Safeguards

Safeguards: Shielding Our Homes and Equipping Our Kids, Julie Lowe (New Growth Press, 2022) 

I continue to be impressed by the resources that Julie Lowe provides parents. As a biblical counsellor, mother of six, and author of Child Proof and Building Bridges, she has much wisdom and experience. Her new offering, Safeguards, encourages parents to “establish a home and a worldview that protects your children.” Her overarching principles are that: 

1. We live in a broken, fallen world.
2. We teach children to navigate the world by helping them learn to discern good from evil and right from wrong. Safety skills are a fruit of this. 
3. Yet, we trust that our safety ultimately rests in the hands of our God. 

She opens with wisdom as the foundation for equipping children with safety skills. This recognises the dangers in our modern world that is technology rich, peer influenced, and self-oriented. Yet, as in every age, our hearts are sinful and our motivations are never pure, and we are called to be salt and light. Neither worry nor denial are safety skills, and we don’t want to raise fearful kids, but equipped kids. A parent’s role is to know their children, where they are vulnerable, and to equip them discerningly for the realities of life and things they may experience. 

 The middle section covers numerous areas in which to equip children with safety skills. This covers a wide range of topics and scenarios:

• sexual abuse 
• teaching kids to evaluate behaviour 
• using role play to practice managing situations 
• key topics to discuss: abuse, sex, respect & privacy, when it’s OK and not OK to be uncomfortable, and being able to say no 
• technology and how to use it 
• bullying, if kids get lost, sleepovers, babysitters, & safety plans. 

Each has wise advice and suggestions, acknowledging that each family will make their own decisions. 

The final section considers safety with teenagers and young adults. The chapter headings give a fair idea of what is covered: 

• Teenagers needs genuine relationships with God and their parents
• Comparison, peer pressure and treating others with respect 
• Sex and dating 
• Social media and technology safety 
• Pornography and sexting 
• Alcohol abuse, drugs and smoking/ vaping 
• Navigating mental health struggles (of kids and their friends) 
• Safety skills for growing independence - when in public, driving, etc. 
• Online dating, consent, and campus life 

Lowe finishes with the comfort and encouragement that God is our refuge and strength and very present help in trouble. Whatever situations we and our children will face, we can still turn to the Lord for help. 

Some parents may read this and feel overwhelmed. But much of it is proactive, wise, common sense applied to the challenges of parenting. Only some will be applicable for the stage you are at, so you can read what is relevant and come back to the rest later. The advantage of this information in one book means that it may operate as an alert to remind you of things you have put off addressing with your kids, or may raise issues you have not yet thought about. A helpful resource for parents. 

I received an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

God Made All of Me

A new resource is being released today by New Growth Press. I have been privileged to see an advance copy and am excited to share it with you. Sometimes reviewing books brings sadness and grief at the state of the world, and that sin requires certain books to be written. At the same time, I’m very glad God Made All of Me has been written, so that parents and carers have an excellent resource to teach their children about body safety and the appropriate and inappropriate touch of others.

It is written by Justin A. Holcomb and Lindsey A. Holcomb, authors of books such as Rid of My Disgrace and Is it My Fault? which deal with different aspects of abuse for adults.

God Made All of Me is aimed at children aged 2-8, although you could definitely read it to older children, especially if you struggle to talk about these issues in conversation. It is clear and simple, told in a family setting (Mum, Dad, daughter Kayla and son David). It deals with the differences in types of touch and explains to kids that if they don’t like it, don’t want it, or it makes them feel weird, they can say no. They talk about how this even applies to family members, with the implication being if you don’t want an elderly relative to kiss and cuddle you, you don’t have to. Some families will possibly need to talk about this further, depending on various relative’s expectations.

It also draws a clear distinction between secrets and surprises and helps adults think about the language they use. One thing I really liked was the encouragement for kids to keep trying to tell someone if they need to, even if people seem busy (with a picture of Dad reading the paper and Mum having coffee at her laptop!). Then there is the chance to talk with your child about who their ‘safe & strong’ people are – people who they can talk to if they need to – this is a great practical idea and it’s helpful to hear who your kids think are their safe people.

I have only ever seen one other book that talks about these issues, which was very good and was published by Family Planning Queensland.   The clear advantage of God Made All of Me, is that it is in a strongly Christian framework talking about how God made all of our bodies.

My note of warning about that book also stays the same for this one: if you have it in your house, do not leave it around for children to read on their own. The front page has sexual assault statistics, and at the end there are notes for parents “9 ways to protect your children from sexual assault”, which could be just too much information, especially for young children. This is definitely a book to read with your children and talk about with them, not just hand to them.

For more details, see the website www.godmadeallofme.com.  It's definitely a book worth getting.

How God makes babies

How God makes Babies, Jim Burns

This is the next book in the same series by Jim Burns.  Again, it has great simple text and colourful fun photos.

Aimed at ages 6-9, it goes into a little more detail about boys and girls’ bodies and includes great section of personal safety talking about how no-one needs to see your private parts and no-one should get to touch them.* It talks in more detail about marriage, how husband and wife come together to make a baby and how a baby is born. Like the previous book, it also talks about how some children come into a family via adoption.

This is a great book to have on hand if you know someone who is pregnant, or you are about to welcome a little brother or sister into your home. It answers many of the ‘but how?’ questions.  It may give a bit more detail than you want, but it is all accurate and open and very well done.

* another great book which deals with personal safety is: Everyone’s Got a Bottom (reviewed here)

Triple Zero Kid's Challenge

I came across a great website recently, thanks to our neighbourhood watch newsletter.

The emergency services across Australia have created a Triple Zero Website for children. It's a set of cartoon scenarios which require either police, fire, or ambulance help. It helps kids (kindy and primary schoolers) know what to do in an emergency.

I'm what I call a 'catastrophiser'. I tend to imagine the worst. So I have wondered what would happen if there was an emergency in the house - would the kids know what to do? I even used to wonder if you could ring 000 just to have a practice (but knew we better not).

This website shows kids what counts as an emergency, when to ring 000 and what to say. Even I found it helpful and when I had reason to call 000 for the fire department recently, I knew how the phone conversation would go and I was ready for it.

I think it has sunk in for the kids too, as after we played on the website, they created an emergency game outside, calling 000, asking for fire, or police or ambulance and explaining the situation to each other over the 'phone'.

That was time well spent online.

Everyone's got a bottom

Everyone's got a bottom, Tess Rowley and Jodi Edwards
(produced by Family Planning Queensland)

Here is a children's book that is excellent, well written and helpful - yet you wish it never had to be made.

This story about Ben, his brother and sister introduces the idea of self-protection and personal safety in a positive and clear way.

It introduces the family and how they have fun together. Then it talks about how kids learn to look after themselves - brush their teeth, etc. It moves onto to explain that they learn to look after our own bodies, giving proper names for private parts (helpfully explaining the differences between girls and boys). It explains the idea of privacy well, and the idea of rules about bodies:

Mum and Dad have given us a rule about touching. Nobody can touch our bodies including our private parts without good reason.

If someone bigger or older than me wants to touch or see my private parts or show me theirs, that is not ok. I think that is rude.

It might be a person that I know and like. It is still not ok...

What I really liked was that it said that we don't need to keep secrets about bodies "Secrets can be about surprises and presents. We can talk about our bodies feeling safe and feeling hurt."

Throughout the book on most pages it has the same refrain:

From our head to our toes,
We can say what goes.

My kids were chanting this by the end of the first reading, so the idea at least caught on.

You will probably find it hard to read it to your kids. It is well worth doing, but it raises so many ideas in your mind that you may find it tough (especially if you have a personal history of abuse).

However, it's a resource that is needed and for many families it will be a helpful way to start conversations with their children about their personal safety, as well as possibly adopting this family's house rules for your own. It matched almost everything I have wanted to explain to my kids, but did in a much better way (much more positive and much less scary) than anything I would have come up with.

One note though - if you have it in your house, do not leave it around for children to read on their own - the back page has detailed instructions for parents/caregivers, much of which could be alarming for a child to read. This is definitely a book to keep high on a shelf and then read with them and talk about.