Man's Search for Meaning

Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

 

This small volume is divided into two main parts. The first tells of Frankl’s experiences in German concentration camps during WWII. The second is called Logotherapy in a Nutshell, and provides a summary of his existential approach to psychotherapy. Both are under 100 pages, but are packed full of narrative and insight.

As the years increase since WWII and the horror of that history fades, it seems even more important to ensure these accounts remain shared and available. Frankl spent over three years in Auschwitz, Dachau and other concentration camps. As with all such stories, there is horror and mundanity, as well as cruelty and kindness. Years of toil, hunger, and sickness surrounded by constant death. Yet, also moments of love, support and care. His account focuses more on how he and others responded to imprisonment, how people coped or not, and how people’s characters were evident. It’s not so much an orderly account, but rather a series of impressions and reflections. He concludes: 

“But for one of the liberated prisoners, the day comes when, looking back on his camp experiences, he can no longer understand how he endured it all. As the day of his liberation eventually came, when everything seemed to him like a beautiful dream, so also the day comes when all his camp experiences seem to him nothing but a nightmare. The crowning experience of all, for the homecoming man, is the wonderful feeling that, after he has suffered, there is nothing he need fear any more – except his God.”

Frankl was already an experienced psychiatrist when he was sent to the camps. Unsurprisingly, his observations greatly impacted his thinking about humanity and where people find meaning. This led to a whole school of psychotherapy (logotherapy) that explored a person’s search for meaning as a central motivational force. He posited that people need a purposeful goal, something that provides a reason to continue, and enables one to endure suffering. As Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

The question of overall meaning is important for many - what am I here? What is the purpose of life? Yet Frankly pushes this further, noting that people need more than that, they need specific meaning at a given moment:

“One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfilment… Thus, everyone's task is as unique as a specific opportunity to implement it.

He suggests that we can discover meaning in three different ways:

• creating a work or deed 
• experiencing something (such as goodness, truth & beauty) or encountering someone (by loving them) 
• the attitude we have towards unavoidable suffering
  

Much of Frankl’s approach resonates with me: 

“When a patient stands upon the firm ground of religious belief, there can be no objection to making use of the therapeutic effect of his religious convictions and therefore drawing upon his spiritual resources.”

This little book has numerous observations that may be more interesting to those working in the therapeutic space. Yet, there is also a wider appeal, as Frankl explores humanity and a reality that’s rarely examined today. 

“A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self determining. What he becomes – within the limits of endowment and environment – he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behave like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualised depends on decisions but not on conditions.

Our generation is realistic, for we have come to know man as he really is. After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord's Prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips.”

A moving and insightful read.

Loving your adult children

Loving your adult children, Gaye B. Clark (Crossway, 2024)

Last year I read two books about parenting adult children, both of which prompted my thinking about this life stage.

This one, by Gaye Clark, was the most challenging and my favourite. She’s pitching it for those with slightly older adult children, that is those over 21, living outside the home, and financially independent. While the other books focused more on how to parent at this stage, she offers “an invitation to renew your love for Christ and shows how that love can inform your parenting” (p3).

She starts through the lens of the key components of the gospel - faith, repentance, grace, hope and church. Each is addressed in own chapter, and points the parent to consider their own relationship with God, with the goal of ongoing refining ourselves. As parents, we are to put Christ first and not let our children be idols. To truly repent of our sins, especially as they have impacted our children.

The chapter on grace was explored through the parable of the prodigal son, and asks “Are you willing to endure humiliation for the well-being of an adult child, even an unrighteous one?” The challenge extends further: our child may treat us like an ATM, but do we treat God the same way? I have often been challenged by the proposition that perhaps our children are here to change us more than we are here to change them: “Remembering the cost of your salvation may not transform your adult son or daughter, but it can change you” (p41). I really liked the honesty of this chapter and the call on parents to be the ones to extend grace, time and time again.

Clark is honest about the pain and grief of unreconciled relationships some have with the children, and at the same time encourages parents to analyse their own role in that: our pain can blind us to our children and our children can feel judged by us. She challenges parents to consider their own commitment to Christ and his church, “If we have not taken the church seriously or been fully committed to it, we can repent and change course. We can talk openly about those changes which may speak volumes to our adult children.” (p69)

The second half of the book considers the role of the fruit of the Spirit in enhancing our relationship with Christ and our children. I found these chapters so helpful - both instructive and challenging. Patience “is a key ingredient in healthy relationships, especially with our children” (84). So we need to be wary of “grumbling which is a form of impatience, will involve the judgment of God. It feeds resentment, bitterness, and anger.” (86). Practical advice included:

Remember, others need to have patience with us

• Be careful not to think too highly of yourself 
• Get a grip on your anger 
• Guard your speech, and 
• Watch out for growing bitterness

Our goodness and kindness speak volumes, even when not reciprocated. Gentleness may mean choosing not to speak or at other times, choosing to speak. Self-control can be a challenge: “When you see your adult children engaged in sinful patterns, it may be time to consider whether they are simply modelling your behaviour.” (p113-4). Faithfulness, joy, peace and love - all challenging but how we are called to live, and we grow in Christlikeness.

I found this to be a biblically faithful exploration of what it means to parent adult children with love, grace, and gentleness. Clark was serious and honest about the challenges and how they can impact our relationship with God and our own godliness. Her encouragement was to consider your relationship with God and your own attitude and behaviour, and let that frame the person you are and the parent you are. She doesn’t dismiss the pain some parents face in these years, but also invites reflection on the part that parents might play in restoring and improving relationships with their children. Recommended reading.