His Grace is Enough

His Grace is Enough, Melissa Kruger

I loved reading rhyming books to my children. We have fond memories of time spent curled up on the couch, or before bedtime, enjoying the clever ways that authors made words fit together.

Rhyming picture books were the first books my children could ‘read’ back to us, having memorised the lilt of the familiar sounds and how they fit together. Our shelves still groan under the weight of favourites, whose words are easily recalled years later. I think of Goodnight Moon, The Little Yellow Digger, My Friend Bear and There’s a House Inside My Mummy to name but a few.

If I had still young children, this charming new picture book by Melissa Kruger would also make it to the favourites section, especially because rather than teaching about animals or machinery, it teaches little ones about God’s generous gift of grace.

His Grace is Enough starts with children hiding because they know they have done something wrong, but the mum says:

I’ve got something important
To tell you today
It’s TRUE and it’s HOPEFUL
And helps guide your way

God’s grace is enough
It’s so BIG and so FREE
His grace is enough
Both for YOU and for ME.

Kruger explains the message of sin and grace in an accessible and engaging way for young children. So, whether you make mistakes, or tell lies, or are mean to people, God knows and he offers grace. If you try to make it all better and do everything right, God still knows your heart and that you need grace.

Here’s how it works:
Jesus died on the cross
WE gain new life
Because HE suffered loss

Though we don’t deserve it
Our God is SO KIND
That’s grace pure and simple
The BEST thing to find

The repetition of God’s grace being big and free is likely to stick in little minds and become something families say together. The message is spot on, helping little ones begin to grasp God’s grace which saves freely yet also calls for change.

Indeed these are the truths proclaimed by Paul to the Ephesians:

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Eph 2:4-9)

For parents and carers who are reading aloud, this fresh reminder of God’s grace might just be the balm we need as well. We also sin. We make mistakes, we hurt people, and we try to make it on our own. Just like the children around us, we need to be reminded God’s grace is freely given and his mercies are new every morning. Indeed, many of us already know the refreshment offered by God’s truths through well-crafted rhyme:

Amazing grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Isobel Lundie has shown her considerable illustrative skill, bringing to life fun, dynamic kids and adults of numerous cultures and various situations. For me, there were echoes of the wonderfully detailed Richard Scarry books I grew up on. The words are crucial to a picture book, but it’s the illustrations that sell it, and these certainly do that.

I’m excited to see that Kruger and Lundie they have another collaboration coming out later this year (Wherever You Go, I Want You to Know). It’s a treat to have wonderful Christian resources to share with the little ones in our lives.

This review was first published on TCGA last month. 

Should we stay or should we go?

Should we stay or should we go?, Lionel Shriver 

Lionel Shriver (The Mandibles, So Much For That) returns to her usual insightful self with her new release Should We Stay Or Should We Go?

The story begins in 1991 when Kay and Cyril, in their early 50s, have returned from Kay’s father’s funeral. Having watched her father’s “four years of steady deterioration and ten years of nothing but degradation” to Alzheimer’s, they make a pact to die together when they are 80, partly to avoid the same decline themselves, but also out of a strong view to avoid being a drain on the public purse. Time marches on over the following 30 years, until the fateful day of March 29, 2020 approaches. But will they go through with it? What follows is a similar idea to her earlier book,

The Post-Birthday World, where two alternate timelines play out simultaneously. Here Shriver has concocted 12 different scenarios of how it could turn out - whether one or both go through with the suicide or not, and what might follow if they do not. Each cleverly picks up a different point in the original storyline and takes it somewhere else. Some are funny, some wryly sad, some are pleasantly utopian, some science fiction, and some a horrific dystopian version of institutionalised care. There’s even an amusing self-referential nod to Shriver herself as an author. As usual, Shriver has managed to contain something of humanity at its best, worst and most mundane throughout, with the usual searing social commentary on pretty much everything from healthcare, Brexit, Covid, economic policy, and of course ageing, death, and care for the elderly.

Shriver really is one of my favourite writers.

Jack

Jack, Marilynne Robinson

I was so looking forward to reading this, the fourth of Robinson’s books that started with Gilead. In preparation I read the first three again.

With Gilead I was reminded of the gentleness of John Ames and his love for his young family as he writes to them as he ages. Home stood out more than previously, with the reality of two clerical men facing the frailty of ageing. On this read, I found Boughton more crotchety and less gracious, but also his son Jack maddeningly impotent. Lila again brought Ames’ wife to life charting her history of poverty and hard living, and changed by her slow romance and possible faith.

(Spoilers included below for those who haven’t read the first three)

I was hoping Jack would pick up again where Home left off, with Jack hopefully somehow getting his life together with Della. But Robinson chose to turn back the clock and have it set earlier than all three previous books, where Jack and Della meet and how they slowly come to be together. It’s the late 1940s and it’s illegal for a white man and a coloured woman to be together. Yet, they meet. Him in all his poverty, aimlessness, thievery, and often homelessness. Her, a Christian, and teacher with a bright future, as long as she doesn’t get in trouble and have stories circulating about her and a white man. So begins a romance that will get them both into trouble. I can see why some will love this book and everything it stands for. I just found it depressing. A search online will cover ground like Robinson’s Calvinism, which raises more theological questions than it answers. I appreciated this assessment, and agree that her concept of grace extended with no actual change or repentance seems to cheapen it. Assessing it on face value, and not theologically though, I find myself depressed by two characters who just kept moving towards each other without really being willing to face the obvious consequences. Perhaps sometimes love does conquer all. But I wonder in this case, if love conquers them instead.

Liberated: How the Bible Exalts and Dignifies Women

Liberated: How the Bible Exalts and Dignifies Women, Karen Soole

Note: this review first appeared on Themelios

Everyone who reads the Bible comes across passages that make them deeply uncomfortable and raise questions about who God is, what he values, and how his people behave. I recall my 5-year-old son asking me what rape was after reading his new “grown up Bible” and arriving at Genesis 34. Let alone my own feelings of horror upon reading Judges 19. When you take the accounts of the mistreatment of women in the Bible, and add to them the growing societal view that God is a misogynist, that Christians are patriarchally overbearing, and that the Bible regards women as second-class citizens responsible for the fall, it’s no wonder that we start to ask questions: Is God sexist? Does he value women?

Karen Soole’s refreshing offering, Liberated, seeks to “address the fear that God does not exalt or dignify women” (p. 13). She takes readers from Genesis to Revelation, encouraging them to ask “does God offer me liberation or oppression? Can I trust that God is good?” (p. 14). The bulk of attention is given to the Old Testament, acknowledging it “stands accused of being a book that has been used to establish male power and confine women” (p. 22). She does not “directly address the differences in church practice concerning women’s ministry” (p. 13), noting that this has been done extensively elsewhere.

Over the course of twelve chapters, Soole honestly and sensitively addresses the concerns raised by the presentation and treatment of women in the Bible. She explores both current and historical cultural climates, naming errors in both, for “could it be that that it is the traditions of men, not the Word of God, that is the heart of the problem?” (p. 22). She then turns to show how these concerns are met by the gospel. Each chapter brings the reader to Jesus and what he has done, for women and men alike. So, while this is indeed an informative and well researched work, it is also winsomely apologetic and evangelistic. Each chapter also finishes with questions for further thought or conversation and a small Bible study.

Beginning with creation, we see that “men and women are equally created by God, equal in dignity, and equal in worth” with a “beautiful interdependence and mutuality” (p. 30). Genesis 2 “is not pointing to the imperfection of woman; rather, it reveals the incompleteness of man, he was the one lacking” (p. 37). Exploring the fall, and the accusation that Eve was somehow more sinful than Adam, Soole observes, “Adam and Eve share responsibility, but their sin is defined differently: Eve was deceived, and Adam was disobedient. Both are guilty” (p. 47).

Continuing through the Old Testament, Soole explores the fallout of sin in relationships (e.g., Tamar and Judah) and then arrives at Judges 19, an account of such evil that no one can be unaffected by it:

Why does the Bible describe such ugliness? Not because God approves of it.… It isn’t there to show us how to live but how we do live. It is here because God doesn’t hide from us the depths of savagery we are capable of. We may want to close our eyes and ears to this woman’s cries, but God wants us to see and understand. What happened to this woman is a reflection of what has happened to other young women. (p. 92)

These hard passages are dealt with sensitively and openly. I appreciated Soole’s willingness to deal with almost every uncomfortable presentation of women in the Bible. At points I wondered if these chapters moved a little too quickly past the issues they raised and to the gospel message. Sometimes we need to dwell in God’s compassion and mercy and meditate on how he stands by us in our pain and our distress. Suggestions for how to manage these passages with pastoral sensitivity may also have been helpful, although she models this implicitly.

Chapter 8 (“Worrying Laws”) addresses the Old Testament teaching concerning polygamy, rape, trials, and purification. Soole presents an interesting interpretation of Numbers 5 (the test for an unfaithful wife), suggesting that it is entirely determined by a supernatural answer, rather than being a trial by ordeal. She also suggests that the purification laws of Leviticus 12:1–8, which decree fourteen days of uncleanness after delivering a daughter (compared to seven for a son), could be for physiological reasons, to avoid the temptation of cult fertility practices, and to protect a woman from the retrying for a son too soon after delivery (p. 120). Not all passages that describe intriguing ways of treating women were addressed (e.g., Lev 27:1–9, Num 30–31), but the general principles were mostly covered.

Regarding education and wisdom, she draws on the wise woman of Proverbs 31 and Abigail’s interactions with David (1 Sam 25), noting that God values women with integrity, skills and wisdom, which can be used for good inside and outside the home. By way of application, she argues,

There is considerable freedom for women to engage in intellectual pursuits, choose challenging careers, or work at home or in their communities. But their minds should stir beyond the domestic sphere, and their eyes should be raised far beyond career opportunities. God’s Word encourages women to lift their thoughts to even higher things and to seek true wisdom. (p. 139)

Soole reflects on how the Bible uses the image of an adulterous wife to demonstrate Israel’s rebellion against God. It is a graphic illustration that “is there to help us grasp the impact of our rejection of God and to feel the weight of our indifference and dismissal of God” (pp. 153–54). Finally, she turns to marriage, noting that “some Christians give the impression that marriage is the ultimate goal in life” (p. 157). She honors both singleness and marriage, and rightly laments that a distortion of submission has resulted in the abuse of some women. Instead, “God’s design for marriage is not one of control and ownership but a relationship for the mutual good of the other” (p. 168).

While there is no chapter on Jesus’s interactions with women, many of these are woven throughout as a way of bringing the reader to the gospel (e.g., the woman at the well). There may have been value in drawing these together more explicitly, and including some other passages (e.g., the woman anointing Jesus with perfume, and the Syrophoenician woman).

Her conclusion, straight from God’s heart and written in his word, is that women (and men) are valuable and created in God’s image. God cares for them and loves to protect them, even though there are times when the world’s evil is all too prominent. Yes, all are sinful and fall short. Yet Jesus came to save women (and men), offering them new life—honoured, respected, loved, and redeemed.

While many who are drawn to read Liberated will likely be women, it is a book written for everyone and relevant for all, whether new Christians, those exploring who God is, those established in churches, or those in church leadership.

Being There

Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting, Dave Furman (Crossway, 2016)

Are you walking alongside people who are suffering? Perhaps your friend has cancer, your spouse has a disability, your sister struggles with infertility, your work friend has recently lost their parents, or you have a pastoral care role in your church. How do you care for people well and wisely, bringing the aroma of Christ with you?

“The goal of this entire book is to point you to Jesus, who is your only hope, and to walk you through some ways you can love those who hurt with the strength God provides.“ (p. 19)

Dave Furman is a pastor, married with four children, and has lived with intensive nerve pain in his arms for over ten years. He cannot do many things, like hold his children or help with wife with practical tasks, and needs assistance with tasks like putting on his shoes.

“I am writing out of my experience of being helped in incredible ways by others in my disability… This is not another book about suffering for the one who suffers. It’s a book for everyone who knows people who suffer from pain and loss and wants to see the Rock of Ages underneath their feet. I think it’s safe to say that this is a book for all of us.” (p. 18)

The first two chapters give an anchor point. Firstly, he allows the carer to grieve their loss in another’s pain. We can grieve the circumstance, and weep at what we might give up to serve another, yet still have hope that sustains us through it all.

Secondly, Furman encourages the carer to invest in their own relationship with God. Only if we are anchored in Christ and his certain hope can we keep helping, but if we are not walking with God, we will have no strength to help. “Your strength to care for the hurting comes directly from Christ.” (p. 38)

The remainder of the chapters explore practical ways to help those who hurt. These include:

• Being a faithful friend. This includes being silent when needed, sticking around for the long term, being honest about your own life and challenges, forgiving their failings when they are rude, and finding things to laugh about as appropriate. 

• Speaking language of hope. This book is aimed at Christians and he gives some excellent practical examples about how to do this, but he does also address how to speak to unbelievers. 

• Serving like Jesus. Being willing to do the menial tasks, being careful with our words, and analysing our hearts to see if we are serving to be noticed and thanked. 

• Praying for the sufferer, including prayer for healing, and encouraging the sufferer to persist in prayer as well. 

• Being able to have hard conversations, for “when you are caring for the hurting, it is inevitable that their circumstances will bring out their sin”. He encourages us to lovingly and carefully rebuke and bring them to Christ. 

• A list of things not to do. There are similarities here with Nancy Guthrie’s What Grieving People Wish You Knew...  These include don’t be the fix it person, don’t compare, don’t make it their identity, don’t be hyper spiritual and don’t pledge general non-specific help. 

• The church’s role in graciously pursuing and caring for the hurting. 

I really appreciated his honest conclusion:

"I hope you’re not disappointed after reading this book to discover that I don’t have the perfect equation for loving the hurting. There’s no recipe you can follow that will give you the finished product in the precise way you’d like. This side of heaven there will be pain and sorrow, and we will at times be helpful and at other times we will be hurtful. Only Jesus perfectly loves the hurting." (pp. 144-145).

This is a wise and honest guide about the challenge of being a helper, with the encouragement to find your strength in Jesus, who leads us in the way of service.

Andy Weir

I was excited to discover Andy Weir has written two books since The Martian. 

Project Hail Mary

The most recent release, Project Hail Mary, is fantastic. Set in space, it’s as intelligent and creative as The Martian. Ryland Grace wakes up from a long coma, with no knowledge of who he is or where he is. It becomes apparent though that he is a scientist, and through the slow retrieval of his memory as well as applying his extensive knowledge base, he establishes he’s a very long way from earth. Woven throughout the current timeline is the history of how he got there. An extinction level event threatened earth, and he became one of the experts on the cause and hopeful solution. Now it seems that entire future of humanity rests on this expedition, yet he is alone, with limited resources. Or is he? 

Not wanting to give more of the story away than the back cover does, I’m hesitant to say more. But I will say this is an inventive and clever book. It’s fun, it’s gripping, and while clearly space fantasy, it also it has a touch of realism. You feel like it just might happen. There’s lots of science, maths, engineering, and language to interest, as well as humour and an understanding of how people work. Proving that Weir can write from the perspective of a variety of characters (contrast below), this one has no swearing.

I couldn’t put it down, neither could Miss 16. I wouldn’t be surprised if this also is turned into a movie, like The Martian.

Artemis

While still an interesting story, I didn’t think this was as good as either of his other two. Based on the 

moon settlement of Artemis - Jazz is a smuggler. She has grown up there, never having lived on earth. She is asked to pull off a big job for a local high flyer, in the hope of disrupting the monopoly that supplies the settlement’s air supply. Yet Jazz gets more than she bargained for, and finds herself in the middle of a major run in with the mob. Weir has concocted an interesting idea of what a moon settlement could like like, with a stable population, mainly catering to industry and tourists. His scientific knowledge again comes to the fore as he considers the impact of living on the moon on the human body, on industry, as well as the reality of base human nature. For those that like to know: it’s pretty crass throughout with a fair amount of swearing and sexual references.

The Secrets of Dumbledore

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore 

Ms 14 and I had a very enjoyable time seeing the new Fantastic Beasts movie, the third in the series: The Secrets of Dumbledore.

You definitely want to have seen the first two to know the story and characters, and it picks up soon after the second movie left off, where Grindelwald has gained power, enticing Queenie to go with him, and the revelation that Credence is a Dumbledore.

As we open, Grindelwald (now Mads Mikkelsen, rather than Johnny Depp) is trying to gain power of the wizarding world, building a support base mainly through Germany. The allusions to the Third Reich here are not subtle.

Dumbledore (Jude Law) gathers a slightly odd, unlikely team together to try to stop him. Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) returns in his slightly baffled, endearing way, accompanied by his brother Theseus, assistant Bunty, and Muggle baker Jacob. They are joined by a new American Charms Professor Lally, and wizard Yusuf.

Fans who love the creatures will appreciate the return of Niffler Teddy, always gathering up shiny objects; and Pickett, the Bowtruckle who lives in Newt’s pocket. One key addition is the Qilin, who is said to be able to identify a pure heart. The magical creatures aren’t as prevalent in this movie as in previous ones, although they do provide some fun entertainment along the way.

It’s your standard Wizarding World good vs evil story, and it’s an enjoyable one. People have to consider the actions of their past, and what it means to make the right choice rather than the easy one. There have also been rumours circulating for years about Dumbledore’s sexuality, and it is made more clear in this movie.

It’s a satisfying ending too. While it’s rumoured there will be five movies all up, this didn’t leave you hanging. 

A solid addition to the series, one that fans are likely to appreciate and enjoy.


I was a guest of Universal Pictures Australia.

Who am I and why do I matter?

Who Am I and Why Do I Matter? Chris Morphew (Good Book Company, 2022)

If you spend time with nine-to-thirteen-year-olds, you know they are asking big questions. Sure, they may not actually verbalise them—but there is a lot they are thinking about: Am I loved? Do I matter? Who can I trust? Does the world make sense?

Although, let’s be honest, these are questions we all ask. That’s why Chris Morphew’s Who Am I and Why Do I Matter? is so helpful.

Morphew dives right in, acknowledging his readers have valid queries and important things to ponder. While aimed at tweens, this could also be appealing to older teenagers, and helpful for parents and youth group leaders. I certainly appreciated it.

He begins by considering the usual ways people try to answer these questions:

• Perhaps I matter because of what I have, or how I look, or what I do;
• Maybe I just need to be true to myself and do what makes me happy; or
• I should just listen to what others say about me.

Without being remotely condescending, he then clearly exposes the faults in each of these myths. The reader is led to wonder where they might go for answers:

[W]hat we really need is something bigger than ourselves, bigger than people, to lead us and guide us. Which brings us to God. (38)

From here, Morphew winsomely explains the gospel message—God loves us personally:

God doesn’t just say people matter.
He says you matter.

God doesn’t just love people.
He loves you.

God doesn’t just invite people into his incredible, glorious purpose and plan for the world.
He invites you.” (49)

Whether we think we’re pretty good, or we despair at the ways we mess up, Jesus came to die for us: “Without Jesus, everyone is lost. But with Jesus, anyone can be found.” (58)

Morphew explicitly names the challenges young people face today and provides the clear solution in Jesus:

The world is full of voices telling you who you are, and who you should be.
Voices telling you that you don’t measure up.
Voices telling you that you need to prove yourself.
Voices telling you that if you just buy this new thing, or have this new experience, or … maybe then it will all make sense, and you can finally be that happy, fulfilled self that the world keeps promising you.

And it’s exhausting, right?
And, more than that, it’s a lie.

But the incredible news is that Jesus offers you a better way. (65-66)

The remainder of the book considers what it looks like practically to believe in Jesus, to trust him, and to let him shape you. Morphew discusses forming good habits, reading God’s word, and resting. As he does so, Morphew manages to balance honesty with humour, and challenging words with comforting truths. Rather than talking down to his audience, he openly addresses questions, and is frank about some of the challenges of following Jesus. He has a clear desire for his reader to know Jesus—to grasp they have purpose and value because they are loved and precious to him. Readers will sense he actually cares.

Morphew is an Australian author and chaplain, and clearly understands tweens. Perhaps an extra drawcard for younger readers is Morphew authored some of the Zac Power books. It is probably pitched more at the upper end of the nine-to-thirteen-year-old age group, because of the vocabulary and comments about social media. Or maybe it’s just that I hold out hope that under 12s aren’t on social media platforms. Who Am I and Why Do I Matter? is one of four in a “Big Questions” series. I am now keen to read the others.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 

Review first published on TGCA. 

A Brief Theology of Periods (Yes, Really)

A Brief Theology of Periods (Yes, Really), Rachel Jones (The Good Book Company, 2021)

Bet you didn’t see that one coming! This is such a great book. Yes, it’s anchored in a rather specific topic, but as all women (and many sensible men) know - this impacts a large amount of our lives. Whether it’s the onset of menarche and how girls learn to adjust, or the practicality of tracking your cycle (either for life planning or fertility reasons) for an average of 40 years, to the onset of menopause and the relief or sadness this can bring.

Yet it’s rarely spoken about, even amongst women. So, Jones decided to face that head on, because this is part of who women are, with our bodies given to us by a loving creator and yet with all the complications that come with inhabiting our fallen world:

“Whoever you are, my aim is that you reach the end of this book celebrating who God has made you and how God has saved you, and the fact that he speaks liberating and positive truth into all of life’s experiences - even the bloody ones.” (p. 17)

Jones writes with a strong desire to look at all of life theologically. She begins by explaining how periods work (Chapter 1: So Much Potential). This is done so well, with a mix of facts and humour. I loved her comments on various hormones:

“Progesterone is a nurturing soul who's there to support a pregnancy if you need her to, but she's got great health benefits too, like building bone tissue. She's the kind of hormone who would prefer a “gathering” to a house party, and who can sometimes be found crying in the bathroom."

Moving on she considers how amazing it is that God has created the human body, including the wonder that a women can grow a baby. All of this means that periods are part of God’s plan and his creation:

“[Periods] are not beyond the scope of theology; nor are they somehow so gross as to be beneath the category of a discipleship issue. Since our bodies are important, and since our female bodies are doing something particular…we should expect that this will affect us physically, emotionally and spiritually, to one degree or another.” (p. 30)

The pain and discomfort of periods and childbirth, and the struggles and grief of infertility remind us that our bodies are finite and affected by the fall (Ch 2: So Much Pain). We are weak, and we suffer, and we can find comfort that Jesus enters into our suffering and he takes away our sin. He is beside us in our weakness, yet he also redeems us, and uses our weakness for good.

Jones then turns to the reality that many women feel: it’s not often about the pain, but rather about the shame (Ch 3: So Much Mess). Most women have a horror period story, and it’s all shame related: what someone saw, or what happened when you were unprepared. Here she explores Leviticus and the law on women and discharges, offering some ideas about why God made the law this way. She has wise things to say here, about cleanness vs uncleanness vs holiness; and then takes us to the New Testament to see that true uncleanness comes from our hearts, not our bodies. She also interacts with the Period Pride movement, showing both its value and its limitations.

Throughout Jones makes some helpful links about how a period can be a reminder of other truths, here is one she suggests: a period is a reminder that our true uncleanness comes from our hearts and what we say and do, not what comes out of our bodies. Do we stop each month and consider our hearts?

Chapter 4 (So Many Feelings) celebrates that we are created to feel a range of emotions, and there can be a wonderful variety to them. Yet, the reality is that hormones do impact women, and we need to consider our behaviour and how we act at these times. One of my own personal statements around this in our household is “it might be an explanation, but it’s not an excuse”.

"Turn to Google for wisdom on managing hormone-related emotions or outbursts and the majority of advice you'll find essentially boils down to self-care, self-justification and self-acceptance.

The Bible would have us start in a different place. What it offers is no less comforting than any of those things, but rather a whole lot more: Christ's care, Christ’s justification and Christ's acceptance of us. That's the place to start, whatever the struggle or seen that we’re dealing with and on whatever day of the month we are facing it." (p. 77)

Finally (5: So little time) considers menopause and the reminder it is of our mortality and that our time on earth is short. I like where she goes with this, leading us to consider how seriously we taking Jesus’ commission to make disciples of all nations with the time that God gives us. A period could be a cause for reflection:

"What disciple making have I done this month? Where have I nurtured spiritual life? Have I played a part in bringing new spiritual life into the world? …

We can take Day One as a moment to check our priorities and re-commit ourselves to the great commission." (pp. 96-97)

She finishes with the reminder that Christ’s blood shed for us will wash us clean:

"Blood speaks. Right through this book we have seen how our periods speak both of curse and blessing, of groaning and gift, of pain and beauty, of Abel and Christ, of sin and salvation. They are, in a way, a jarring picture of what it means to live in a mixed-up world on its way to redemption… Life in a woman's body might sometimes make us weep; but from that day onwards, our tears will turn into joy." (p. 109)

An appendix addresses questions and answers. Two that stood out to me was to include discussion about periods and how they affect a woman in marriage preparation for couples, and for pastors to be willing to speak about women’s health issues from the pulpit. Wise advice.

All in all, this is an excellent book. Jones has the right balance of Biblical and theological consideration, wisdom, honesty, humour and challenge. It will have obvious appeal for many women, and there would be great benefit for teenage girls as well, although some aspects of it may go over their heads. Of course, men will also benefit from reading this. All of us should long to understand more of the lives of those around us, with a God-honouring framework that both encourages and challenges.

Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia

Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia, John Dunlop, MD (Crossway, 2017)

What a helpful, wise and compassionate book this is. 

John Dunlop writes with decades of experience as a geriatrician, personal experience of the dementia of three of his and his wife’s parents, and his own longstanding Christian faith.

“Over the years as I have been confronted with dementia, I have failed to recognise any purpose for it, yet I believe it is my responsibility to search out what God’s reason may be. This book is my attempt to explore God’s possible purposes in allowing this horrible disease. But even when I do not fully understand, I have learned I can still trust him.“ (p. 16)

The overarching message is that all people are made in the image of God, and therefore possess inherent dignity and worth. God does not have a gradation of his image: “Human dignity is equally as true of the Nobel Laureate as of the most severe dementia sufferer who is totally dependent on others.” (p. 24) There is great value in the fact that people with dementia still experience feeling and are capable of relationships.

“The experience of dementia can help teach us what our true value is, and embracing it may make the prospect of dementia less threatening and fearful.” (pp. 15-16)

Dunlop explains the facts of dementia: its various types, how diagnosis is made and when it should be made, what some treatment options are, and when to consider medical care directives.

He describes what it feels like for the person with dementia, and then the experience of being a caregiver, acknowledging “the patient is not the only victim of this dreadful disease; caregivers are just as much, if not more, affected by it.” He doesn’t shy away from or avoid the challenges that many face.

Dunlop then considers what he believes is the heart of the issue: “honouring God in and through the tragedy of dementia”. These aspects include:

• recognising the things that God values - such as people, feelings, relationships, and the present moment. 
• respecting the dignity of those with dementia - with our time and energy, respecting their autonomy as much as possible, preserving their dignity, and entering their world. 
• meeting the physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs of those with dementia, as well as their carers. 
• how the church should respond. Importantly the church must teach the gospel, be honest that we all will suffer and what it means to be fully human. Obviously serving and caring for those with dementia and their carers should be high on the list, particularly spiritual needs. 

One particular comment of Dunlop’s struck me:

“Allow me to share with you one of my dreams: picture a local church taking time to commission a caregiver to the ministry to which God has called them. We commission our missionaries, our pastors, and our Sunday School teachers. How about our caregivers?” (p. 150)

He wants us all to grow through the experience of dementia - growth in prayer life for all as they lament, ask, give thanks, and trust God. There can be growth for those with dementia, for caregivers, for the church and for our wider community as we seek to care for, love, and honour those who live with this difficult and heart-wrenching disease.

Dunlop finishes by practically addressing end of life issues, and then leads the reader to the promises of God and life eternal, where there will be no more dementia, no more death, or mourning, or crying, or pain.

This is an openly Christian book, offering hope and solace to those to those who already cling to the promises of God, both now and in the life to come. As such, it will have very real value for those in our churches who are affected by dementia. I think it could be given to every person (and their caregivers) with a dementia diagnosis, as a way of reaching out and beginning the process of support and care, recognising the challenges that lie ahead.

Darkest Night, Brightest Day

Darkest Night, Brightest Day, Marty Machowski (New Growth Press, 2022)

Families with primary age children are often on the lookout for resources that help them explore the Easter story, balancing both the passion week and the joy of Jesus’ resurrection.

Marty Machowski has created this great book, Darkest Night, Brightest Day that does exactly that, with seven days of readings that cover the week leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion, and then seven days on Jesus’ resurrection appearances, finishing with Pentecost. The illustrations by Phil Schorr are simple, colourful and clear.

Machowski has collated all the gospel readings together to make one coherent account, so it reads simply and logically, as if straight from the bible. It’s sewn together with skill, with some aspects 

explained further to assist with understanding. Each chapter is two to three pages of text, and would probably take under 10 minutes to read aloud. There are a few questions at the end of each chapter, with answers provided in small font if needed. It’s designed to have the Darkest Night chapters as one half of the book, with its own cover. Then after seven days of readings, on Easter morning - you switch the book over and with a new cover for Brightest Day, read the next seven days. 

I really like its simplicity. There are no fancy crafts or activities, no extra things to do. God’s word is allowed to speak for itself. This also means it isn’t asking too much of busy or weary parents. While it may struggle to hold the attention of pre-schoolers, it would be great for primary age kids, and even younger high schoolers would still benefit from reading this with their family over Easter. The appeal for older kids might actually be its simplicity, my children definitely grew out of devotionals that required activities around the end of primary school. This doesn’t ask much of them, but still enables them to listen to and interact with the biblical accounts. I suspect many adult readers will also see afresh how the events around the resurrection fit together, and how through Jesus we really have moved from darkest night to brightest day.


I received an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 

The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex, Sheila Wray Gregoire and Dr Keith Gregoire (Zondervan, 2022)

Warning: this is a reasonably long review, with detailed discussion of marital sex.

Regular readers will know I have read a few of Gregoire’s books in recent months. The Great Sex Rescue (2021) focussed on problems with evangelical teaching on sex and tried to change the message. It was good, but also combative, and tried to do a bit too much. That led me to Gregoire’s earlier book The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (2012). My review of that was very positive, but also noted that she seemed to have changed in her thinking in the intervening decade, and I would have been keen to know what she would alter now.

So, I am very pleased to hear that Gregoire is re-releasing a completely updated version of The Good Girl’s Guide next month, and has also written this companion guide for men with her husband: The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex.

Both Husband and I have read it and think it’s very good and has a lot to offer. There are three main sections and I’ll go through each.

Up close and personal (Part 1) - talks about what great sex is:

“Vulnerability, intimacy, orgasm – they're all designed to go together. That's what great sex is supposed to be, something that is at once physical, emotional, and spiritual. Emotional intimacy (trust and vulnerability), spiritual intimacy (feeling like you're one), and physical intimacy (the fireworks) – lose any one aspect, and you miss great sex entirely." (p.8)

They explain both the medical and practical aspects of how sex works, including a list of terms defined, details of how a woman’s monthly cycle works, and various types of contraception. I was surprised they didn’t include some basic diagrams here of male and female anatomy, obviously assuming more than just basic knowledge now exists in the general populace.

They then turn to the sexual response cycle, and how it can vary. For some (often men) desire leads to excitement, then arousal (called spontaneous desire), for others (often women) excitement leads to desire, then arousal (responsive desire). For couples to figure this out can be especially helpful. For if one is turned on and wants to have sex prior to any touch, and the other needs the touch to be interested and aroused, it can create tension if the difference is not understood.

There is a fair focus on the woman in these chapters:

“It works best for her if she can stop multitasking in her head, start concentrating on what’s happening in her own body, and just let herself experience it… For sex to work well, a women usually has to be a little “selfish” and pay attention to what’s going on in her body, and a man has to be unselfish and also pay attention to what’s going on in her body.” (pp. 25-26)

Part 2 considers in depth the three components of great sex: “sublimely pleasurable, totally mutual, and completely intimate” (p. 36), or in more words “learning how everything works physically, creating a great friendship that fuels your passion, and experiencing deep connection while you make love.” (p. 122).

The bulk of the book explores the three areas in depth.

Chapters on physical pleasure look at orgasm in detail, particularly for women. In fact, it was highly focussed on orgasm, stating women should orgasm most of the time, that it’s the husband’s job to make this a priority, and that sex works better when women orgasm first. My husband agreed that the responsibility falls to the man to ensure her pleasure, yet also wondered whether this could put more pressure on the wife to enjoy sex. There’s a careful balance point needed here, which we think they mostly got right. They also address some issues in this area, such as painful sex and erectile dysfunction.


Next, they turn to emotional companionship and closeness, and how this is much more important that the mechanics of sex. One of the helpful aspects of this discussion was the concept of the mental load that women bear. If men want to connect with their wife, help shoulder that load. You shoulder the load together because you are a team. They confront the idea that a husband should help in order to get sex - which makes sex transactional rather than relational. No, he helps because he cares, and it’s his home too:

“He isn’t doing dishes to get sex. He's doing dishes because that's what he should do. He's an adult. He eats. He dirties dishes. So he does dishes because he's a decent, mature, responsible human being – and women tend to be attracted to decent, mature, responsible human beings!” (p. 102)

They also consider how kids impact marriage, and give helpful suggestions for husbands to help in this area, enabling their wife to not always be only “mum”.

“But you can’t wait for vacations to nurture sex in marriage. If your relationship is going to be strong, sex has to be good even in the middle of the chaos. Yes, life is tiring. Yes, you have tons of competing demands on your time. Yes, kids are exhausting. But your relationship can be the anchor that helps you give you energy to handle all those other parts of your life. So grow your friendship. Shoulder your share of the load. And be thankful that, even in the chaos, you’re in this together.” (p. 109)

The third and largest section explores spiritual intimacy and oneness, noting that true connection cannot happen when there is shame or secrets between you, turning to the common areas that can be roadblocks. These include past trauma, triggers, and when we make sex sound ugly rather than loving and connected. I think the next three chapters are the most valuable and helpful for men:

1. Is sex a need? Considering the false idea that men need sex and that wives have been encouraged to make sure they provide it.

“When we make sex an obligation, then it’s no longer about a knowing. Rather, it becomes an owing. And that doesn’t build intimacy, it destroys it.” (p. 137)

Gregoire is frank here and appropriately so. He points out the complete wrongness of marital rape or any sexual coercion. In considering times when sex is off the table, such as for a period or postpartum, he notes: her pain is not a difficult time for you, this is a difficult time for her.

“If you were bleeding out of your genitals, would your first thought be how difficult it might be for your wife not to have access to them?” (p.142)

2. Considering the myths and facts of pornography. 

“Just because you used porn in the past does not mean your marriage is doomed. Keep using porn today, though? You’ll create a world of hurt.” (p. 147)

Again, bluntly, they state the realities of pornography use including: it is a betrayal of your wife, if you deflect responsibility to her you make everything worse, that the majority of Christian men experience victory over porn, and most past porn users recover. So, an equal measure of warning and hope.

3. Lust, which is often framed as problem with men’s purity but rather than an assault on women’s personhood, teaching that female bodies are sources of evil. In addition, if we say that every man lusts, we have normalised lewd behaviour.

“Men, we are capable of treating women with dignity. And when we do that, women will feel safer. Women will feel valued. And our marriages will fare better than if we portray lust as a never-ending battle that we will always be fighting - and losing.” (p. 173)

Finally, they turn to the chapter that is in every sex book - about spicing things up. There were wise boundaries here: for the key to passion in the bedroom for her is safety - knowing her comfort level matters to you, that your relationship is safe, and she doesn’t have to perform to keep your interest.

“Spicing things up has to be done not because you’re dissatisfied with her but because you want to experience more of her.” (p. 175)

Putting it all together (part 3) focusses on libido differences, “when you want more”.

They divide libido differences here into two categories - preference differences and when it is a problem. With preference differences, especially when sex is still happening quite frequently, they encourage the practicing of contentment, for:

“lack of contentment with frequency of sex, when sex is objectively frequent can create major problems in the long run.” (p. 189)

When libido differences become a problem though, they have a useful list of tough self-analysis questions for husbands, which include:

• do you ensure she feels pleasure?
• has sex been depersonalising?
• have you broken trust with your wife?
• do you practice good hygiene?
• are you emotionally vulnerable with your wife?

Appendix 1 helps the husband-to-be get ready for the honeymoon, with some wise and measured advice about expectations and starting out well, whether or not you have any sexual experience. Having said that, it really felt like a book aimed at those already in the married relationship.

Appendix 2 has some great questions for husbands and wives to work through together (apparently there are sets in both books). Throughout the book, they strongly encourage the use of skilled counsellors and experts (e.g., in overcoming pornography) when needed.


There are a few big picture things that could have been done better:

1. An overarching theological framework of sex would have been a great starting point. Something like: God made sex, sex is good, it’s a gift for a couple to enjoy together. Sin has marred it, and changed it. Yet, through Christ we have both forgiveness and redemption, and our sex lives can grow as we grow in Christ. 
2. The starting point was a little problem focussed, it started with the concerns about sex: “I don’t get enough, it’s not how I want it, my wife and I are on a different page”, etc. In fact, early on it is worded around helping your wife enjoy sex so that she wants it as much as you. And so, 
3. Sometimes I found the different messages for him vs her less helpful, even though they may often be true. They say: the wife gets the “rah-rah” book and he gets the “here’s how you can be her knight in shining armor book - because you can be your wife’s hero in the bedroom” (p. 4). There was a tendency to make it all about her (which frankly is a nice change, but I wasn’t sure if it didn’t swing too far in that direction). 

And a few minor things that weren’t as great:

1. Research is included to back up their position. This can be helpful, but they haven’t found the best way to present it. There are (thankfully) less tables and figures than The Great Sex Rescue, but they still aren’t easy to interpret. While some statistics are useful, quoting stats to a decimal point is overkill. (e.g. it’s much more readable to say 53% of women orgasm this way, rather than 55.3%).
2. This is being picky - but one statement really sat uneasily with me. Talking about multiple orgasm - i.e. once you figure it out, “you can thrust to your heart’s content (or to the content of other body parts), and she can keep climaxing the whole time!” (p. 58). It still seemed to turn her pleasure into being about him, and at a deeper level creates a level of expectation on women that not all may be able to or desire to fulfil. 

Having said that, this was one of only a few statements that sat uneasily, which means that we felt the majority of the book was a helpful tone, balanced, acknowledging issues and frankly addressing them, but giving hope for change and growth in a marriage that enjoys safe and secure sex.

Overall this is a very helpful wise and measured book for husbands who want both to love and honour their wives, and to care for them in and out of the bedroom. I recommend it for all husbands and look forward to reading the new updated version for women.


***

Extra note:
I feel it’s important to say that while I really like and will recommended this book, and suspect I will feel the same about the updated book for women, I am uncomfortable with the way the authors speak about other people. Their blog is increasingly combative and rude. They identify other Christian authors that have spoken about sex in a way that they disagree with, and attack them frequently. I agree that much of the church’s teaching has been unhelpful and that has been exacerbated by some writings on sex in marriage, however the Gregoires now seem to be painting themselves as the saviours of the evangelical sexual message, and decrying others who have different messages. They are neither gracious nor kind, and that is disappointing.

The Hawk and the Dove

The Hawk and the Dove, Penelope Wilcock  

This delightful fiction series of 9 books is set in 14th Century Yorkshire and is about the monastery community of St Alcuins. The first book starts with the appointment of a new Abbot, Father Columba (which means dove). Acknowledging that their Abbot is hardly like a dove, this steely eyed, serious and devout though not compassionate man, continues to be known by the community by his baptismal name of Peregrine (the hawk):

“Of course, it’s one thing to love Jesus and quite another to follow him; and poverty, chastity and obedience sat about as comfortably on Peregrine as his hair shirt. Still, the brothers saw promise in him, and as much from stubbornness as anything else he grimly struggled through his novitiate year, finally making his vows and being professed as Brother Columba - a name which shows that either his abbot had a wry sense of humour or else that he had a greater faith than most men and no sense of humour at all.” (The Hawk and the Dove)

Each book explores a different aspect of the monastery or wider community. It is written in a lovely, winsome style, yet deals with some serious and sobering issues. The first book contains a shocking act of violence perpetrated on one man and how it changed him and his fellow brothers. Later books explore the realities of disability and the descent into needing loving palliative care, what true repentance and forgiveness can look like, and the impact of serious trauma and grief. I appreciated how the early books on monastery community life explored how the men learned (sometimes by trial and mistake) how to live graciously with one another with friendship and care. By removing romance from the early books, the focus was on other aspects of the Christian life. Later books did explore love and marriage outside the monastery, and these also showed a wisdom and depth of insight of the author. One quote was very amusing (although I note that this marriage improved with time and the gaining of wisdom):

“Married life... is like a precarious walk along the top of a hurdle never made to bear a man’s weight, while one person pelts you with cabbages and another intermittently takes you by surprise throwing a bucket of cold water in your face. Never dull.” (The Breath of Peace, p. 98).

The first two books are a collation of general stories, and Wilcock herself notes that she tried to make them similar to something like Chaucer’s Canterbury tales, which are from the same time. So, there are parallel stories, one in more modern times of Melissa with family life. Then the monastery stories are those her mother told her. From the third book onwards, Melissa’s mother no longer features as the narrator, it is just the chronological stories of the lives of the monks.

To call them charming makes them sounds light. They are not light - they contain significant emotion and experiences, expressions of God’s goodness and mercy, as well as despair at sin and failings. Yet they are also charming, written with skill, humour, and self-awareness. Highly recommended.

Gentle and Lowly

Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sufferers and Sinners, Dale Ortlund (Crossway, 2020)

This book has become popular quite quickly, and I can see why. With a gentle, pastoral tone that matches his subject, Dale Ortlund dwells on the character of Jesus as being gentle and lowly, anchoring his exploration in Matthew 11:28-30:

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (ESV)

Throughout the book, he considers who Christ is, rather than what he has done:

“You might know that Christ died and rose again on your behalf to rinse you clean of all your sin; but do you know his deepest heart for you? Do you live with an awareness not only of his atoning work for your sinfulness but also of his longing heart amid your sinfulness? (p. 15-16)

So he wants to bring us to the heart of Christ for us:

“It is one thing to know the doctrines of the incarnation and the atonement and a hundred other vital doctrines. It is another, more searching matter to know his heart for you.” (p. 16)

Each chapter considers an aspect of Christ, as given in Scripture, and then expounded, often with the input of some Puritan writers. These include:

• his very heart being gentle and lowly. "For the penitent, his heart of gentle embrace is never out matched by our sins and foibles and insecurities and doubts and anxieties and failures." (p. 21) 
• he is able to sympathise with us (Heb 4:15) 
• he can deal gently with us (Heb 5:2). “Looking inside ourselves, we can anticipate only harshness from heaven. Looking out to Christ, we can anticipate only gentleness.” (p. 57) 
• he will never cast us out (Jn 6:37). This was a chapter of great comfort and assurance. 
• he is an advocate, a tender friend, and more. 

There is no avoidance of the reality of Christ’s wrath, anger, or desire for justice and judgement. Yet, Ortlund keeps stressing that Christ errs towards mercy, and that his righteous anger stems from his compassion, being a right response from the one who truly cares.

Then he turns to exploring both God the Father and the Holy Spirit to further round out the truth that our triune God cares, loves, and is merciful.

I appreciated his discussion of God as portrayed in the Old Testament and the natural progression to Christ: 

“When we see Christ unveil his deepest heart as gentle and lowly, he is continuing the natural trajectory of what God had already been revealing about himself throughout the Old Testament. Jesus provides new sharpness to who God is, but not fundamentally new content” (p. 135)

“…the Bible’s revelation of what God’s deepest heart is - that is, what he delights to is most natural to him. Mercy is natural to him. Punishment is unnatural.” (p.140)

This was an interesting discussion of the Puritan Goodwin’s conclusion that his mercy is God’s natural work, but judgment is his strange work. Judgment happens when it must, but his heart bends towards mercy.

I found this book to be both greatly encouraging and deeply comforting. I read only one chapter at a time, more as a devotional. Each gave food for thought, and another entry point into considering Jesus’ love for me and his mercy extended new every morning. As such, its gives great assurance. For those who struggle to know they are loved by Christ, valued by him, and a joy to him, this would be excellent. And for those who tend to focus on what Christ has done - rather than who he is, and how he comes near to us - this is a great reminder of who Christ really is, the one we worship and adore.

Is it Abuse?

Is it Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims, Darby A. Strickland (P&R Publishing, 2020)

This book falls into that sad category that while being excellent, Christ-centred, and extremely helpful, it is only because of deep sinfulness that it needs to be written and read. 

Darby Strickland is an experienced counsellor in the field of abuse, and brings her significant years of learning, helping, and writing to those who want to further understand domestic abuse, its impacts, and how to support those in the midst of it.

This is not for those who are experiencing domestic abuse, they would be better to start with her mini-book: Domestic Abuse: Help for the Sufferer. Those in church leadership who want to start the process of understanding this issue better would be well placed to begin with her other mini-book:

Domestic Abuse: Recognize, Response, Rescue. 

While this is highly recommended for all in church leadership and those in pastoral care, it is also for those who want to walk alongside women in these situations:

“I have written this book for anyone who desires to come alongside a victim, or victims, of domestic abuse. Maybe you are a church leader, friend, or counselor, and you find yourself dealing with the many layers of complexity that unfold as you encounter an abusive marriage.” (p. 15)

Strickland anchors abuse in the language of oppression:

“I want you to grow in your understanding of what is at the root of oppression and what the Bible says about it while also giving you the means to create pathways to safety and restoration for victims.” (p. 16)

She states her three goals are to prepare the helper to be able to:

• pick up on cues that something is wrong, 
• draw out stories to get clarity on situations and their severity, and 
• be equipped to provide wise and Christ-centred counsel as you navigate this complex issue. 

The whole book is worded around a male perpetrator and a female victim, noting that is her area of expertise, and that statistics suggest is to be the case in >95% of situations. She does however, acknowledge it can be the reverse, and that the principles can be applied to male victims.

I’m not going  into deep level detail in this review, but will rather give readers a general overview, and some quotes. It’s a significant topic, and those that are interested in pursuing it would be much better placed to read the book.

Broken into three parts, Strickland begins by unpacking abuse: Part 1: Understanding Oppression

First, she considers “Is it Abuse?” and the complications of trying to know. One one hand “abuse is easy to miss, but it is even easier to minimise” (p. 15), yet we must go very slow, for much is at stake “for labelling something as abuse when it is not will do damage of a different kind” (p. 26). So, go slow, compile stories and examples of power and control.

At the core of abuse, she suggests, is oppression:

“Abuse occurs in a marriage when one spouse pursues their own self interests by seeking to control and dominate the other through a pattern of coercive, controlling, and punishing behaviours… I like to use the term oppression, seeing as it provides a framework for this behaviour that is addressed in scripture and captures the domination that it involves. No matter what form the oppression takes, its intended outcome is the same: to punish and wound a victim so that an oppressor gets their world the way they want it.” (p. 24)

In the end, the assessment is for coercive control, rather than based on specific incidents, many of which could be explained away.

“Abused women tend to ask somewhat veiled questions as they try figure out if what they are experiencing is normal and if you are a safe person to talk to” (p. 22).

To be the helper we need to listen carefully, offer gentle words, restore her ability to make choices, and bring her the truth that God loves her, honours her and delights in her.

She suggests that at the root of oppression is entitlement:

“While we all struggle with entitlement, oppressors exhibit patterns of demanding and punishing that are retrenched, unbending, and unrelenting”. This person:

• Deflects all blame 
• Admits no wrongdoing 
• Renationalises punishing behaviours as being an appropriate response (p. 64). 

She considers six false beliefs of an oppressor, of which some or all might be present:

• It’s all about me 
• You and I need only to listen to me 
• Rules are not for me to follow, they are to keep me happy 
• My anger is justified 
• Other people attack me 
• I don’t have to appreciate what you do, but you have to appreciate what I do 

She then spends time considering the wide range of impacts of abuse on a victim, and how to help her speak.

Part 2 - Uncovering Oppression explores physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, and financial abuse in detail, expounding on what they might look like, how they might impact her, and how to help someone in this situation. There are specific inventories included, which might assist both a victim and her helper to assess the severity of her situation, and how it might have escalated over time.

She notes that emotional abuse is the hardest to quantify:

“A broad category that encapsulates many forms of non-physical control. But we do not want to wrongly expand this label or over apply it. There are many good marriages in which cruel words are sometimes exchanged, and many bad but non-abusive marriages in which couples fight in detrimental ways.“ (p. 179)

The key is to look for patterns of control and dominance. She also considers extreme neglect and gaslighting, as they are two of the most difficult situations to detect.

Part 3 - Upholding the Oppressed has a chapter on helping mothers and children, noting the danger many children are in abusive households. Most children are aware of what is happening in the home, and some women might need to teach their children how to leave the house in a violent situation, or to call the police.

The final chapter, supporting steps towards freedom, confirms much of what Strickland said throughout - change is slow, it can take months or years for women to comprehend and face the abuse they are living with, and longer to choose what to do about it, whether challenge it, ask for help, or safely leave. She sagely notes that for all these situations, women will “have to pick their pain” - because every option is hard, challenging, and potentially dangerous.

The book finishes with some excellent appendices:

• Safety plan - for a woman to fill out, especially in cases of physical abuse, which outlines what action she might take and when. 
• Ten ways to educate your church, concluding a reference to this online course 
• Detecting red flags during dating 
• Premarital abuse assessment 
• Abusive argument inventory 

Not surprisingly, this is a very sobering read. The stories included are heart-rending, and the detailed abuse inventories are awful to imagine someone living with. Yet, there is hope here too. Strickland deeply cares about women in these situations, she longs for them to experience freedom in Christ and to have a deep knowledge of God’s love for the weak, the vulnerable, and the mistreated. She calls on us to care for abused women and walk alongside them. She encourages the church to have a role in loving and caring for victims, as well as challenging and (ideally) calling perpetrators to genuine repentance. It's worth reading, but even more so, it's worth being better equipped to walk alongside people in these very challenging situations. 

Fiction mini-reviews

One Hundred Days, Alice Pung 

This is a pretty searing read. Set in the 1980s, sixteen year old Karuna writes to her unborn baby. She lives under the very protective eye of her Chinese mother from the Philippines, Grand Mar. Since her father Grand Pa left (an older Australian man who Grand Mar came to Australia to marry), they live in housing commission flats in Melbourne and struggle to make ends meet. One summer, almost because she is bored, Karuna ends up pregnant. Once discovered, it becomes a battle of wills with her mother, who tries to control every aspect of her life. Those who have Asian heritage might recognise the numerous comments Grand Ma makes about the impending risks to the baby with every thing Karuna might do, eat or think, and her ignoring of all medical advice. It’s funny, but also sad and depressing. Grand Ma is threatening to raise the baby as her own, and Karuna is figuring out how to stand up for herself. I began to wonder if there would be any positive resolution at all. Without giving the ending away, there is certainly hope that begins to grow as to how this might all be sorted out. Not a relaxing read, but an excellent book nonetheless. 

Sorrow and Bliss, Meg Mason

Like the one above, this also confronts some significant topics, but with humour and insight along the way. Set in the UK, Martha has just turned 40, and her husband Patrick has moved out after years of love and strife. The reader then travels back to Martha’s early years and her onset of significant depression and mental illness at age 17, which impacts her at points over the following two decades. Her bohemian mother is mostly drunk, her loving poet father is trying to write again, and she and her sister Ingrid are devoted to each other. Alongside their aunt, uncle and cousins, and Patrick, all the stories of their lives are woven together. Feeling the range of emotions more than most, Martha moves between ecstasy at the wonders of life, and deep despondence and despair. Patrick’s love stands as the rock alongside her waves. It’s an insightful view into mental illness, and how it can shape people but does not need to define them. I read Mason’s humorous biography of motherhood (Say it Again in a Nice Voice) 10 years ago, and really enjoyed it. I am keen to turn to her other book You Be Mother now too. 

Go Tell the Bees that I am Gone, Diana Gabaldon 

Long term readers will be aware I am a Gabaldon fan, having read all her books over the last 15 years or so. This is the ninth in a now intended series of ten, and it’s been seven years since the publication of the last. So fans have to be in this for the long haul, not only time wise between book publications, but for the length of book - this one is almost 900 pages, with small font. It picks up exactly where Written in My Own Heart’s Blood left off, continuing the story of Jamie and Claire, and numerous family members including Roger & Brianna, Fergus & Marsali, Ian & Rachel, William, Lord John, etc. There’s no point in giving more details for fans will be keen to read it, and those who want to start need to go right back to Outlander. I imagine Gabaldon has more fans since the release of the Netflix series, but there is so much more detail in the books than the TV series can manage. (As with the TV series, there is a fair amount of sex and violence, and sometimes both together). I enjoyed it, having been long invested in the series, and I partularly like the details she includes of history, medicine, and people. (The last two books are partially set in the American Revolution, with some overlap of events covered in Hamilton). Having said that, it is getting overblown and starting to feel a little indulgent. I’m hoping she doesn’t take another seven years to write the final! One particular quote that I did like: 

“One of the benefits of long marriage is that you can see quite clearly where some conversations are likely to lead - and occasionally you can sidestep the booby traps and choose another path by silent mutual assent.”