Year 7 Daughters and Dads

We kick off the year with a post written by Husband about a graduation event he and some other dads ran for their Yr 7 daughters at the end of last year. 

Continuing the tradition which we began with our son, the end of 2018 was Miss 13's turn to mark this significant rite of passage - finishing primary school, and starting high school.

She has been looking forward to this ever since her big brother's occasion, and so it was with great excitement and anticipation that we gathered with nine other Christian Dads and Daughters.

The afternoon activity was outdoor laser-tag - the Daughters insisted that they be teamed against their Dads! Suffice it to say that whatever they might have lacked in overall strategy, their small size and superior speed definitely helped ...

Afterwards we had a lovely BBQ dinner and dessert back at our place. Some of the girls even braved the pool (having been promised a swim, mere 19 degree temperatures weren't going to stop them!)

The highlight of the night were some brief formalities - every Dad had a few minutes to share some of the ways they were thankful to God for their daughter, as well as offer a piece of advice (with a bible verse) to all the girls as they begin high school. Every daughter also received a "memento" of some description to accompany that piece of advice, and a "treasured memories box" to store them in.

All in all it was a wonderful night, and Miss 13 is already asking about what we will do next year!

Sons & Dads - primary school graduation

We kick off the year with a post written by Husband about a great event he and some other dads ran for their sons at the end of last year:

With Mr 12 reaching the end of primary school (Year 7 in SA), we wanted to celebrate his graduation and passing through this significant rite of passage. Although the school has its usual ceremonies, we were especially keen to mark this important occasion from a Christian perspective. I was particularly challenged by a fantastic book Raising A Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis to make the most of the special opportunities to help boys become men of faith.

Mr 12 has been very fortunate in that he has 6 close Christian friends with whom he has grown up, crossing paths at Christian camps and socially.  And so in August 2015 I asked the Dads if they would be interested in joining us to make a wonderful celebration for our sons.

After we met together to dream and scheme, we came up with the following program for the first Friday after school finished - designed to be both fun and profound:

1. In late November each boy received a formal invitation by mail.

2. The afternoon began with some fun activities - our initial plan was to play some "Dads vs Sons" sport at the local school (basketball, cricket) - but when a notorious Adelaide heatwave set in we decided that 40 degree heat would not be wise for the health of middle-aged men! So we went bowling and had a great time (for the record the Dads DID win!)

3. We then came back to our place for a swim and a BBQ, and general relaxing (Wendy and Miss 10 & 8 graciously absented themselves for this "men only" event!). After dinner, we had the more "formal" part of the evening, in 3 stages:

i. Each father had brought a baby photo of himself and of his son, and we tried to guess which family was pictured! (in our case, we were the only Asian family, so that made it a bit easier ...)

ii. Each father then spoke for a few minutes on the topic of "why I'm thankful to God for my son", by means of publicly praising and encouraging our own sons in front of their peers.

iii. Each father then spoke for a few minutes to the boys, giving them a piece of advice about the next stage of life connected with a bible passage, and a memento/token to help them remember the advice. They were also given a box to keep all their goodies ... 

4. Finally there was more swimming, relaxing and of course, dessert!

Overall it was a wonderful occasion - it was so encouraging to hear all the dads speak of their thankfulness to God, and to offer similar encouragements (in different words) to our boys about how to stand firm for Jesus. By the time the night had finished our sons were already planning an event for next year ...

Thanks especially to our wives for supporting us!

PS: Mr 12 says: "I thought it was a really great time. It was a great opportunity to learn a lot, and to be encouraged in our faith in Jesus as we go onto high school. I especially liked the goodies we got to keep, which were all really well chosen. Thanks to the dads for organising this! And my Dad has had no influence over what I've just said!"

Getting Real - pt 2

Getting Real: Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls, edited by Melinda Tankard Reist

Last week I made a few general comments about this book, this week I want to share some of the things I have been thinking as a response to reading it:

Bigger Issues:

• We need to keep trusting God. He is in control, he is sovereign and he also hates that girls are being sexualised by our culture. Instead of feeling overwhelmed or despairing, we must keep remembering that God cares for our children.

• Do you know what the overarching question was that kept coming back to me as I read this book? Where are the parents? Why are parents not standing up to this, drawing boundaries around their children, refusing to allow certain things into the home, caring about their children and what they are exposed to? We need not be afraid to stand up for our children because no one else will, and because that is our job. We are their advocates in this world.
  

As mothers:

As mothers we need to be very careful how we portray ourselves to our daughters:

• Do you spend a lot of time 'beautifying' yourself, rather than showing contentedness about your body
• Do you talk about your body in a denigrating way, 'I hate my thighs', or worse 'pregnancy ruined my body'
• Do you 'diet' rather than 'eat healthily'
• Do you exercise to 'lost weight', or to be 'be healthy' / 'because you like it'
• Do you have magazines around the house that focus on body image, beauty and gossip? Chances are they are not helping our own self-esteem, let along that of our daughters.

As fathers:

Fathers must play a crucial role, both in teaching their sons and daughters. My father was a wonderful example of this - he has two daughters. He told us we were wonderful, and beautiful, and clever and capable. He obviously loved us, he had great joy in our abilities academically and in sport, and he treated us as special women. He talked about his three lovely women and how much we meant to him. We knew, both in watching how Dad treated Mum, and how he treated us, that women deserved to be treated well & with respect, and that we should not put up with anything less.

Our sons:

Nicole made a very helpful comment about our sons with regard to this book:

But at times, I felt that some of the authors were assuming that girls were the only victims of the sex / pornography / industries - and that boys were only ever the perpetrators. As a mother of a boy (as well as two girls) I would hate to see my son grow up in a culture that was even more suspicious of and hostile to masculinity than it already is. (see her post)

I totally agree. I want my son to grow up loving & respecting women, knowing what real women look like, that sex is wonderful but for marriage, and that husbands and wives can truly love and delight in each other. And he is only going to learn that from us, from other Christians and from God's word. He is not going to learn it from anyone in the world. I suspect it is really here that fathers can play a crucial role.

Our daughters:

Most points from the other sections also flow over for daughters, however, here are a few extra thoughts.

• What do you let your girls wear? Is the language/concept of modesty used in your home? Do your girls wear things you would never leave the house in?
• Do you praise your daughter for her kind heart, her generous nature, her care of others, as well as telling her she looks pretty?
• Read books that actually teach how to think about raising girls from a Christian perspective. I have read Girl Talk and 5 Conversations You Must have With Your Daughter and found both helpful in thinking through a number of these issues.
  

Practically:

• Do you even raise the issues with your children? As you drive past advertising - do you ask "Why does she need to wear a bikini to sell a Coke?" Or "Why does she need to lie on the car to tell people to buy it?" We are probably a few years off raising these things explicitly with our kids, so if you are doing so, I would love to hear how you do.
• Do you have practical steps in place to protect your children at home? No TVs, computers, mobiles in bedrooms. Internet filters. Computers where adults can see them. Access to their Facebook & My Space pages.
• What TV shows do you watch as a family? What do you let them watch? Do you talk about what they show says about people?
• Complain when necessary. Contact the Advertising Standards Board when you see something inappropriate.
• Have a look at the Kids Free 2B Kids website for more information
  

Any other thoughts?

Families and fathers...

In a fit of nostalgia this week, I recorded and watched Father of the Bride II. I have always loved these movies - both I & II.

I first saw Father of the Bride at the movies with my family when it was released in 1991. My sister and I were 14 and 15. For those who may not have seen it, it is the story of a father and how he 'manages' when his daughter becomes engaged and then married. It's a comedy with a reasonable amount of slapstick humour, but also has a lovely message. He loves his daughter, wants to ensure that this man is going to love her and care for her, and he is not sure he is ready to 'let her go'.

I still remember when the movie finished and my sister & I turned to our parents (having all enjoyed it) to realise that my father was moved to tears imagining us, his own daughters, growing up and marrying. Both of us were very touched at the time (and I still am whenever I think about it). In fact, we watched it again the night before my wedding, and felt the weight of it even more.

We happily saw the sequel in 1995. In the sequel the daughter is now pregnant, and so, unexpectedly, is his wife (as they approach their late forties). Again, lots of gag humour, but a lovely story. While it's a spanner in the works, new life is cherished even at this 'unexpected' stage of life.

As I watched II again last night, I realised why I like these movies so much. They have such a positive outlook on family. Here is a man, who cherishes his wife - "I love her as much as the day I married her" (he says) and he loves his children protectively and wants the best for them. And while much of the humour is based around his inability to cope with change, he is not cast as a useless man who gets nothing done. He is the man of the family and takes care of them all with love and dedication.

It's only 15+ years since these movies were made, but I cannot recall many movies since then like this. I presume this is a reflection of the times and what sells at the box office, but have you noticed that today:

• Almost no movies portray healthy long-term marriages. Rarely do we see couples who have stuck together for decades through the ups and downs of life.


• Similarly, rarely are families shown as being stable, loving and supportive, with a mutual care and love between the parents & children.


• The father-figure these days is rarely a man of honour and strength with a desire to protect his family. Especially rarely is the depiction of a loving healthy relationship between a father and a daughter.


• Most parents are maligned in the movies - the interfering mother wanting grandchildren, the absent father, the abusive parent, etc. There is rarely a parent illustrated that one would want as a role model.


• These days unexpected pregnancies in movies all deal with the 'whether or not to keep the baby' question. Here it was just assumed and even though it would be hard, there was no question of continuing on with the pregnancy. (Which is very different I might add to recent similar themes in the Australian drama Packed to the Rafters, that may warrant a post another day!)

For me, in the end, the main reason I love these two movies is that it reminds me of my relationship with my parents and especially my father. While he is nothing like Steve Martin in this movie, my father loves my mother, cares for her deeply, and loves my sister & I very much. He has always wanted the best for all of us, and has done his best to provide it. And, now I have the privilege of seeing how he must have been with us as young children, as he plays with my children.

Let's have more positive role of models of families and fathers out there - we all benefit!

And thanks Dad - for everything.