Tying
the Knot, Rob Green
As we continue our involvement in marriage
ministry, we’re always on the lookout for good resources. This new
book by Rob Green published by New Growth Press is a great option for
marriage preparation. Green has
designed a ‘pre-marital course’ for Christian couples who want to prepare well
for marriage and to ensure that Jesus is at the centre of that marriage. He has produced a clear, Christ-focussed resource
that a couple can work through alongside a mentor. It could be done without a mentor, but the
benefit to the couple would be so much greater with a wiser, experienced person
or couple alongside them (like a marrying minister).
I think this one has risen to the near top
of my favourite marriage preparation materials. It does what many don’t – combines a clear
gospel truth of living with grace having Jesus as your focus and then thinks
about how to apply that to various aspects of marriage.
In the introduction Green says he wants to
avoid two misconceptions people have entering marriage, both of which are
extremes:
- Marriage is hard and difficult with a miserable transition period
- Marriage is wonderful without any effort
We have encountered both viewpoints in
couples and I am pleased he addresses it clearly from the beginning with the
counter that marriage is given to enjoy, but it also takes commitment.
Then he states his goal – that you can have
a marriage that brings pleasure to Christ and to you. Before the first session, he wants couples
to prepare four things:
- Ensuring they have parental support for their marriage (or the support of wise older people)
- Set physical standards of conduct with each other
- Testimonies of each person’s conversion to Christ
- Two paragraphs on why they want to marry this person.
Each of these are the starting points of
conversation with each other and with their mentor.
Then follows eight sessions. The core is that Jesus must
be at the centre of your life, this chapter reiterates the gospel message and
how that impacts your marriage, as it is to reflect Christ and the church. From these seven different areas are
addressed, all with the idea of Jesus being at the centre of each: love, problem solving, roles &
expectations, communication, finances, community and intimacy. It’s comprehensive and easily readable, the
chapters neither felt too long nor too brief.
I was impressed with how he repeatedly uses
scripture to bring you back to how to love one another as you love Jesus. Most chapters deal with the myths and
misconceptions you will come to in marriage, and then look more realistically
at what each topic looks like once you decide to let Jesus speak into
them. The chapter on love and the
analysis of 1 Cor 13 added a depth that was helpful and challenging. The comments on finances challenge couples to
see their roles as stewards not owners, and pushed to guard against jealousy
and towards sacrificial generosity. The
chapter on community is a welcome and much needed reminder to couples that they
need to commit to a church community to be matured, to serve and to let others
care for them.
If you happen to be someone who prepares
couples for marriage, you may be interested in this resource. For those who are already experienced in
marriage preparation it could be something that assists you in the way you
prepare couples for marriage. For those
with less experience, or who are a bit more hesitant, you could use this
material with confidence and it could become the main resource for your
marriage preparation. There is an
appendix for mentors at the end, where each chapter has a little more
explanation about how to use the material well.
This is good material. We have a couple we are preparing for
marriage, where we cannot meet with them in person until much after the
wedding. This book seems to be a timely
provision for them as they can prepare for their marriage with each other, and
still have access to us if needed for assistance. It’s not the same as meeting together, but
it’s a pretty good second option.
