Families in God's Plan

Families in God’s Plan, Harriet Connor (Growing Faith, 2021)

This online bible study resource is mainly for parents who want to explore their family’s purpose and place in God’s plan. Harriet Connor, author of Big Picture Parents, has provided 12 studies that consider families as being part of creation, affected by the fall, redeemed by Christ, and called to love God and others. While encompassing a definition of family to be extended and multi-generational, the focus is mainly for parents and primary caregivers.

The studies are designed to take about 45 mins, with questions exploring relevant Bible passages, suggestions for how to apply it to your own life, and a Psalm to prompt prayer. An additional “Parents’ Talking Point” box is included at the end of each study.

Over the course of the studies, Connor considers the place of families:

• in creation 
• in a fallen world 
• in the line of Abraham 
• on the foundation of God’s law 
• in God’s family 
• in the light of eternity.

As such, there is a real breadth covered, as well as enough depth for contemplation. I feel the real benefit of these studies will be for parents. Those who take time over the studies and the talking points to discuss the points raised, will likely find it a great opportunity to recheck or even realign their family’s priorities and goals. For those familiar with God’s promises and the overall structure of the bible, there won’t be anything strikingly new here. However, having it all together in one resource is very helpful. I would recommend it for any Christian couple becoming parents or in the earlier years of parenting, or for those who have not really considered their parenting from a Christian lens before.

I had just a few hesitations:

• Study 2 refers to “significant psychological challenges” children have to overcome if not born in a healthy marriage with stable relationships with both parents. This could set up parents in different situations to feel additional burden and guilt. The very large topic of reproductive technologies and surrogacy was raised, but with little guidance or nuance on how to think about it (except to reference a somewhat combative website). 
• Study 8 flags that some Christians think corporal punishment is required. Caution about this view is warranted, rather than just making a general comment either way. 

Overall, these studies are valuable, and will expand anyone’s understanding and vision of God’s plan for families.

[You can purchase them for download here.]


I was given an ecopy of these studies in exchange for an honest review.

Praying as a family - specific prayer

The last post was about regular general family prayers. However there are many times where we turn to prayer as a family for a specific reason. I mentioned some of these previously, for we want to be able to pray anytime. 

When children are trusted with information about people around them, we can turn specific news into opportunities for prayer. Sometimes these are praise points – someone became a Christian! Or is having a baby! Or is getting married! Other times they are prayer points – someone is sick or had an accident.

As they become more aware of the world and current events, we can also turn these into opportunities for prayer. Perhaps we will come before God about wars, natural disasters, elections, etc.

We have found that when our missionary updates come through, it is a great night to skip the general prayers and focus on that person or family in particular. We read the update together, talk about what it means, how they might feel in similar situations and then all pray for them. So if you are a missionary or ministry worker who sends out updates – let me encourage you to make them family friendly, then we can all pray for you!

That completes these 5 posts about family prayer and praying with children.   
Coming next: some prayer resources.

Praying as a family - general prayers

The ideas of praying together as a family are no different than praying with each of your children individually. The only requirement is that it is manageable for each age represented!

When we pray together as a family we do it after dinner at the table. We have a set of prayer cards which have a photo and some simple prayers. Everyone gets a card and we pray going around the table twice in order from youngest to oldest. The first time around we pray from our cards, the second time around we thank God for something. We go from youngest to oldest so the youngest ones don’t have their prayer points already used up by the time it is their turn!

The cards have both written prayers and photos so that:

• the non-reader can pray a simple prayer by recognising the person in the photo
• the early reader can read out the prayers
• the confident reader can read out the prayer or change it
• Mum & Dad usually add extra things to their prayers

We have 6 categories of cards:

• God & Jesus
• Our family - the five of us
• Extended family
• Godparents and Compassion children
• Staff at church & ES (these are the colleagues, friends and co-workers that our children know)
• Missionaries / overseas workers

They all sit in a business card display box, you can see a photo below. We just grab whichever ones are on top for that night and put them at the back of the pile again when finished.

I have realised recently that I need to update them all – they were all copied from the ones we do for our kids individually, so they are all singular (I/me). I want to change them to be plural for the family (we/us).

If you like this idea here is how we did it: I bought business cards to print out, printed them in colour, laminated them as full sheets, then cut out the individual cards. They do last longer if laminated, but they generally need to be updated every 6-12 months, so it doesn’t really matter. The holder was from an office supply store. Again, just like the written prayers for readers (link) it takes some time the first time you do it, but after that, it is quick and easy to update.

What other ideas do you have for praying together as a family?

Teaching the faith - resources

On Monday I talked about using a catechism to teach our children the faith.

I have come across a book which helps us to do exactly that.

Training Hearts, Teaching Minds by Starr Meade is a book of family devotions based on the Shorter Catechism.

She has arranged 6 daily devotions around each of the 107 questions of the Shorter Catechism (which she has adapted into more modern, accessible language). If you do it with her timetable it will take 2 years. However, I imagine it's the type of resource you use in bits and pieces. Perhaps you decide the first 20 questions are your goal for this year, or something like that.

Because the language is so accessible, you could also make this version your 'family catechism' and learn one per week and talk about it at the same time. We may indeed switch to that at some point.

We have not started this book yet, but once we have a bit more of our family catechism under way - we will stop and work on some of them in detail for a while, possibly with just the older children. I'll let you know how we go!


Another resource, along the same line is Bruce Ware's Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God. Ware is professor of Christian Theology at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. When his daughters were young, he would sit with them at night and teach them the same material (yet simplified) that he he was teaching his students.

He has turned those times into this book. There are 3-4 pages per topic, covering topics (which are all broken into smaller sections) such as:

- God's word and who God is
- God as three in one
- God is creator and ruler of all
- our human nature and sin
- the person and work of Jesus Christ
- the Holy Spirit, etc, etc

It is essentially a doctrine course for children and youth. Having looked through it (although we haven't used it ourselves yet) - it seems appropriate to read and explain to primary-schoolers or perhaps something you could give to a teenager. My guess is that parents would learn a massive amount from reading it too! It looks like exactly what we learnt at bible college, but in much more manageable language.

Does anyone else know of any resources that help teach the faith to children?

Teaching the faith

The realisation that I am already doing my ideal job, combined with some recent reading, has again convinced me that as parents we are the ones responsible (under God) for teaching our children about the Christian faith.

My primary job is to raise our 3 children to know and love Jesus. Of course, how they respond to that in their own time will be up to God choosing to convince them and them responding to him.

If I am too busy with other commitments to do this well, I am making unhelpful choices for our family. It's been a helpful reminder to me as I take on talks, seminars, catch-ups with other women, etc - all good things, but still not my primary role.

Also, while I am extremely grateful for those that teach our children in their programs at church, it would be irresponsible of me to assume that what they are taught there is all they need to know. Could you become adequately educated about the bible and matters of faith with ~1 hour input per week?

It is our job to teach our children the faith.

Part of this is by modelling it. (I have talked about this in a previous series)

But I am more and more convinced that it is also about actively teaching it.

Over the last 8 years, in our family the teaching has been based around reading the bible to the children at their appropriate stage, talking about it and explaining it where necessary.

It is becoming clear that they know all the stories in the children's bibles. Of course they continue to learn from them and we will always ensure that bible reading and some study of the bible is part of their daily routine.

Now, however, we are turning to the bigger picture. We want to teach them a Christian framework. We want them to grow up thinking as Christians and from God's point of view. To that end, we are now turning to more actively teaching them about God and the faith.

On Monday, I'll tell you how we have started.

God, Marriage and Family

God, Marriage and Family, Andreas J. Kostenburger

I have recently written a review of God, Marriage and Family for webSALT, the AFES online magazine for university students. The review is tailored for university students, but you can still see what I think are the real strengths of the book from the review following.

You may be wondering why, as a university student, you would possibly be interested in a book titled God, Marriage and Family. Marriage (and certainly children) probably seem like they are a long way off, and surely you can think about that later in life! Well, I agree with you! Save the 'how to' marriage and parenting books for when you are nearer that life stage. However, this book is so much better than any 'how to' book you will find. Köstenberger has written this excellent book to challenge and teach us how to think in a godly way about marriage, family and all related issues that spring from them.

Do you know how to think biblically about IVF? About divorce and remarriage? About various parenting styles? About different contraceptive methods? About how to be a godly husband or wife? About how to be a godly single person? About homosexuality?

Whether or not you are facing these issues right now, someone around you is and, as Christians, we want to be wise and biblical at all times and in all circumstances.

In the opening chapter, Köstenberger observes that “for the first time in its history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms 'marriage' and 'family'" (p. 25). This cultural crisis, with the institutions of marriage and family under siege, however is "merely symptomatic of a deep-seated spiritual crisis" (p. 25). His conclusion is that we must be seeking a spiritual solution, not a cultural one.

This is exactly what Köstenberger has done – provided a resource so that we can think biblically about all of these issues. He grounds the entire book in Scripture, creating one readable, detailed, and evangelical book which addresses all issues related to marriage and the family. While he deals with a number of large topics in detail, he moves through them quickly and easily, presenting the biblical data and drawing conclusions from them. This book can be read straight through, to get a feel of the overall arguments, but its real value is probably as a resource. You can easily just read a relevant chapter when needed. Also, keep an eye out for the endnotes. Rarely do I read the endnotes in a book, but these were excellent – they were a wealth of further information, resources, and additional reading material. In the end I read this book with the Bible open next to me and one finger in the endnotes, and was able to easily flip between them all.

Köstenberger has also provided a bible study for each chapter, so this book could easily be read and talked about in a group context. And, he even gives the answers in a separate section! Very helpful for anyone running such a group.

While the entire book was good, here are a few areas of the book that I thought were particularly helpful:

• The chapter on homosexuality is a good, detailed chapter which includes lots of information including the arguments used on both sides of the fence and where the errors in them lie.

• The chapter on divorce and remarriage gives detailed attention to and discussion about the biblical passages. It is well presented, and his conclusions were helpful.

• Chapter 7 included a detailed discussion about contraception, the various methods and the pros and cons of each. This is an issue rarely discussed in Christian circles, but it probably should be talked about more. Knowing where to find this information, even before you have the need for it, only enhances this book’s value as a resource.

Unless, one is very certain, therefore, that Scripture absolutely prohibits divorce and remarriage under any and all circumstances (only remarriage in the case of the death of one spouse excepted), it would seem wise to err on the side of mercy and to allow for divorce and remarriage in the cases of adultery and abandonment, lest people are held to a standard that may be higher even that the biblical one. (p. 257)

So, if you are want to think more about what marriage, family and all the issues surrounding them mean, and you want to establish a solid biblical foundation for your thinking - read this book!

Families and fathers...

In a fit of nostalgia this week, I recorded and watched Father of the Bride II. I have always loved these movies - both I & II.

I first saw Father of the Bride at the movies with my family when it was released in 1991. My sister and I were 14 and 15. For those who may not have seen it, it is the story of a father and how he 'manages' when his daughter becomes engaged and then married. It's a comedy with a reasonable amount of slapstick humour, but also has a lovely message. He loves his daughter, wants to ensure that this man is going to love her and care for her, and he is not sure he is ready to 'let her go'.

I still remember when the movie finished and my sister & I turned to our parents (having all enjoyed it) to realise that my father was moved to tears imagining us, his own daughters, growing up and marrying. Both of us were very touched at the time (and I still am whenever I think about it). In fact, we watched it again the night before my wedding, and felt the weight of it even more.

We happily saw the sequel in 1995. In the sequel the daughter is now pregnant, and so, unexpectedly, is his wife (as they approach their late forties). Again, lots of gag humour, but a lovely story. While it's a spanner in the works, new life is cherished even at this 'unexpected' stage of life.

As I watched II again last night, I realised why I like these movies so much. They have such a positive outlook on family. Here is a man, who cherishes his wife - "I love her as much as the day I married her" (he says) and he loves his children protectively and wants the best for them. And while much of the humour is based around his inability to cope with change, he is not cast as a useless man who gets nothing done. He is the man of the family and takes care of them all with love and dedication.

It's only 15+ years since these movies were made, but I cannot recall many movies since then like this. I presume this is a reflection of the times and what sells at the box office, but have you noticed that today:

• Almost no movies portray healthy long-term marriages. Rarely do we see couples who have stuck together for decades through the ups and downs of life.


• Similarly, rarely are families shown as being stable, loving and supportive, with a mutual care and love between the parents & children.


• The father-figure these days is rarely a man of honour and strength with a desire to protect his family. Especially rarely is the depiction of a loving healthy relationship between a father and a daughter.


• Most parents are maligned in the movies - the interfering mother wanting grandchildren, the absent father, the abusive parent, etc. There is rarely a parent illustrated that one would want as a role model.


• These days unexpected pregnancies in movies all deal with the 'whether or not to keep the baby' question. Here it was just assumed and even though it would be hard, there was no question of continuing on with the pregnancy. (Which is very different I might add to recent similar themes in the Australian drama Packed to the Rafters, that may warrant a post another day!)

For me, in the end, the main reason I love these two movies is that it reminds me of my relationship with my parents and especially my father. While he is nothing like Steve Martin in this movie, my father loves my mother, cares for her deeply, and loves my sister & I very much. He has always wanted the best for all of us, and has done his best to provide it. And, now I have the privilege of seeing how he must have been with us as young children, as he plays with my children.

Let's have more positive role of models of families and fathers out there - we all benefit!

And thanks Dad - for everything.