Teenagers and Mental Health

Teenagers and Mental Health: A Handbook for Parents, Pastors, and Youth Leaders, Monica Kim and Danny Kwon (New Growth Press, 2025)

This is an excellent resource for those wanting to provide Christian care for teenagers with mental health challenges. Kim and Kwon aim to 

“outline the foundational elements of humble, godly, compassionate care for parents and churches who engage with teenagers struggling with mental illness. Our prayer is that parents, pastors, and youth leaders will be equipped to care in a variety of ways, feel empowered to do so more wisely and skillfully than before, and know when to humbly ask for help from others.” (p6)

Part 1 explores the foundational biblical principles, teen development and current cultural challenges. Practical ways churches can support teens and caregivers are suggested, as well as when to seek professional help, including advice for families who refuse outside help. I appreciated the suggestion that the role of the church is to develop relationships with teens’ families, and then act as refuge (safe place), lighthouse (navigational aid to help and other resources) and first responder. There is also encouragement for parents to be the parents, lovingly and kindly: 

Parents are “to model God to our children who is bigger, stronger, and wiser than they are and is undeservedly kind to them” (p71)

Part 2 explores specific mental health challenges in each chapter, including:

• anxiety and stress 
• depression 
• body image issues and eating disorders 
• substance abuse issues 
• trauma 
• schizophrenia or bipolar disorder 
• suicidal ideation 
• excessive screen use issues 

Each chapter follows the same format:

• A definition, with facts and statistics. 
• How the gospel speaks into that situation or mental health challenge 
• Providing compassionate care, often including some practical tools and approaches (essentially a Christian counsellor mini-tool-kit). This includes an ongoing reminder that these things can only be attempted after you have developed a relationship with the teen, and fully understand their story. 
• The benefits of good habits - encouragement to help the teen form helpful habits regarding sleep, exercise, diet, screen management, etc. 
• When to seek additional help 

The chapters on anxiety and depression are longer and provide more tools. Wisely, the chapters on more complex presentations are shorter, recognising that specialised help is often needed. When read as a whole, the chapters are quite repetitive, with similar content and the same exercises. However, if used as a resource for that one presentation, each chapter provides a more complete picture.

If I had a concern, it is that the tools and details included could give some overconfidence in using them when they do not have the skills. It’s one thing to guide someone in a breathing exercise, but it takes a fair amount of wisdom and self-awareness to help someone process their experience of trauma and challenge their distorted beliefs as a result of it. I would be cautious suggesting parents, pastors or youth leaders attempt this unless they have relevant training in that area.

Further complicating this is whether parents should be applying these tools with their own children at all. It is important to let parents be parents, and not muddy the role by also trying counsel their children. I suspect this isn’t what the authors are proposing, and the tools are more aimed at pastors who can handle such circumstances. I certainly came away with some tools and practices I could utilise in counselling.

This is comprehensive and compassionate resource that many who work with youth will benefit from. It encourages churches and leaders to care for their youth well and wisely, and gives all who work (or live) with teenagers extra information and encouragement to support them well. 

“Families need the love and support of their local churches for the long haul as they walk through difficult experiences of mental health struggle” (p215)

“The ultimate message of hope we can offer to teens and their parents - take heart, for Jesus has overcome the world, including the brokenness of our own hearts and minds.” (p216)

I received an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Parenting Ahead

Parenting Ahead: Preparing Now for the Teen Years, Kristen Hatton (New Growth Press, 2023) 

This is a really helpful resource for parents whose children are in the teen years, or will be in the future.

Hatton writes a grace filled message that encourages and challenges parents to consider what their goals of parenting are, and how they are shaped by the gospel. 

Part 1 starts with the reason for “long-range redemptive, hope-filled parenting.” She encourages perseverance and hope (in God’s faithfulness and in our security and transformation in Christ) as our main guides for the journey: 

“What an amazing opportunity you have now to help build that foundation for your younger children with biblical principles, boundaries, convictions, and honest conversations that will help them when they face the challenges of adolescence.”

Part 2 focuses on some of the pitfalls that hinder along the way.

• Parenting styles - both overparenting and underparenting and the consequences of each. 
• Idols & the way they impact us as parents, such as a desire for control, comfort, success and the fear of man. 
• The influence of the world. Here she includes a helpful table that works through the numerous main messages our world today, and then considers them in light of the gospel and how to adapt them to fit God’s truth. 
• Stop hurrying the hurt - that is, allow things to be hard and for your kids to experience natural suffering and pain. Not only does this reflect the reality of the world, it will grow and mould them. 

Finally, Part 3 considers what living redemptively might look like. This will include confessing sin, being open about our idols and our struggles, and offering mercy and forgiveness to each other - for parents and children alike. She proposes ways to continue to move towards our children: with connection, active listening, no nagging, no shaming, identifying, and normalising taboo topics. She challenges families to consider where their time, effort and money goes, and encouraged slowing down, saying no, and setting boundaries.

“Now we would likely all agree that apart from a relationship with Christ, family is our number one treasure. But I wonder if an honest assessment of our time and finances would show this to be functionally true.”

Hatten finishes with the encouragement and exhortation to grow in grace, manage our own guilt about our parenting, and cultivate compassion for our children and ourselves.

“I hope growing in grace leads to you being an agent of grace in the lives of your kids.”

Each chapter finishes with questions to assist you to apply the content to your own situation. Appendices provide a list of suggested other resources, and a Redemptive Parenting Assessment as a way of considering your own parenting perspective and priorities and things you might want to change.

Hatten is honest about her own failings, mistakes and regrets, but also shares wise choices and decisions that they made. Overall, she strikes a really helpful balance - acknowledging God is in control, we are sinful and will make mistakes, that no parent is perfect, and that there is no foolproof parenting formula. Yet, at the same time, there are things we can do as parents to be proactive, gospel focussed, and intentional. Worth a read for anyone in or entering the stage of parenting teenagers.


I received an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Building Bridges

Building Bridges: Biblical Counseling activities for Children and Teens, Julie Lowe 

A few months ago, I reviewed Caring for the Souls of Children, and concluded it was an excellent tool for biblical counsellors, parents and mentors as they reach out to children pastorally and biblically.

This new book by Julie Lowe (author of Child Proof) is an excellent companion volume to that book, focussing on assisting those who want to provide more specific counsel to children and teenagers:

“This book aspires to help counselors, families, and other caring adults to build bridges—life-giving, gospel-infused connections—with young people in our sphere of influence.”

Young people need people who will love them, listen to them and then offer a wise path forward:

“Young people … need wise adults who are willing to enter their world and experiences. They need us to sit with them and feel what life is like in their shoes, and they need a vision for something beyond such experiences. They need hope that there is more to their lives than their current circumstances, and they need us to find winsome ways to point them to the Lord.”

Lowe addresses different stages of development and how we need to be aware of them as we talk to young people. She makes some helpful observations on character and temperament, with temperament being more innate characteristics, and character being more learned moral behaviour.

“In seeking to understand and help a young person, it is prudent to ask when issues are developmental and when they are moral (sin) issues. Is a challenging behavior a result of willfulness and sinful desires, or just immaturity? Initially it is not always obvious. But with wisdom, time, and a willingness to engage with a child’s struggles, clarity will often develop.”

Chapters also address the importance of involving parents, and a biblical rationale for using expressive activities with children:

“Expressive activities are demonstrative, winsome ways to draw out what is going on in the heart and mind of an individual. Each activity is both expressive (meaningful and communicative) and projective (symbolic of their inner world) and seeks to find ways to understand individuals and help them grow. The activities are used to help uncover a person’s thoughts and feelings in a nonthreatening, indirect fashion.”

“I like to think of expressive therapy as “creational counseling”—using things in nature to remind us of biblical truths and point us to the Lord. It would seem both winsome and wise to use his creation to woo those we counsel to what is true, right, and good.”

Lowe then turns to practical principles and application, the skills needed to draw out children, and ways to engage well, such as giving instruction one at a time, being simple and clear, asking open questions and letting children explain what they have done in an activity. All reasonably basic reminders of things many will know but sometimes forget to practice.

The second half of the book gives many examples and activities of ways to interact with children. Starting with methods for drawing them out, she covers strategic use of storytelling and books, talking about superheroes and villains, role playing, sand trays, art and other activities.

Then follows numerous activities to understand children, their families, their heart, relationships, and challenges. All are very helpful and will be a springboard for many to assist with their own resources. Those in professional counselling will already use or be aware of versions of these, and will find them easily adaptable to their own purposes.

Then there are numerous expressive activities that speak into children’s hearts and challenges, bringing God’s word to bear in ways that are understandable, relatable and applicable. Those familiar with the idea of fruit & thorns from How People Change or any of the CCEF courses will recognise elements. 

She concludes by encouraging readers to unleash their own creativity, adapting these resources for their own use and in their own ways. Those who buy the book, will also find they have access to pdf downloads of all activities for their own use.

A comment I found helpful throughout was the reminder that those who have skills working with young people are not necessarily inherently gifted to do so, but rather it comes through hard work, persistence and a desire to care:

“Working with young people may appear to be an innately God-given gift, but it is really a fostered expertise and aptitude that grows when we commit ourselves to knowing and loving this community well. Let’s lean into the truth, wisdom, and encouragement of God’s Word as our foundation as we seek to best steward the ministry he has given us. It is a privilege to serve on the front lines of ministry as a counselor, and to seek to winsomely connect a struggling young person to the heartbeat of Christ.”

As I said with Caring for the Souls of Children, you shouldn’t read this and then expect to be fully equipped to counsel children. Rather, this would be one of many resources you would want to have before you proceed. But the wisdom and insight contained within will encourage those who counsel children (both ‘officially’ and ‘unofficially’) to consider creative ways of doing so as they reach out to young people with hope.


I was given an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Note: I use the Australian spelling for counsellor myself, but when quoting the book, use the American spelling counselor

The New Adolescence

The New Adolescence, Christine Carter

I have greatly benefited from this wise and sensible book by Christine Carter. She notes:

"In a single generation, how we all communicate, create, work, and think has fundamentally changed. But the technological revolution we are living through hasn’t really reshaped the current generation of teenagers as much as it has shaped them to begin with."

The rate of that change has overtaken parents, and so we haven’t been able to keep up with the change of technology and society, meaning “that our world is being re-shaped faster – way faster – than we have yet been able to reshape our parenting. It’s no surprise that the kids are feeling unmoored.”

So, her goal is to provide “a handbook for handbook for helping our kids thrive in an age of accelerated change”, allowing us to adapt as parents to the two major transformations in our families: the developmental transformation of adolescence and the technological transformation of the age we are living in. In using the term adolescents, she includes pre-teens, teens and young adults, and so can cover the age range of 10-25.

Part 1 looks at how to influence your teen without micromanaging them. The best chapter heading is here: This is going to be easier than you think. Thank you Christine! Right away, parents are encouraged rather than depressed or overwhelmed. At a macro level, she says that kids need to be seen, safe and soothed.

She points out that over parenting does not work. You will get fired as their manager, what you want is to be rehired as their coach. Our goal is to allow them to make decisions, and give them the skills to do so.

“The key difference between managing and coaching is that parent-managers rescue their teams from pain, where is parent-coaches see the kids as capable of making choices and solving their own problems. As coaches we can ask questions that help our teen see the possibilities of positive action. Instead of making their decisions for them, we can help them make better decisions for themselves.”

She examines what we can do when they are struggling, and considers ways to help them manage disappointment and stress, which include acceptance of a situation. There is advice about encouraging a positive outlook, through love, gratitude, and thinking positively about the future. I see real echoes here with much of a balanced faith life, we choose to be thankful, we know the grace and love of God and how that helps us in all situations, and we move to others in love looking to help and serve and pulling us a bit outside of ourselves.

She then considers how to influence your teen without being bossy. She encourages finding ways to speak to them while conveying respect and acknowledging they are in control of many things. She notes that our motivations here are actually unified:

“Our adolescents want to feel like competent, well-respected, autonomous adults, and in the end we want our children to be competent, autonomous adults who make choices we respect and admire.”

Part 2 consider three core skills for the digital age: connection, focus and rest.

Connection is about ensuring our kids have real connections, with family, with friends and find meaning for their lives. She notes that the more digitally online they are, the less connected with real people they are.

With focus, there are very helpful comments on how to recognise teen distraction, attempts at multitasking, and how ineffective much of their time is, and then proposes some ways forward for greater productivity and awareness of the challenges to staying on task.

Rest addresses the need for kids to really have downtime and proper sleep. "The best thing that we can teach them to do if they are feeling overwhelmed and time starved is to stop. Remind them what they need more than time is downtime without stimulation." We can teach then not to fear silence or contemplation.

These three chapters were the prompt I needed for discussions with our teens about these areas: they do self manage much of this, while still acknowledging we have input to offer.

Part 3 considers what the sex, alcohol and drugs, and money talks look like in this new era.

The sex talk chapter was excellent, and very direct. She considers the impact of pornography, sexting, gender issues and harassment and assault. Parents need to be ready, willing and proactive to talk about all of these things. I loved her comments regarding consent, for while it is essential, is actually a very low bar, and we should be encouraging people to desire enjoying and mutually satisfying sexual experiences, whenever they enter into such relationships. One piece of advice that was great - encourage young people to talk about what they would like, enjoy, don’t like with a partner - for if you can’t talk about it openly and honestly, you certainly shouldn’t be doing it. Some Christian parents will hesitate with some of her information, but the reality is that many kids are facing these challenges, and even if your own kids aren’t at the moment, their friends are.

The information about alcohol, marijuana, vaping, and other drugs was sensible and balanced and she promotes a policy of no use at all with her teenagers, while giving them the information they need to make choices.

The money chapter included teaching your children how to budget money, to understand credit and debit, and how to many their own finances. There is wisdom in talking about how you value money in your household, and considering what messages they hear from you about money. In a world of rampant materialism, we can point out that money won’t buy you happiness, but it will certainly help with many things that you need. I agree with her comment that regular chores should not be linked to pocket money, because children need to learn to contribute to a household, rather than doing chores to be paid.

Her conclusion is that that connection is what really matters. Not academics, not success, not happiness, but connection. If you have children in or near their teen years, you will greatly benefit from the wisdom here. If you want a taste of her writing, you could check our her blog too.

Teen Sex by the Book

Teen Sex by the Book, Dr Patricia Weerakoon

Over the years, I have reviewed numerous books that help teach children about puberty and sex. Now we have finally got to the appropriate age range and it’s time to review Teen Sex by the Book.

Where is your teen getting their information from about sex? Hopefully much of it has come from you as the parent already, but be assured they are learning much elsewhere as well. My son came home after a sex-ed class and told me about all the STDs and pregnancy risks with sex. When I asked, “did they tell you the 100% effective way not to get an STD or pregnant”, he insisted, “No, there is no way that is 100% effective”. After challenging that statement, he realised that at no point did the school’s education presentation include not having sex. They are being taught inferred values in many places other than the home.

Do you remember the variety of ways we gathered information at this age? Maybe our parents talked to us in detail, perhaps our school tried to teach something, but more often we shared stories & information with friends, we read magazines, we experimented with ourselves and with others, and we heard dirty jokes and tried to understand them – we all have a sexual education from somewhere. In hindsight, I would have preferred a book like this to learn from than having to try to figure it out myself.

As with all of Weerakoon’s resources, she is honest, frank and detailed in her explanations. She doesn’t shy away from answering the questions people are asking (or will ask) and does so in a clear, straightforward way. At the same time, she encourages teens to develop a framework from which to consider their choices. She is unashamedly Christian and points teens to the value of a life lived for Christ and how to make sexual choices that honour God. At the same time, she clearly acknowledges sin, errors, and regrets, and gives a picture of grace for teens that their mistakes can be forgiven by Christ.

It comes with a rating “Recommended for 15 and over” and I agree with that. 15 seems about the right age to get into this level of detail, unless you feel your children already have a high level of sexual information and possibly interaction. Some parents will read it and think, “It’s too detailed, they don’t need to know that yet”. Well maybe, but being proactive about the framework that they learn about the details of sex in is important.

The book is divided into two parts. Part One deals what sex is and how to think about it in the teen years. Part Two deals with the hot-topics of today, and the questions that teens are asking.

Part One covers topics like: what sex actually is, what range of activities are counted as sexual acts, how God views sex (positively but with a purpose in a marriage relationship). She asks teens to consider how they are managing the changes of puberty, and how they are managing their sexual desires. She addresses love and lust, and how they look different and has some great advice for how to know if you are ready to start dating, including how to consider the physical part of a dating relationship. She has a strong message that sex is a good gift of God, that it is possible to live in a way that honours him, you aren’t alone if you try, and that forgiveness is always possible. She also challenges Christians to consider how they think about those who fall sexually: are they compassionate or judgmental and unkind?

Part Two has chapters on technology, pornography and gender & identity. These are the hot topics for teens today and the areas most parents feel most ill-equipped to deal with. She even points that out to teens: parents are worried, that’s why they freak out at times, so they can understand why their parents might do what they do.

This book also contains the same tension most parents feel. I suspect the message most Christian parents want to send is: honour and respect sex, save it for marriage; but if you don’t wait, do it safely. I felt that tension here too: the overarching message is that sex is a good gift, you can make wise choices and you can wait with self-control until you might get married. Yet, at the same time there are very detailed explanations of what happens during sex and how it works. In some ways, I was surprised there wasn’t more information about contraception options.

In summary, this is highly recommended reading for older teens, especially those keen to explore sex from God’s perspective. There is no doubt it is much more explicit, specific and detailed than almost any conversation that is likely to occur with a parent, within youth group, or in a mentoring relationship. As such, it provides an invaluable resource for teens searching for answers and a way to live in this highly-sexualised world. If you are a parent or youth group leader, make sure you also read it, so you can use it as a springboard for conversation.

Parenting ... at other blogs

I have been unable to blog much lately - there is too much going on in my 'real' life!

However, I have been reading a few other blogs, which I have found helpful. If any of you are parenting teenagers, or approaching those years, you may be interested in looking at the recent series by Carolyn Mahaney on girltalk - mothering teens. There are nuggets of wisdom there which are relevant for parenting at all stages.

Following on from that, she also included some more thoughts on mothering rebellious teens. One especially helpful post was A Mother's Conversation which give 7 reminders of how to have those challenging conversations with your children and do so in a godly way.

More things to think about...!

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