   This book transformed my prayer life 5 years ago and I have never looked back.  I now use biblically based prayers for all my praying and I have detailed categories for prayer than have broadened the scope and depth of my prayers for others.  

She divides the book into 5 sections: faith, character, safety, relationship and future. Each of these is then divided into subsections. Each chapter contains numerous bible verses from which to pray for your children. The best thing about this book is that it focuses your prayer life. Instead of vague prayers such as:

Dear God, please look after A, help him to be safe and to become a Christian

I now pray things like:

• I pray that A will confess with his mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believe in his heart the God raised him from the dead and be saved (Rom 10:9)
• Give A wisdom and understanding. Do not let him forget your words or swerve from them. Cause him to love wisdom and to value it above all worldly desires and accomplishments. (Prov 4:5-7)
• Let A's light shine shine before men, so that they may see his good deeds and praise you, our Father in heaven (Matt 5:16)
• Show A that all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Tim 3:16-17)
• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of A’s mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Eph 4:29)
• Help A to be self-controlled. Let him show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about him. (Titus 2:6-8)

Things I really enjoyed about this book:

• It was easy to read, with lots of anecdotes, and was well structured.
• It gave me better ways to pray
• I love the idea of praying straight from the scriptures, but had never been very good at it, so it set me up with some good principles. You know (as long as you are using the bible appropriately) that you are praying in line with God’s word.
• It challenged me to think about how I pray and how much of my praying can be mechanical and over and done with very quickly.
• It's ‘ready to go’ - each chapter contains the bible verses at the end to use to pray for your children, great for busy mums
• A friend also pointed out that it would a helpful book also for new Christians or people that are learning to pray, and could help them get into good habits

Other comments:

• I do have some hesitation with her use of Scripture at points - when you look up some of her references in context, they don't always seem to fit with her use of them. Most of her general principles are biblically accurate though, I just wouldn't choose that verse necessarily. And like any book, if you do the work yourself as well, you can make those judgments as you read it.
• I felt the scope was too limited. It was great to point out the ways to pray for your children, but the areas for prayer and the prayers themselves could have a much wider application, to my husband, to me, to our friends and others in ministry, for Christians and non-Christians. Therefore, after reading this book, I used her prayers and her layout, and set up a way to do it myself, with a broader scope. In doing so, my goal was to take some of the standard jargon out of my prayer and replace it with scripture, and in so doing, help me to learn more of the bible at the same time.  
• Similarly to above, I thought it was a shame it is so focussed on mothers, because it can restrict the possible audience (what about fathers?).

When I read this with a book group, they raised the following concerns:

• She has a lot of prayers for your children’s future, including their marriages.  However, she does not seem to consider the option of praying for them if they remain single. For example, for contentedness for the parents and the child, or an acknowledgement that it might be God's plan that they remain single.  I don’t want to be closed to that option as a praying parent - rather I pray that my children will make godly and wise choices either in marriage or singleness.
• One of our group was offended (understandably, and personally) that Berndt prayed that her children would marry people from unbroken homes. She felt it was holding the sins of the parents against the child.
• Another of our group thought that her emphasis on Satan was at times unsettling and too strong.

Having said all that, this is a great book.  It remains on my recommended reading list for new mothers, for if it encourages mothers to pray biblically and intelligently for their children, that is a wonderful thing.

A Praying Life

A Praying Life, Paul Miller

If Carson wrote a theologically practical treatise on prayer from Paul’s letters, Paul Miller has written a personal account of how he has learnt to pray over the years and how he has seen God continually work through prayer and the lives of others.

This is a book that convicts you to pray, to pray often and to pray well. I would finish a chapter and want to pray, not because I felt I should, but because I wanted to, and that is probably my highest recommendation of this book: it had me wanting to pray immediately.

Miller’s prayer life has been very shaped by his own family and their struggles. He is very open about the challenges they faced, especially raising a disabled daughter. He knows God led him & his family through this experience to teach them a prayerful dependence on Him, for there was no other way forward.

It is biblical, honest, realistic and purposeful. He deals with issues that many Christians face such as:

• How do we deal with Jesus’ extravagant promises about prayer?
• What about when God doesn’t answer prayer?
• Why we find it hard to ask God for some things?

I found I had to read it with pen and paper to follow through the structure logically. The sections and chapter headings were not entirely obvious and because he used language that I tend not to use (eg. Living in your Father’s story), it took me some time to ‘translate’ it for myself. Having said that, this is great book full of good ideas and personal reflections for anyone who wants to think about prayer and to then turn to praying.

As with any book, I had some hesitations. He was surprisingly critical of the ACTS prayer system (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication) and indeed of any system, yet went on to advocate prayer cards and prayer journaling in detail. I thought there was too little emphasis on how we can use scripture itself to teach us to pray, on praising God himself for his character and works and on praying more widely than our personal circles.

Overall though, it is a great book. Some quotes to whet your appetite:

“One of the subtlest hindrances to prayer is probably the most pervasive. In the broader culture and in our churches, we prize intellect, competency, and wealth. Because we can do life without God, praying seems nice but unnecessary. Money can do what prayer does, and it is quicker and less time-consuming. Our trust in ourselves and in our talents makes us structurally independent of God.” (p16)

“Many assume that the spiritual person is unruffled by life, unfazed by pressure…even a cursory glance at Jesus’ life reveals a busy life… If we love people and have the power to help, then we are going to be busy. Learning to pray doesn’t offer us a less busy life; it offers us a less busy heart. In the midst of outer busyness we can develop an inner quiet” (p23)

“Praying out loud can be helpful because it keeps you from getting lost in your head. It makes your thoughts concrete. But it is more than technique; it is also a statement of faith. You are audibly declaring your belief in a God who is alive.” (p48)

“Prayer is where I do my best work as a husband, dad, worker, and friend. I’m aware of the weeds of unbelief in me and the struggles in other’s lives. The Holy Spirit puts his fingers on issues that only he can solve. I’m actually managing my life though my daily prayer time. I’m shaping my heart, my work, my family – in fact, everything that is dear to me – through prayer in fellowship with my heavenly Father. I’m doing that because I don’t have control over my heart or life or the hearts and lives of those around me. But God does.” (p257)

A Call to Spiritual Reformation

A Call to Spiritual Reformation, D. A. Carson

This is one of those books on prayer that everyone recommends; in fact it has been spoken about and suggested as crucial reading for the last 20 years. It takes me a while to catch up sometimes, but I tend to get there in the end!

I have read through this book over the last few months. It is like mining for treasure. You have to work a bit, it is a bit dense theologically at times and it takes some serious thinking, but the treasures abound. D. A. Carson is a skilled theologian who can explain many a passage. Yet at the same time, he is pastorally sensitive, astute and aware of the struggles many Christians face with prayer.

Combining these two gifts he has written this book which looks at a number of the prayers found in Paul’s letters in the New Testament. Each is filled with detailed explanation of what Paul is praying and why, and how then we as believers should think about prayer. Interspersed are chapters on practical issues such as why we do not pray, how we think about God’s sovereignty related to personal prayer, and how we make sure our prayers are focused on others. I found the first chapter, with eight lessons to learn about prayer incredibly helpful and adopted some immediately myself.

Some of the things I was challenged by are included in Carson’s own words below:

“Christians should pray long enough and honestly enough, at a single session, to get past the feeling of formalism and unreality that attend not a little praying … To enter the spirit of prayer, we must stick to it for a little while. If we "repay until we pray", eventually we will come to delight in God’s presence, to rest in his love, to cherish his will” (p36)

“We must look for signs of grace in the lives of Christians, and give God thanks for them” (p44)

Paul’s prayers are primarily about others not himself, they are “outstanding for the large part intercession for others and thanksgiving for others play in them” (p66)

“What we need, then, is a prayer life that thanks God for the people of God, and then tells the people of God what we thank God for” (p88)

If you are like I was and have not read A Call to Spiritual Reformation yet, even though you have heard about it for years – do yourself a favour - get a copy, put aside time to read a bit of it each day, and go looking for treasure.

I plan to return to it regularly, digest it in small chunks and keep being challenged about how to pray.

Some thoughts on prayer

Over the next month or so, I will be putting up a number of posts about prayer. These will include books about prayer, books of prayers and some ideas for praying with children.

Something to get you thinking, and hopefully even praying!

The Mitford Years

I have recently discovered a new Christian fiction series, The Mitford Years, by Jan Karon.

Eight books in and I am really enjoying them. They are the story of Father Tim Kavanagh, the Episcopalian minister in a small country town of North Carolina. Throughout the books you are introduced to the various members of the town and parish with all the characters and eccentricities you would hope for in a series of novels.

They are charming books, easy to read, lovely to get involved in with a range of people and characters along the way.  While it does border on clichéd and predictable at times, I am OK with that - they are nice clichés and things predictably end well!  And while it is gentle and easy to read on all levels, there are still people and events that are very real. Like any real parish and town, there are people who are struggling with addiction, marriage breakdown and abuse. There are people who gossip and interfere. There are the real saints of any parish, the one who persistently pray, bake, are generous and servant-hearted.

I have enjoyed the way she weaves real faith into each book.  Father Tim is a man who is committed to scripture and prayer, loves his flock and goes out of his way to serve them.  The gospel is clearly explained in each book.  If you want some light, yet ‘salty’ reading, these may well be for you.

Slowing down

One of the things that has continued to surface in my thoughts since reading Love Tears & Autism was that the therapy they decided on for their son’s autism had as a major component the need for their family to slow down.

As I have thought about this further I wonder whether this is advice all parents could heed, not just parents of children with special needs.

I watch families run themselves ragged with school, music, sport and church activities. There is no family time, there is no playtime and there is no ‘relax and find something to do’ time.

It has to be adding to the stress of families and the increasing stress of kids. We expect them to be ready to go, with piano music practiced, sport clothes ready to wear and ready to eat food when we have time to fit it in.

Our family has slowed down a bit this year.  I have pulled out of or said no to a number of things that even 12 months ago I would have thought were not-negotiable and I had to do. Apparently I don’t! There is very little I have to do. Most things I do are because I want to, I like to, I feel like I should, etc. None of them are bad things and almost all of them are very good. But none of them are crucial.

My husband has spent a good deal of our marriage trying to convince me that I am not indispensable. Kindly of course, but nevertheless trying to get me to see that the world continues to turn, ministry continues to happen and the Lord continues to work whether or not I am involved.

This year for the first time, I think I have come to believe him.

What it has meant is that I am more relaxed. I am not rushing from one thing to another. I seem to have (a little) more time and patience with the kids. I do less in the daytime to ensure I have time for my family in the afternoons and evenings.

For the moment there are only a few things that I have decided are crucial and that I will keep doing this year:

• Daily bible reading and prayer
• Prioritising time & energy for my husband and my kids
• Keeping the house running (food, clothes, etc)
• Church & a prayer group

It feels like a very small amount to me. But I have decided these are the best things for me at the moment.

Love Tears & Autism

Love Tears & Autism, Cecily Paterson

I feel like I am slowly learning more about disability. I have a number of friends that have children with special needs and I want to be helpful and supportive. Part of that is trying to understand their life with its various joys and challenges. To not assume, but to ask questions. To be willing to make a mistake in trying to help, in order to learn better ways to be a friend.

Love Tears & Autism, is the story of one family in the first few years of realising their son has autism. Written by the mum and from her point of view it is a raw, honest account of the pre-school years. From the trying to fall pregnant years, to the early happy baby days; from the mild concerns that he wasn’t quite like other kids, to the increasing concern over his tantrums and inflexible behaviour; from a diagnosis of autism to then seeing a way forward with treatment and management. She is bluntly open about her own struggles and frustrations, her crisis of faith, depression and her views on disability.

While it is a highly personal and individual story, it is a great insight for anyone seeking to understand the challenges of a child with autism. Those for whom autism is a part of their life will find understanding and acceptance of their emotions and reactions. For those who do not live with it daily, it gives a good idea of the challenges and how we, as outsiders or supporters, can be of help (or not!)

She challenges all parents to ask themselves “what do you want from your children?” Often it is selfish things. We want our kids to be well-behaved, well-dressed and manageable so that we look like successful parents. She is very honest about her own struggles with this and how she thought she was seen as a parent and whether or not it mattered. She is also achingly honest about how she felt about disability before her son was born and her fears of not being able to love him fully. This openness will be balm to other parents who have wondered the same things but felt unable to express it.

There were times when I swore, usually but not always under my breath.  There were times when I put my head down on the kitchen bench and cried, wishing that it would all go away...

But there were also times when even though I thought I couldn't go on any longer, or do it anymore, that I realised that I loved this child, and if I wasn't going to help him, then no-one would.  It was out of sheer, desperate necessity that I could somehow find another scrap of energy - from either me or from God somehow - to quiet my own angry heart and offer my son the calmness that he needed so much.  (p140-1)

This book is really an introduction to parenting a child with autism. I hope she will go on to write again about the early school and then later teenage years in the future.

For more on the topic of disability, I have also reviewed Take Heart, Ella and You Owe Me Dinner. As for two other points of view on being a parent of a child with a disability, you might want to read the snippets at Welcome to Holland (disability) and Welcome to Beirut (autism). I know a father who has found Welcome to Holland particularly helpful in processing his own feelings about his child with special needs.

Easter reading

Easter is in 3 weeks and as it falls early this year it may have crept up on you by surprise!  For our family, that means it's time to consider how we remember Christ's death and celebrate his resurrection.

There is a lot of great reading material and resources available for adults, children and families these days. 

The following are some of my favourites:

Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross has been my choice for the last 2 years.  Edited by Nancy Guthrie, this selection of 25 excerpts from known preachers and theologians on different aspects of the Easter story has something to offer and challenge in each reading.  I have really enjoyed this one.

Fifty Reasons Jesus Came to Die, by John Piper is also a great way to focus you on Jesus over Easter.  If you are like me you may struggle to articulate 10 reasons why Jesus died, let alone 50!  However each one made me see afresh another part of Jesus' death, why it was essential and why I can be so thankful for his sacrifice.  A more detailed review can be found here.

We will start our own family Easter readings next Monday.  It is 14-day set of readings from Matthew's gospel, each day has a bible reading, a few questions and a prayer. In addition each day matches to a colourful egg which is opened to reveal a special verse for the day and an item to remind us of the bible reading. See previous posts here and here if you would like more details.  If you would like a copy, you can download a booklet to print from here.





Your kids could also do Easter Unscrambled, a resource by the Good Book Company. It's 3 weeks of daily bible reading notes for children (XTB) and also material for families (Table Talk) to do together. We have used this material before and it's always very good. The XTB part would be good for competent (or almost competent) readers who still like activity books, and the Table Talk would be suitable for all.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, Gary Chapman

One of the things my husband and I love about our ministry is helping couples to prepare for marriage. We are in an age where it’s all about the big wedding day, yet little thought goes into preparing both partners for life together (or being two sinful people living side by side).

As part of that, I like to keep up to date with books not only for those who are already married but those who are preparing for marriage.

There are many of these books around and a wander through any Christian bookstore will get you a bag of them. This offering by Gary Chapman (author of the well-known The Five Love Languages, etc) is a good addition to the collection.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married deals with all those misconceptions that we enter into at the beginning of a marriage, which if we are not prepared for or willing to talk about can quickly pop the ‘in love bubble’ and require some serious attention.

With chapters dealing with the following, I’m sure some will ring bells for the marrieds among us who have had to deal with these things:

• That being ‘in love’ is not enough to build a marriage
• That ‘like mother, like daughter’ and ‘like father, like son’ is not a myth
• That toilets are not self-cleaning
• That apologising is a sign of strength
• The forgiveness is not a feeling
• That finances must be discussed & managed
• That mutual sexual fulfilment is not automatic
• That you are marrying into a family
• That different levels of faith /matters of belief impact you deeply
• That personality profoundly influences behaviour.

Every chapter was short, anecdotal and dealt with a very recognisable and common issue. He presented the issues and gave couples ways to talk things through together.

Two things I got out of it from a marriage preparation perspective:

1. We have never suggested couples talk about their roles/jobs in marriage in our preparation time. We talk about Christian roles in marriage and what that might look like. But that is completely different from who will do the finances, wash the car, clean the house, do the washing, cooking, etc. A conversation about who thinks who will do what (at least at the beginning) is a practical and worthwhile conversation to have before you return from your honeymoon and both of you realise neither of you ever planned on cleaning the bathroom!

2. I did not fully agree with his chapter on how personality influences behaviour. These were often comparisons between night owl/early riser, introvert/extrovert, clean/slob, etc. All accurate and helpful points with the exception of the suggestion that you cannot change your/the other person’s personality but you both have to learn to live with it. I completely disagree. You can change these tendencies, and marriage is a continual compromise where we each learn to give a little as we live together and love and serve the other. But, all in all, a minor point.

This is a useful resource for those who are engaged or in a serious relationship and want to think through some of the issues of being together more seriously. The two people I know in these situations who recommended it to me agree!

Wolf Hall

Wolf Hall, Hilary Mantel

This epic story is of Thomas Cromwell, who grew from an obscure poor background to be the most important person in King Henry VIII’s court. He orchestrated the annulment of Henry and Catherine of Aragon’s marriage so the King was free to marry Anne Boleyn.

Now you know I love long books and a good long involved story. But even for me, this one was too long and moved too slowly. I had to make myself read the first third until I got interested in what was happening.

It is set in a time of history which has interested me since learning about it in Year 8 and which most ‘anglos’ will have some knowledge: Tudor England, Henry and his 6 wives. It gives much more detail than most of us will be aware (although written as fiction). You meet other people of history along the way, such as Cranmer and Tyndale, which from a church history point of view is interesting. If you know nothing at all about this period of history, there is a good chance you will be quickly and permanently lost.

This is definitely not one for whom English is a second language. It is not easy to read. Her descriptions of events and people are subtle and you need to pay persistent attention to what is going on, let alone be able to follow an extensive list of characters, many of whom names change throughout as they are either bestowed with new titles or removed them by the king.

My knowledge of Cromwell is so limited I was not exactly sure what happened to him in the end, although considering the time and the probabilities, I was pretty sure he would be executed somewhere down the track. (This is a somewhat embarrassing admission since I suspect we may have covered this in Reformation Church History at Bible College). However, I was a bit disappointed to discover that I have to read on to find out, this is only the first in an intended trilogy. When I have some time and energy I may move on to Bring up the Bodies, but I won’t be rushing into it!

Compared to her...

Compared to her…, Sophie de Witt

I was delighted to receive this from a friend for Christmas, at the time it was proving rather elusive to find and purchase. Now, you can get it easily from The Good Book Company.

I read De Witt’s previous book One to One: A Discipleship Handbook and found it thoroughly useful (hence the series through it on in tandem), so I was eager to read her second offering. De Witt takes the bull by the horns in this book and tackles one of the major issues affecting women and where they find their value and worth, introducing us to a new disease – Compulsive Comparison Syndrome (CCS). I would like to meet a woman who does not struggle with this one!

You know the thoughts that run through your mind:

• “How does she keep so fit?” or “At least I am in better shape than she is”
• “How does she manage to work and look after her family so well?” or “I prepare healthy home-cooked meals, we don’t eat take-away like that”
• “She knows her bible so much better than I do” or “I don’t struggle with that sin anymore”

Sound familiar? Whether it’s about money, husbands, children’s behaviour, jobs, appearance, achievements, education, organisational skills or Christian-ness, we spend our lives comparing up and comparing down. Figuring out where we fit on the big scale of comparison is constantly running around in our heads.

She spends the first half of the book identifying the symptoms of CCS, the triggers that can cause us to think that way and how it affects our relationship with God. She identifies the cause – that we have put ourselves at the centre of our lives rather than God, for in essence everything that drives CCS is sin causing us to look for meaning and blessing in idols rather than God.

In the final chapters she clearly identifies the solution. We must restore God to the centre of our lives. Instead of looking to the things of this world for to give us significance, satisfaction and security, we must keep turning back to God for all of these things. Then she gives time to think about how we live today, in this comparative, competitive world and all the struggles with CCS that we have.

She outlines healthy ways we can use comparison:

• Comparing our lives with Christ (yet trusting in grace continuously because our performance does not affect God’s salvation),
• With others, with both Christians and non-Christians

the solution to CCS is not simply to stop all comparisons. It's to find blessed contentment in Christ, and practice healthy comparison. How do we know the difference? By looking at what our comparison produces. If it’s praise to God, prayer for ourselves, and prayer and practical love for others, then it’s healthy. If it’s envy, or despair, or pride, or any other symptoms of CCS, then we’re allowing something other than Christ to be what we look to for blessing. (p78)

• With myself

it’s useful to ask ourselves: Given the particular load God has given me to carry today, have I acted for Him in all the ways I could have done? How does my day compare with the day I could have had? (p84)

I have read this book through a couple of times, and each time have been struck by it. You can read it in a few hours, but you will keep thinking about it for a long time after. I was very aware of the need to pray and ask God for his forgiveness in my struggle with CCS, yet also was reminded of the hope that there is a way forward that honours God and seeks to live a life free of unhealthy comparison with others. It gave me tools to begin to think about how to change and set out on a life as a recovering –CCS sufferer, yet I remain wary of the risks of relapse!

For those who organise such things, this would be a great book to use for any group of women, from youth group age to the more mature, in small groups, in seminars and large groups, and in mentoring. It has a wide application for many people and I can see many women benefitting from this great little book.



Note: later comment referring to this book on When People and Big and God is Small review. 

Les Misérables

When I was 10 we went to the UK and while in London we went to 3 stage shows. Two fade into insignificance in my mind, but one stood out – Les Misérables. I sat transfixed, on the edge of my seat for the entire 2 hours. When it was finished I was unable to speak, being so overwhelmed with the wonder of what I had just seen. My young mind did not grasp it all especially the more adult themes, but I knew it was a story of great power and about a man whose life was changed by a demonstration of the love of God.

Every time since that I have been in the same city as a stage production of Les Misérables, I have gone. So, I have seen it at least 4 times, and could sing every word of the soundtrack to you by heart.

So it was with excitement yet trepidation that we headed out to see the movie. Would it live up to expectation? Could it possibly be as good as I remembered (I had not seen it live for at least 10 years)? Could all the actors really sing?

Thankfully, the answer was ‘yes’. It was a fantastic rendition. In fact, because of what film can do – clearly tell the story, illustrate in more depth, show faces in much closer detail – it was better. The cast was excellent, their singing mostly superb and the film itself was visually fantastic. I understood the story much more clearly than from the stage production and it filled in details I had not previously grasped. 

I think having seen and recognised the value of the story of Les Mis at such a young age, it actually has left me permanently disappointed with most musicals ever since. In my experience, the majority of musicals have a silly story line. The music is good, granted, but the story is only held together by the music.

In contrast Les Mis is at its core a great story. It is the story of a man’s redemption when shown grace, and his decision to honour God as he tries to face the consequences of his past. At the same time, the music is wonderful. The songs make the show. It is a great gift to be able to write a stirring music score, with realistic words which themselves unfold the story and mostly to do so in rhyme.

As we sat in the theatre I was struck by how many truths of the gospel were being sung to so many unbelievers. It could be a great movie for starting gospel conversations. Where else at the movies do you hear about redemption, grace, the goodness of God and payment for sin? For so many who never hear these things spoken of, Les Mis could be a great place to begin.

However, pick your audience. I saw the stage production at the age of 10, but there is no way I would take my 10 year old to this movie. It is just too adult – the poverty, the filth, the prostitution and despair of the lower classes, let alone the revolution battle. They will have to wait for some time to see this one. Maybe the show will be on stage again sooner!

If it’s not clear yet though - we loved it. If you haven’t seen it - do.

Ghost Child

Ghost Child, Caroline Overington

I have always been a fan of Caroline Overington’s writing: her reporting, her editorial columns and her book about life working in New York with young twins. I even emailed her once about a column she wrote and she sent back a lovely reply, so I grabbed this novel when I saw it on the library shelf.

It is set in the 1980’s in a housing estate in Melbourne where a young boy is found dead on his living room floor. The mother and her de-facto partner are both jailed for the murder, and the 3 siblings are fostered to carers, although it is clear that no-one really knows what happened. That is the basic facts that set up the story and it is established in a few brief pages.

What makes the body of the novel however is the next 20 years as told by a number of different people. Voices include:

- each of the siblings – Lauren, Harley and Hayley

- the detective senior sergeant on the case

- the different foster carers who took in each of the children

- the Anglican priest who conducted the service, and

- the doctors involved in the case.

The presentation of each character was believable, genuine and insightful. In each you could see the point of view of that person and what they had to see. You understood them. Each time you were caught up in someone’s point of view, which was often challenged later by someone else’s. It was excellent at showing the views, prejudices and beliefs that each of us might bring to such a situation.

A good book, which if you got into like I did will only take a day to read but will keep you pondering it for quite a bit longer. 

I will also now look out for some of her other novels.  

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, Dr Megan Best

This recently published offering by Dr Megan Best offers Christians an excellent resource into the minefield that is the ethics surrounding the beginnings of life. Today we live in a world that enables us to choose when and when not to have babies, to decide whether to keep such babies in utero, to screen for potential disabilities and to create babies apart from the act of sex. We are used to such options, in fact most of the Western world has come to expect them as a right.

Yet how often do we stop and think through the ethics of it all? Many of us can testify that as Christians once you do stop and ask questions about contraception, abortion, genetic screening and IVF, you are met either with blank looks of “what is all the fuss about?” or at times, outright hostility from others at bringing ethics into the debate.

But we want to be informed. This book provides the information in one volume that many of us have been looking for for some time. Dr Best starts by clearly explaining the basics of reproduction and then how we would go about forming an ethic around it.  Her view is that life is created from the moment of fertilization (when the egg and sperm fuse).  As Christians, we choose to value any life that is made, no matter how it is made (whether in a woman’s body or in a laboratory), because it is a gift from God.  This therefore informs her ethic of how any life, whether in embryonic or adult form (or anywhere in between), should be preserved and protected.

From there she leads the reader step by step through the minefield that is modern medicine, technology and reproduction, with chapters addressing:

- contraception

- abortion

- screening procedures in pregnancy

- when abnormalities are detected in screening

- infertility

- miscarriage and stillbirth

- assisted reproductive technologies (IVF, surrogacy, etc)

- decisions regarding leftover embryos

- human embryo research and stem cells

Each chapter describes the science, medicine and technology involved and then draws it all together to form a Christian ethic about each.

The entire book is suffused with a grace and understanding of the choices women (and men) make and how they get there. She understands how the desire to have a child can be overwhelming, as can the grief associated with the loss of a child, or the change of expectations and the challenges of having a child with disabilities. She is pastorally sensitive and aware. Yet this is a book which is designed to provide information, and there are times where the information will be hard to read for those who have lived it, are living it or are supporting others through these life events.

It is medically detailed and scientifically thorough. Throughout there is additional information for medical professionals, which I think makes this book required reading for all Christians doctors, at least those involved with these stages of life. Having said that, it is very readable – I read it from cover to cover, even though it is obviously designed to be used more as a reference resource.

We will certainly be recommending this book to all couples at or entering this stage of life. We will be adding it to our marriage preparation book list.

There were a few specific things I was challenged by:

1. Abortion. This is a harrowing chapter. Abortion procedures are described in detail and she wisely warns readers at the beginning. What struck me most however were the statistics of abortion: 1 in 3 women in the UK, USA and Australia will have an abortion in their lifetime. What was clear what that there is little to no support for women as they make this decision. Even more so, I suspect that in our churches we are not caring for the women among us who have had abortions, because they are too terrified of being judged to voice their pain. How many women are being shut out from truly believing in God’s grace and that He forgives because of our lack of sensitivity and awareness?

2. Pregnancy screening for disability – what it involves and what it solves. We have watched a number of dear friends over the years get results from screening that shows their child will have a disability. What they are quickly shocked by is that the only cure for their child’s disability is to terminate the pregnancy, and that is the only solution proposed by medical staff.  They have to fight to keep their baby.  Dr Best argues that we are seeing a program of early eugenics in society, as people are choosing only to keep the healthy and the whole. She deals with the issues of disability well throughout the book, and touches on the impact this has for long-term services for the disabled. Parents with disabled children can witness that people are heartless enough to suggest that in choosing to have their child, they have placed a burden on society. What type of humans are we when we do not care for all members of society, especially those who are more vulnerable?

Consider…the decreasing tolerance for imperfections in our community. When did we decide that any of us were more perfect specimens? We are all of us damaged; it is just more noticeable in some than in others. And why is physical brokenness tolerated so poorly while moral brokenness is not just tolerated but chronicled, accepted and even celebrated in magazines and newspapers? (p461)

She finishes with some challenging words:

[while doing research for the book] What I found left me deeply unsettled as I realized the extent to which our society has decided to accommodate selfish adults at the expense of the children involved. We want ‘perfect’ children through genetic screening, freedom from inconvenient pregnancies, and the ability to override normal human biology when it suits us – all at the cost of embryonic and fetal human life. (p461)

This is a challenging book which raises numerous issues regarding reproduction today.  I am very glad Dr Best has done the work and the research, there are many of us who will benefit.

You can read the introductory first chapter on the Matthias Media website.

Death Comes to Pemberley

Death Comes to Pemberley, P.D. James

I have tried a number of P.D. James novels (the Dalgliesh murder mystery series) over the years and never really been drawn in.  There always seem to be too many characters to get your head around and plots that are too complicated for the length of the book.

However, Death Comes to Pemberley is excellent. If you are a fan of and are familiar with Pride and Prejudice (either the book or the BBC production), this is for you. James has set this murder mystery at Pemberley Estate, 6 years after Darcy and Elizabeth’s marriage. Captain Denney is found dead in the woods late one night with Captain Wickham weeping over his body, yet was he the killer?

This book gives Pride and Prejudice fans a chance to see how everyone’s lives might have turned out – are Darcy and Elizabeth happy? How many children did Jane and Bingley have? What happened to Mary and Kitty? It is a clever idea that has been very well executed. In a delightful twist, she even weaves characters from other Austen novels in at various points.

James even writes like Austen, both in style and turn of phrase, so it felt like a sequel, including treats like this (regarding Lade Catherine’s opinion of Elizabeth):

Lady Catherine was the essentially the same woman that she had always been, but now the shades of Pemberley were less polluted when Elizabeth took her daily exercise under the trees, and Lady Catherine became fonder of visiting Pemberley that either Darcy or Elizabeth were anxious to receive her. (Book 4, section 2)

If you are a Pride and Prejudice fan, this should not disappoint.

(I also read Children of Men by P.D. James: a futuristic view of mankind who have lost their ability to reproduce. Very 1984 in style, it is a disturbing and insightful look into what could happen in such a society. A good read.)

Back into the swing of things

Here I am, back again for 2013.

We had a lovely school holidays. Christmas was fun, the holidays were relaxing, everyone got some rest and enjoyed time in the pool.

I surprised myself managing to be quite disconnected from email, blogs and facebook and thoroughly enjoyed the break from all three.

School has started with joy and ease for all involved and I come to pondering my time and how I will spend it for another year. More to come on that later.

But for now, I am glad to be back online.

There are lots of book reviews coming, and a few movie reviews too – so keep posted!

Holidays

The kids are on school holidays and it's time to relax, enjoy them and celebrate Christmas as a family. 

So this blog will shut down for the school holidays.

Thanks so much to all of you for reading this year.

I will be back next year with hopefully a bit more blogging than I managed this year.  If my planned reading list is anything to go by, there will be lots of reviews at least!

I hope you all have a Christ-centred, merry Christmas, a chance to give thanks for 2012 and to look forward with joy to 2013.

Snowflake craft

As we approach school holidays, you (like me) might be on the lookout for some things to do.

I recently discovered some paper cut-outs which should appeal to a number of ages and both sexes. 

If your kids can fold and cut reasonably well, let them at it - otherwise, you will need to help.  Or, as in my case, be near the computer to deal with the stream of requests for more printouts!

Ballerina snowflakes: translated from a Russian blog.  She has heaps of Christmas craft - have a look around for many other ideas.

Star Wars snowflakes.  My son loved these.  Look at both sites:  Matters of Grey and Anthony Herrera Designs.  If you have sharp cutting knives and are willing to let kids use them, the sky is the limit.  If you limit them to scissor use only - choose the simpler ones or adapt them to make them easier.

Some more general ones from Matters of Grey


Have fun!

Hope Springs

Hope Springs

This movie does a rare thing - it gives an open, realistic look at intimacy in a mature marriage. 

After 31 years, Kay and Arnold have settled into a functional life, structured by routine and sleeping in separate bedrooms.  Kay longs to rekindle the flame she and Arnold once shared, so she pays for an intensive couples counselling course to which Arnold reluctantly attends.  As the week unfolds, they are each challenged to see their role in a relationship in which they have both settled for OK, but not good.   

The acting is great with Meryl Streep as the frustrated Kay and Tommy Lee Jones as the grumpy Arnold.   Steve Carell is the couple's counsellor and it took me a while to get used to him in a serious role, I kept waiting for him to make a joke.

It was honest and confronting, both heartbreakingly sad and very funny.  It did leave some questions unanswered (why had Arnold changed so much?).  Also, I would not recommend it to unmarrieds, as the main issue in the counselling was intimacy, and so the discussions and ensuing scenes were very frank at points.

I suspect we will buy this one on DVD* to have as a resource for marriage enrichment, I can imagine us using scenes from it at times to illustrate various points!

*I saw this at the movies over 2 months ago, so it's probably not long now till the DVD comes out!

A dip into some Christian fiction

In the past I have tended to avoid Christian fiction.  It always sat uncomfortably with me for some reason.  I liked to keep my Christian and my fiction reading very separate, thank you very much. I struggled to see how it could be done well and since many covers look like a discreet version of Mills and Boon, I was unconvinced.  

Yet over the years there have been some wonderful exceptions to this rule, such as Gilead and The Hammer of God.  (Surely these must actually be classed as Christian literature, but perhaps that is another discussion.)

So my mind has gradually opened up to the possibilities of good Christian fiction.  

Then a whole lot of factors combined: spotting a series on a friend's shelf that interested me (yes, I often judge a book by its cover); reading Lit! (a great book about reading about which a series will come soon, I am sure); and a sale at Koorong.  It turns out that in the last few months I have read five Francine Rivers novels. 

The best was Redeeming Love, a retelling of the story of Hosea.  Set in California in 1950, Michael Hosea answers a call from God to marry Angel, a high class prostitute who has only known betrayal and loss.  His call from God is to love her with an unconditional, persistent love.  It draws you in from the beginning and carries you along as you wonder whether Angel can ever truly respond to Michael's love. 

I really enjoyed the Mark of the Lion Trilogy too.  It follows the life of Hadassah, a Jewish slave girl and Atretes, a German warrior made to be a gladiator.  Thus quenching my thirst for novels about Ancient Rome as well as a fascinating story line with realistic characters, I devoured these three large books in a few weeks.  As I read them I was increasingly impressed with Rivers' ability to show the challenges of being a Christian or a Jew in a land of open, sensual pagan worship.  My understanding of the tone of Paul's letters to the churches of Rome and Ephesus was enhanced by the portrayal she gave of those cities.  Yet at the same time, the character Hadassah who truly believed yet was too frightened to speak of her faith also spoke to me directly of my own situation at many times.  They were interesting and challenging books.

Finally, I read The Atonement Child.   This is the story of Dynah, a bible college student, engaged to a would-be minister, whose life is broken apart by rape, from which results pregnancy.   Dynah is crippled with uncertainty and indecision about what to do, when all around her are suggesting that termination is surely possible and the right thing in such a circumstance.   Rivers has taken on a hard topic here and she has done it with sensitivity and awareness.

But this book pointed out some of my hesitation with Christian fiction.  It is predictable.  You know what the ending of each book has to be.  You wait to see how it unfolds, but you know where it is going.  I will keep reading Christian fiction and welcome any recommendations, but will also definitely keep reading other fiction, for it keeps me guessing just a little more.