Teen Sex by the Book

Teen Sex by the Book, Dr Patricia Weerakoon

Over the years, I have reviewed numerous books that help teach children about puberty and sex. Now we have finally got to the appropriate age range and it’s time to review Teen Sex by the Book.

Where is your teen getting their information from about sex? Hopefully much of it has come from you as the parent already, but be assured they are learning much elsewhere as well. My son came home after a sex-ed class and told me about all the STDs and pregnancy risks with sex. When I asked, “did they tell you the 100% effective way not to get an STD or pregnant”, he insisted, “No, there is no way that is 100% effective”. After challenging that statement, he realised that at no point did the school’s education presentation include not having sex. They are being taught inferred values in many places other than the home.

Do you remember the variety of ways we gathered information at this age? Maybe our parents talked to us in detail, perhaps our school tried to teach something, but more often we shared stories & information with friends, we read magazines, we experimented with ourselves and with others, and we heard dirty jokes and tried to understand them – we all have a sexual education from somewhere. In hindsight, I would have preferred a book like this to learn from than having to try to figure it out myself.

As with all of Weerakoon’s resources, she is honest, frank and detailed in her explanations. She doesn’t shy away from answering the questions people are asking (or will ask) and does so in a clear, straightforward way. At the same time, she encourages teens to develop a framework from which to consider their choices. She is unashamedly Christian and points teens to the value of a life lived for Christ and how to make sexual choices that honour God. At the same time, she clearly acknowledges sin, errors, and regrets, and gives a picture of grace for teens that their mistakes can be forgiven by Christ.

It comes with a rating “Recommended for 15 and over” and I agree with that. 15 seems about the right age to get into this level of detail, unless you feel your children already have a high level of sexual information and possibly interaction. Some parents will read it and think, “It’s too detailed, they don’t need to know that yet”. Well maybe, but being proactive about the framework that they learn about the details of sex in is important.

The book is divided into two parts. Part One deals what sex is and how to think about it in the teen years. Part Two deals with the hot-topics of today, and the questions that teens are asking.

Part One covers topics like: what sex actually is, what range of activities are counted as sexual acts, how God views sex (positively but with a purpose in a marriage relationship). She asks teens to consider how they are managing the changes of puberty, and how they are managing their sexual desires. She addresses love and lust, and how they look different and has some great advice for how to know if you are ready to start dating, including how to consider the physical part of a dating relationship. She has a strong message that sex is a good gift of God, that it is possible to live in a way that honours him, you aren’t alone if you try, and that forgiveness is always possible. She also challenges Christians to consider how they think about those who fall sexually: are they compassionate or judgmental and unkind?

Part Two has chapters on technology, pornography and gender & identity. These are the hot topics for teens today and the areas most parents feel most ill-equipped to deal with. She even points that out to teens: parents are worried, that’s why they freak out at times, so they can understand why their parents might do what they do.

This book also contains the same tension most parents feel. I suspect the message most Christian parents want to send is: honour and respect sex, save it for marriage; but if you don’t wait, do it safely. I felt that tension here too: the overarching message is that sex is a good gift, you can make wise choices and you can wait with self-control until you might get married. Yet, at the same time there are very detailed explanations of what happens during sex and how it works. In some ways, I was surprised there wasn’t more information about contraception options.

In summary, this is highly recommended reading for older teens, especially those keen to explore sex from God’s perspective. There is no doubt it is much more explicit, specific and detailed than almost any conversation that is likely to occur with a parent, within youth group, or in a mentoring relationship. As such, it provides an invaluable resource for teens searching for answers and a way to live in this highly-sexualised world. If you are a parent or youth group leader, make sure you also read it, so you can use it as a springboard for conversation.