Growing Up By the Book

Growing Up By The Book, Patricia Weerakoon

I have previously reviewed Patricia Weerakoon’s The Best Sex for Life, and alluded to her book for teenagers in a series on teaching children about the facts of life.  In that series I talked about 2 books we have read with our kids in the pre-teen stage (What’s the Big Deal? and Facing the Facts).

Now Weerakoon has released a book on puberty available for pre-teen children, Growing Up By the Book, and it is an excellent addition to other resources in this area. I read it in almost one sitting, and found it to be very good, very detailed and very strong on God’s word.

It is divided into 2 parts, the first of which has 4 chapters covering:

• God’s word on sex
• Your body different and special – this provides detailed information on external physical changes that occur in puberty
• Your brain – how it changes and forms over this time
• Knowing who and whose you are – here she looks at what the world will tell you vs what God says.

These are all really helpful.

Part 2 is an A-Z of issues and questions. It’s quite detailed on everything kids this age might ask, and some things they might not have heard about yet. She provides clear, honest, age-appropriate information. I think many parents shy away from being too honest and open in this area, but we all know that kids will ask Google to answer their questions if we don’t, so we need to be pro-active!

The book’s structure is aimed entirely at getting parents and kids talking about these topics. So in every section there is an “Ask Mum or Dad” box, to which they are supposed to come and ask you questions and get your opinion, or talk about your memories, experiences, etc. As such, parents have to read it before they give it to their kids, so they can readily, openly and willingly talk about anything that comes up. She also has clear “Think Spot” sections as well as “Alert” sections to raise issues of potential concern.

While aimed at age 10-14, when you would choose to give it to your children could depend entirely on where they are on the ‘puberty spectrum’. She covers 5 stages of physical signs for both boys and girls, all of which you would want them to be aware of before any changes start, or at least as they are starting. So while all kids 12 and over are probably ready for it, and perhaps should have this information now; some 10 years olds are clearly a little way off any changes starting, while other 10 year olds are getting well under way.

This is a great resource, and while it’s a lot more open and frank than anything my generation was ever given to read on this topic, it meets the needs of today’s youth clearly and helps them to think about how to live as God’s children in the light, while living in the reality of the 21st century world.

Lila

Lila, Marilynne Robinson

I was avidly awaiting this book, the third in a series.  Gilead is one of my favourite books and I very much enjoyed reading it again, as well as Home, in preparation for Lila.  On the second detailed read of Gilead I found much more humour in it than that first time, indeed I had not realised how funny it was; and I also enjoyed & understood Home so much more on the second read.

Lila is the Reverend John Ames’s wife.  In Gilead and Home her past is only alluded to, although it is clear it is a very different background than that of Ames.  He only ever speaks of her with adoration and respect, which tells of his deep Christian character and conviction yet also clear love for this woman who had graced his later years.

There are at least three timeframes covered in Lila: firstly, her childhood of poverty & young adulthood.  Despite all she lacked in money and education, there was a woman, Doll, who loved her and cared for her.  They travelled around the country with others looking for work and she was part of a community.  The second part details how she arrived in Gliead, met John Ames and how they came to be together.  Here the pieces of the other books start to come together as you see some details from her perspective rather than his.  The third part is a little later in their marriage when she realises she is carrying their son.  So the whole book is timed prior to that of Gilead.  As such, since you know how the story there will progress, the real interest is in Lila herself and how she slowly comes to adopt the faith and figure out how to reconcile her past with her present. Her real struggle is that if she comes to faith and believes in salvation through Christ, what happens to those loved people of her childhood who never believed?

In raising this issue, Robinson deals with something many of us with faith struggle with: how we believe and trust knowing at times that means others are condemned.

Yet again, Robinson’s writing shines through beautifully, and she deals with topics that make you keep thinking about them long after you finish the final page.

I truly hope she writes another book in this series.  I would love to hear from Della's perspective, Jack Boughton's wife.  

De-skilling or up-skilling

I have been made aware in the last few years how easy it is for married people to deskill, especially women.  If you have a husband who very competently manages finances, travel, online issues, phones and computers, servicing the car, and other details, you come to realise that you could easily lose the skills and confidence to do them yourself.

It is something I have watched newly widowed or divorced women realise - skills they once had, or confidence to try new things, has diminished over time.

I have also realised there is a risk that I could be the same.  Husband takes care of many things, something I greatly appreciate.  One reason I really enjoyed going to Dubai was the chance it was to prove to myself that I can manage on my own - international travel, bookings, metro systems, all the things you do while travelling.  I have also taken over much of the maintenance management in our home, so I am the one learning about how to replace locks, change tap washers, and restore and revarnish wood.

I suspect all of us should make sure we put ourselves a little outside our comfort zone, learning new skills and maintaining old ones.

It's not a particularly profound thought and probably a rather obvious one, but something to keep in mind as the years go on.

Hello Dubai

Hello Dubai, Joe Bennett

It was a treat to discover this book at the library for the usual 50c a few months ago.  Knowing that I was on my way there, I snapped it up and starting reading it on the flight over.  I have enjoyed Bill Bryson’s travel writing over the years, but have not read many other travel authors.

Bennett has a similar style to Bryson, that is, he can present history, facts & situations well, with insightful analysis as well as humour.  It's not a book I would have bothered reading if I was not going there, but since I was it was very interesting and instructive.  What I realised upon arriving in Dubai was that I have absolutely no knowledge or experience of that part of the world.  To I be honest I had to look up exactly where it was on a map to show my kids because I was not sure.

As such, I have no understanding of the region or much of Arab history, and no knowledge of the Emirates or Emirati culture, let alone all the people who live here from so many countries of the world. Bennett claims that only 5% of the population are citizens, the rest are guests.  Over 60% are from the Indian subcontinent, the rest from everywhere else, my estimate would be another 30% would be from Asia.  As such, there are almost no old people in Dubai. You go there to work and then you go home.

I am unable to test anything Bennett said or claimed, but from my incredibly limited time there and conversations with people living there, much of it rang true.

So I am glad to have read it and learnt just a little bit more about the United Arab Emirates, especially Dubai.  I left the book in the hands of friends there, I imagine they will now have much more use for it than I do!

Hatchet

Hatchet, Gary Paulsen

This great series of 5 books by Gary Paulsen are about survival in the wilderness and would suit kids aged 10-15. They are quite short, so a keen reader will devour each in an hour or two. However because of that, they would also be excellent for reluctant readers, or to read aloud.

In Hatchet, Brian Robeson, age 13, is in a small aircraft on his way to visit his dad in the Canadian wilderness. A fatal heart attack strikes the pilot and Brian is forced to crash land. As he escapes the wreckage of the plane with only a hatchet attached to his belt, he learns first hand what he needs to survive on his own.

There are then 4 more: Hatchet: The Return (also called The River) – when he returns to try show a psychologist how he did it, but tragedy strikes making it again a matter of life or death. Brian’s Winter is what surviving the first winter would have been like.

By the time you get to Brian’s Return and Brian’s Hunt it is clear that the woods of Canada have changed him forever, and he needs to live in the wild. As you read these books, including the author explanations, it seems clear the Paulsen knows what he is talking about. Many of the situations Brian encounters are based on real events either the author or others have experienced.

For many city kids out there, of which my Mr 12 is included, these are great stories which present a very different reality from the one they live and operate in. It is clear from the writing that Paulsen loves the wild, and it is part of who he is. He doesn’t talk about taming it or conquering it, rather how it conquers you. We both really enjoyed these books.

A useful little application

I wonder if you, like me, don’t realise quite how much time you spend online, frittering away time?

Do you sometimes feel you need some help to manage the time spent, but aren’t sure how to go about it? I did and I have recently found a web application that has helped greatly.

There are now time management applications that can be set to monitor what you look at and how often you look at them. You can set time limits for various websites, you can block any number of sites or groups of sites, and/or limit the times of day you can view certain sites.

I have used one to limit my Facebook time to 10 mins during 9-5 and 10 mins in the evening. When I have two minutes left, it starts a countdown to when I will be blocked and shows it very clearly. I can imagine it would very useful for those who like to watch lots of online video clips, or get lost in some blogs/news sites for longer than they would like to.

I am using WasteNoTime which works for Safari and Chrome, but the other one I know for Mozilla is called LeechBlock (which Tim Challies also uses & how I heard about such things).

Of course you can get around it, as you set it all up and can change it anytime. But as a reminder and guide to limit the amount of time you want to have online, it’s very worthwhile.

John Wyndham

In high school my absolute favourite English text was The Day of the Triffids. Every couple of years I read it again and discover even more depths to it.

A new breed of plant, the triffid, which can walk, communicate, kill with a flying whip-like sting and feeds off rotting meat has been slowly colonising the world. When one night almost all humankind is struck blind by a dramatic comet fireworks display, Wyndham explores what would happen to mankind if a natural predator was on hand who now had the advantage.

It’s the story of Bill and Josella who through luck & circumstance remain sighted, and so both literally and figuratively see the decay of England around them. Who would you care for? Do you take responsibility for others in need or fend for yourself? Do you band together with others to survive or go it alone?

I have always found it a fascinating analysis of what man might do in such a situation and Wyndham’s assessment is quite possibly a frighteningly accurate one.

In all these years it never occurred to me to see if Wyndham had written other books. And, wonderfully – he did, quite a few in fact!*  There is no doubt he liked apocalyptic themes, and the question of how mankind would react to them.

In The Kraken Wakes, the threat to life on earth is something in the water; something that colonises deep water from outer space and moves calculatingly to threaten all life on earth. I won’t give all the details away, but similarly to The Day of the Triffids, Wyndham presents an alarming scenario of what might happen through the eyes of Mike & Phyllis Watson, a couple who see the events unfold from start to finish.

In The Day of the Triffids, you can sort of predict what’s going to happen and the interest lies in the telling of it and how it unfolds. By contrast in The Kraken Wakes, you have no idea what is happening, the reader discovers it alongside the characters when events take place, with explanation following later. As such the tension was markedly higher.

These are great books that make you think. Wyndham’s writing is very enjoyable to read: it’s highly intelligent and educated, with references you sometimes need to look up to understand. His prose is insightful, thought-provoking and very interesting. What a gift some writers have!

I started The Day of the Triffids with Mr almost 12, and he struggled a bit. Adult novels like this do not always have predictable happy outcomes and raise many moral challenges along the way. Interestingly what he struggled with was the tension of me reading it aloud – it took too long to find out the solutions to the problems raised. He went on and finished it himself. It seems he is on the cusp of being able to read adult fiction, yet with the caveat that he will not understand the full meaning. It made me realise that I could not possibly have understood it fully at high school either, but it whetted an appetite for good quality writing and interesting themes, which I am still enjoying feeding, over 20 years later.

* I also read The Chrysalids which explores the idea of genetic variation, and how people might decide which 'form' of humankind was the true one, in the image of God and which would be the work of the devil.  It's told through the eyes of children who gradually realise they are not in the 'acceptable form' of their society, and is an interesting analysis of religious fervour gone awry and how people are generally threatened by those who are different to themselves.  Wyndham chose interesting topics to explore!

Easter

Easter is approaching - no doubt the large amount of chocolate in the shops has alerted you to it!

If you would like to think about some ways to celebrate Easter with your family, you could read my previous posts on Easter.

If you would like to use the "Preparing for Easter with your family"  readings the link can be found via the resources tab on this blog.  It starts on Monday.

Also, this year I have included a pdf of the titles, key verses and clipart pictures I use, in case you want to cut them up and put them in your eggs.   This photos shows the things I print out and use.

Have fun with your family preparing for Easter!

The Girl in Times Square

The Girl in Times Square, Paullina Simons

I love this book. I have probably read it 4 times over the last 10 years and every time I come back to it, I enjoy it again.  A good, extended, long, involved story is a special treat.

Lily Quinn is 24, an arts student, and almost broke living in New York. Life just seems to go on around Lily, big things happen to those around her, but not to her. She heads off to Hawaii to visit her parents, yet on her return finds out her flatmate and good friend Amy has gone missing.

Enter Detective Spencer O’Malley from the missing persons unit, in his mid 40s and battling his own demons. As O’Malley searches more into Amy’s life, what was really going on, and how Lily’s family were a part of it, it takes a long time to unravel what has happened.

At the same time, some big things finally start happening to Lily – one very good and one very bad.

This novel has enormous scope covering the vast complexity of extended family relations especially mothers and daughters, the life of immigrants to the USA after WWII, and the careful unravelling of what happened to Amy.  What I love though is the development of the friendship between Spencer and Lily.  A great, enjoyable, long book.

Mission Accomplished

Mission Accomplished, Scott James

It's been some time since I have reviewed any of the books sent to me by New Growth Press.  The only reason is not having time to read them - I hope to rectify that very soon!

This one however seemed worth putting time aside for now and indeed it was.   

This family devotional by Scott James is designed to be started on Palm Sunday (the Sunday before Easter) and continued through Easter for two weeks.

I love the format: one week is spent "Walking with Jesus to the Cross" and the second week looking at "The Risen King" and our response to him.

When I first began looking into Easter material many years ago, the only things available focussed heavily on the Passion Week, with details that I did not think needed dwelling on, especially for families of young children.  So as regular readers of this blog will know, I wrote my own material   (accessible via here) that our family has used for the last 6 years. 

James done a similar thing, with even more emphasis on the risen Jesus.  Each study (mainly from Luke's gospel), has a 1-2 page explanation, some questions to discuss, things to pray about, and then either a song to sing or an activity to do.  Each could easily be done in 10 minutes, but some of the things to talk about could take longer if there was time and everyone was interested! 

I think this will appeal to families with school-aged children.  James has pitched the explanations at a reasonable level of understanding, which could be simplified if needed for younger children, or used to stretch older children and teenagers.  

As our family has a tradition of doing our own material, we will stick with that, as well as the other things we do to celebrate Easter. 

However, I think Mr (almost) 12 would really benefit from this material.  I will give it to him to work through for his own devotional time though Easter and then talk about with him.  It will be good to stretch him a little further and I think this book will do that.  Because of this, the only thing I wish was different was that the answers to the questions were at at the back of the book (if you needed to look them up) rather than alongside the questions themselves.

New Growth Press are trying to get this to Australian distributors in time for Easter.  If it doesn't make it in time, perhaps look out for it over the next few months and save it for next year!

Pigs in Heaven

Pigs in Heaven, Barbara Kingsolver

I love my local library. They sell old fiction books for 50c, so whenever I see something I might want to read, I tend to pick it up.

After having loved a more recent Kingsolver novel, The Poisonwood Bible, I thought I’d try this one.

Taylor is adoptive mother to 6 year-old Turtle, a child who was handed to her by a desperate aunt in a carpark to care for 3 years before. When Turtle becomes famous after helping to save someone’s life, she is recognised by the Cherokee Nation as being one of their own. Annawake Fourkiller, a Cherokee lawyer, with her own sad family history of Indian child removal, intervenes to ensure Turtle knows about her history and her people and in so doing, threatens the strong and loving relationships that Turtle and Taylor share. As events unfold it seems that all sides just might be most closely connected that anyone realises. This is another book where it pays dividends keep of the track the characters by name and relationship so you can see events unfold.

It’s a wise author that can raise issues well for both sides of an argument, ensuring that both are heard, understood and matter. The story of native American Indians is not one I know well, though there are strong parallels with our own Indigenous population.

Just like in the Poisonwood Bible, the beauty of Kingsolver’s writing shines in this book. It is a delight to read. A review of her website revealed that this book actually follows on with the same characters of her previous book (The Bean Trees). I read that one after and while it was fine, I  definitely preferred Pigs in Heaven, both the subject matter and the writing.

Tuesdays with Morrie

Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Albom

This is a gentle, honest book about a man’s descent to death. Morrie is a sociology professor who taught Albom in the 1970s. Sixteen years later when he is diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease, Albom gets back in touch and they have one last ‘class’ together. A class about the lessons of life, what it important and what Morrie has learnt about living and dying. As he states “When you learn how to die, you learn how to live”.

I have never seen death close up, not really close up. I have seen it from afar and a bit more distantly, but I have not sat & watched it, week by week, day by day, all the while talking to that person about what really matters. Perhaps not many of us have, especially those of us who spouses and parents are still living.

What is clear is how things gain true importance and clarity when you come face to face with death. Does a career, or a house, or someone’s opinion of you matter? Morrie’s view is that what does matter is how you have lived – the way you treat people, whether you forgive, whether there is love in your life.

There is almost no spiritual element to this book, but it still has much to offer. For those of us who know there is more than this life, but sometimes forget to live that way, we can still be reminded from books like this of what really matters.

This would be a great book for a book club, it could open up discussion about things that really matter to each of us. 

Albom has also written some fiction – I am tempted to try them also. Have any of you read them?

Dangerous Calling

Dangerous Calling, Paul David Tripp

This is a very powerful book that everyone in ministry should read.

Tripp has spent years talking to and counselling pastors and he is convinced there is a malaise that has taken over ministers of the gospel: that pastors are in great danger of both losing their awe of God and of thinking they have ‘arrived’ and are no longer in need of change.

Tripp is clear from the beginning this is a diagnostic book encouraging pastors to look honestly at their lives and hearts, and to hold them up against the gospel for Christ for analysis. He calls on pastors, and those around them, to try read it with an open heart and mind, to deactivate their ‘inner lawyer’ and to be willing to address things in their lives that need change.

Boy does he use a scalpel to dig deep! Tripp starts with pastoral culture and the risks it brings:

• Letting ministry define your identity
• Letting biblical literacy and theological knowledge define your maturity
• Confusing success with God’s endorsement of your lifestyle
• The regular disconnection between public and personal life
• The fact that in the ministry of the body of Christ, often the minister does not allow himself to be ‘ministered to’
• That there is always a battle going on between the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of self (a key idea also in Tripp’s marriage book What did you expect?)

He has quite a challenge to those responsible for employing ministers that they must try to see their heart, what really matters to them, not their ‘on paper’ success. Rather, how they relate to their families, treat their wives and listen to rebuke. I imagine this would be a very hard thing to do well in an interview process.

Then he comes to the first of 2 key areas – the danger of losing your awe of God, in forgetting who God is. When this happens, various things can result:

• A familiarity with the word of God, to the extent they are no longer moved by it
• Living in fear of man, caring more about what others think than how to be godly
• A contentment with mediocrity. This was a very helpful, sad chapter about the way we accept mediocre sermon preparation. If you are still preparing a sermon on Saturday, there is no way you have worked out its truths in your life, so how can you properly apply it to the lives of your hearers?
• Losing your awe of God, results in you starting to think you are pretty good, and therefore leads to the second area – the danger of forgetting who you are.

The risks of thinking you have arrived are:

• Self-glory – promoting ourselves, not God
• Always preparing – personal time with God gets squeezed out and preparation time takes over. We no longer let the word of God shape us personally
• We risk separating our public life from our personal life – we don’t let people in, we find it hard to hear rebuke, etc

As you can probably imagine, it’s a pretty devastating critique. Yet I also think it’s very accurate. I saw his truths in myself, in our lives and have seen evidence of them in others.

For those who are willing to listen and learn, there would be great benefit. Not many people are willing to stand up to their pastor and challenge their godliness (and perhaps not everyone should); but every pastor should make sure they have people around them who are willing to do so. I would say the same for ministry-wives.

Tripp’s solution is that pastors much keep coming back to the gospel, dwelling on God’s majesty, their sinfulness and the grace of God in Christ. When we raise again the glory of God and decrease again our own important, we are willing to change. There were ideas throughout the book about a way forward, although really much of it was depressingly diagnostic. The final two chapters were a proposed way forward which were helpful. However to really get into this further and analyse one’s heart and motivations, I would switch over to Lane & Tripp’s book How People Change and do some serious work from that one!

Very worthwhile reading for all in ministry, and those who are responsible for them.

The Rosie Project

The Rosie Project, Graeme Simsion

This book is great fun. Graeme Simsion hooks you in from the first page and keeps you interested and entertained right to the end. 

The story is told by Don, a university genetics professor, who is asked to cover a lecture for a friend. With very clever writing, it becomes apparent to the reader that Don is uniquely qualified to speak on the topic: 

"The sequence was initiated by Gene insisting I give a lecture on Asperger’s syndrome that he had previously agreed to deliver himself. The timing was extremely annoying. The preparation could be time-shared with lunch consumption, but on the designated evening I had scheduled ninety-four minutes to clean my bathroom." 

Don’s goal in life is to find a wife, up to now however he has been unsuccessful:

"I am thirty-nine years old, tall, fit and intelligent, with a relatively high status and above average-income as an associate professor. Logically, I should be attractive to a wide range of women. In the animal kingdom, I would be successful in reproducing. However, there is something about me that women find unappealing. I have never found it easy to make friends, and it seems that the deficiencies that caused this problem have also affected my attempts at romantic relationships." 

So, he designs a questionnaire to weed out unsuitable women – smokers, vegetarians and the like.

At the same time Rosie enters Don’s life, interested in genetics and searching for her true father.

What ensues is the lovely interactions between Don who analyses everything rationally and logically, who has set meals for days of the week and a schedule that he must stick to; and Rosie who is rather more free-spirited, is bewildered by him yet also finds him interesting and appealing.

It is great fun. I laughed out loud at points, the humour is so dry. You watch both Don and Rosie learn to adapt and consider things from another point of view. Don’s analysis of his own behaviour and experiences are very clever and astute. Simsion has created some excellent commentary on people in general, social situations and how those who struggle with them learn to negotiate their way through. 

Highly recommended enjoyable reading. And there is a sequel too – The Rosie Effect – already on hold at the library…

Later note:
Definitely enjoyed The Rosie Effect. I won't write a whole review, but I suspect that anyone who liked The Rosie Project will also like this one. Similar ideas again, very well written and very funny along the way.

Man on a Wire

This new CD by one of my favourite Christian artists has been on constant replay in the car.  I have reviewed Nathan’s CD Home previously and he has also had some great hymn CDs since.   

The Taskers have faced major grief in the last few years with the death of his father-in-law and then their unborn twin son & daughter all within a few months.

This album has raw emotion and honesty about those times, yet is also infused with hope.

I always get a bit choked up listening to ‘Nowhere to be Found’ – that raw feeling that God has left you alone. Other songs clearly talk about their sadness or grief, yet that God is in control and knows what He’s doing, such as ‘Sowing Tears’ and ‘Trust You in the Darkness’. This has always been a theme of Nathan’s music – that God is in control, He knows His plans and we can trust Him. In fact ‘Whole World’ (a new version of ‘He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands’) very catchily does exactly that.

In a recent concert, Nathan talked about songs that travel from grief to joy in 3.5 minutes; and how it may only take a short time to sing but the process of writing them and feeling their truth may take 18 months or more. It was a reflection that has enabled him to understand the Psalms better and one I have appreciated.

This is a great album to remind you of the promises of God, whether or not you are in times of struggle and grief.  Love it.

Grandma's Attic

Grandma’s Attic, Arleta Richardson

The first four of this series of books was given to our daughter and they have been quite a treat.

Written by Arleta Richardson they tell the stories her grandmother Mabel told her of her own childhood growing up in rural Michigan in a strong Christian home with parents who taught her the faith and how to live it.

Each story (chapter) tend to have a teaching point – what can result if you lie or disobey or don’t think. So a moral truth can be drawn from it and talked about. At the same time they are just lovely stories about families and children, the silly things kids do and the mistakes we all make and learn from as we grow up. There are positive adults in them and fun friends.

My daughter still laughs about the story where Mabel wore a hoop skirt (without permission) to church for the first time and not knowing how to sit properly in it, ended up with it flicking up and her showing the minister her underwear!

I read them with Miss 7 and she loved them, and Miss 9 enjoyed listening in as well. They will probably mostly appeal to girls, but could well be enjoyed by boys. I have just discovered there are more books in the series, so we may well try get those as well!

Being involved at school

We are now in our final year of all children at the same school. It’s been a great seven years of concentrating on relationships in one place and  we now know many students, parents, teachers and staff.

There are many ways to be involved in a school, but as with all things, no-one can or should do everything.  Each year we reassess how we can be involved. I talked about it a couple of years ago, but haven’t for a while. 

It’s worth mentioning that we consider it a ‘joint involvement’ and make the decision as a couple. Sometimes Husband will be more involved with a school team or on council, which means I have less time to help; sometimes it’s the other way around. As every decision you make impacts the whole family, we make sure we consider these things together.

As we start another year, these are some of the things we try to do.

1. Get to know their teachers

This has been a priority each year. Our children’s teachers have all been excellent and I have always felt we were 'on the same page' when dealing with any issues that arose. We try to get to know them personally, ask about their families, weekends, etc, so that not every conversation we had was about our child.

I have come to realise that this is not what parents generally do. Each year, teachers have thanked us for being so supportive of them and the class. We just thought we were taking an interest, but apparently it stands out.

2. Figure out how to be involved in the school community

Over the years we have been involved in various ways: sports committees, Governing Council, sports team coaching, listening to reading, testing students at times tables, going on excursions and hosting get-to-know-you events for class parents. I have found that most years I commit to more than I can manage and end up feeling guilty about pulling out of something.

In the past I have listened to reading, but I no longer sign up to do this straight away.  Quite frankly, after years of listening to reading, I am a bit over it, last year I offered to test times-tables for one of the older classes, that was much more fun!

Our school has had a change of all senior leadership in the last 12 months and I did spend time last year trying to meet them, be supportive and make connections so that we have develop those relationships. I will need to do the same this year.

I always try to get to know the staff in the front office by name, and again being a friendly cheerful face with no agenda appears to be a refreshing change!

3. Get to know the children at school

In the years that I did go into the classroom, for reading or times-tables, the main benefit was meeting all the children and that they all know whose mum I was. I was able to understand some of the class dynamics a little more, and I could encourage certain friendships.

As the kids get older and I have done less of this, I don’t get to know the kids in class as well anymore. Although really, once you meet them in Reception (Kindergarten) or Year 1, you still know who they are for the next 7 years!

Sometimes, an excursion has helped fill in this knowledge gap a little.

4. Get to know the parents and families of the children in the class

This is easier in the first few years of school, but gets much harder later. We have almost finished meeting new parents in class now, with the kids in Years 7, 4 and 2. Not many parents are in classrooms regularly anymore, including us.

The main way we now get to know parents is by being involved with sporting teams. We know all the kids who play soccer and their families, and are now getting to know a lot of netball families. That has been great and we are very thankful for that opportunity.

5. Pray for the school

Obviously we pray for the school, students, teachers and families personally.

We have had a prayer group on and off over the last 7 years. The most exciting thing to come from that was our gingerbread event last year. We are hoping to do the same this year and keep building connections across the school.

We have loved being involved in a school community. It takes time and effort, but it is certainty worth it – both for our kids, for us and hopefully, for the people we meet and support along the way.

(If you want to read more about school involvement and our potential roles in a school community, I found the book Going Public very helpful a few years ago)

Thoughts on all kids at school

A friend recently asked if I thought about what I would do when our youngest child started school, rather than just let it happen and go on as normal.

It was a great question and one that got me thinking about it again, two years after the event. Sometimes other people find these thoughts helpful as they consider their own situation, so I’ll share some of it here also. This is long post though, sorry about that!

We did give thought to what would happen that year. Husband always said that when they all started school, I should have a ‘down year’ and think about the next stage. That is, not say yes to everything and do more just because either I though I could or should. Someone had suggested it to him years ago when we just had one little baby. He felt quite strongly about it and I came to realize:

1. He was right and

2. It was his way of recognising and acknowledging the work I had put it at home with little ones for the previous 10 years.

The comments on that post showed that there were a few who wished they had done the same or were interested in thinking about it more.

I realized looking back I never talked about it much on this blog again.

My goal for 2013 was to take on no new things. That was the goal (ha!). In reality I did commit to a few extra things without realising I had - an extra repeated talk series here, a seminar there, an extra catch up with someone new, and so on.

However, what really forced it was that same year, I started to get very tired: tired/fuzzy in my brain and tired physically in my body. A dear friend who has chronic fatigue looked at me critically, then spoke up saying she could see in me the same early signs she had ignored in herself. It was the clear voice I needed to hear. Husband and I spoke about it in detail right away and decided to pull me out of a whole lot of stuff. I alluded to it a little here.

Upon reflection, it was an interesting time. I was expecting to have this great clear year with all the kids at school and in the end I was quite tired and worn out. Husband’s theory (not medically backed in any way, but still with some sense in it) was that my body/brain had coped well for 10 years, but once it finally realised it could relax a little it kicked back and spoke up saying it needed to rest. Sort of like how you get through the sleepless baby nights and then once you start to sleep again, you get really, really tired!

It was also a good time for me spiritually. I have always been someone who could see their value in what they can do rather than who they are in Christ. It was a good chance to realise that whether I could ‘do ministry things’ or not, I was still a child of God and that I have value in his sight because of what Christ has done, not because of what I do. My prayer life grew too and I wrote out lots of prayers from which I am still benefiting from.

In the end, we viewed 2013 as a recovery year and then 2014 as a ‘down year’. I still committed to less last year, which was a good decision. In about October last year, I felt like I woke up. I felt like I had been at a lowered brain output for about 18 months and that both my body and brain were picking up again. It was quite an exciting feeling. I was excited about doing new things, able to run again, keen to do more marriage ministry, talks, etc.

2015 looks good at this stage, I have some things planned, but not too much and I am looking forward to  one more year of everyone at the same school before Mr 11 starts high school in 2016.

So, that’s what happened. As for my thoughts one to two years later?

1. Husband was right - I had been home with little ones for almost a decade and my body and brain needed a break. My body apparently decided to take it into it’s own hands to force it, perhaps knowing I wouldn’t have done it properly by choice!

2. The idea of a ’down year’ was a good one. Upon reflection I think 2 years is a good option too. The next stage for me is 7 years with all kids at school, and then another 5 till all are out of school. In the midst of it, it seems like forever, but I know how quickly the last 10 years went and we still, God-willing, have at least 30 years in us for ministry and parenting and so want to do it well, long-term and sustainably. Therefore 1-2 years at a slower pace every now and then seems wise when considering the long haul.

3. There is no extra time once all kids are at school. In some ways there is less. With a pre-schooler, the cleaning, shopping etc happen with them, not only because it has to, but because it is a good way to fill in the days. With school-aged children, all the shopping and cleaning happens mainly now in school hours, so that we are free to either chill out at home after school, or do extracurricular activities, which are now creeping to our lives more as the kids get older.

I bought the lie for a while that I would have more time and then couldn’t figure out where it had gone! Children at school does not make the day 26 hours long!!

I need to try keep 3-7:30pm clear for the kids every school night. So I can be taxi, cook, confidante, homework & piano practice enforcer, bible time encourager and read-aloud-er! It has taken a mindshift for me to not creep over to my email or other things in the hope of getting them done in that time frame. So all the things I do and plan for that I count as ministry outside the home have to happen in school hours. Once you account for all the other things that happen in school hours (catch ups, etc) there really just isn’t that much time. I am amazed at women who also manage to work, although I realise they are usually trying to do less other things than I am.

4. Part of this has been a realisation that since we have decided my main role is wife, mother and household manager - a decision I am happy with - it does still take up most of my time and I need to learn not to be dissatisfied with it. I have been amazed at how much more time goes in to maintaining this house which is bigger than our last one, but also - and I think this is the real difference - a house that we own. I had no idea how much home ownership changes your attitude about a house and what could be done in it. That’s one of my personal issues, but it definitely gives weight to my advice to young couples not to buy a house for a long time!

5. One final thing that I always have to take into account is my own ‘introversion’. If I overload with people in any way, I don’t have the energy for my own family. If I view my day as having 3 time-slots - morning, early-afternoon and evening; I can function fine if one has extra people in it, 2 is a stretch and 3 is way too much (I don’t have words left for Husband at the end of the day!) So, just because I have the time-slots free, it doesn’t mean I have the emotional capacity free. I make sure every day (if I can) before school pick up I sit down from 2-2:45 to have a cup of tea and clear my head. If we have a very busy hospitality weekend, I schedule a quiet day for the Monday to recover. If we have lots of nights busy, I keep the day slots free-er. That way I have time for my family when they need me. I have made it an extra priority in recent years to have energy for Husband at night, so that we continue to have fun together!

So, that’s my thoughts about transitioning into having everyone at school. They may or may not be relevant to you, but they were helpful for me to think about again.

The Chronicles of Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis

I spent a fair bit of time over 12 months last year reading this series of 7 books to my eldest two.  At the time they were aged 8 & 10.  We started with The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe which even though is chronologically the second one, I felt was the one to set the scene and it reveals Aslan in a wonderfully slow and descriptive way.  If that one grabs their attention and they love it – they will be ready to cope with the rest.  If they can’t quite manage it yet, wait before you go on to the rest.  

There are many wonderful things about these books – the beauty and creativity of Lewis’s writing; you can just enjoy the story; or as a Christian you can read them and see all sorts of analogies with Christian teaching and thought, and use that as a springboard to talk about matters of God and faith.

Personally, I loved it – I had not read the final five in the series before myself, so for all three of us it was the first time we were experiencing it.

We would read a book, chapter by chapter at night, then take a break for about a month and then start the next one.  Some were harder going than others.  We felt The Horse and His Boy was slow to get going.  I found The Silver Chair a bit hard going myself.

In the end though, we loved them all.  They were detailed, interesting, good stories with strong characters.  The absolute highlight was the final chapter of the final book, The Last Battle.  For those who have read it, you know what I mean.  For those who have not – it is a fictional picture of arriving in heaven.  We finished reading it and all just looked at each other, in silence and amazement and awe.  All we could say was ‘wow’.

The best moment of all was about 10 minutes later when my son came up to me and said "If that is what heaven is like, it makes you definitely want to make sure you believe in Jesus so you get to go there".

There it is in a nutshell – why I read to my kids and why I teach them the faith. Thank God for these wonderful authors!

Kids Christian Camps

Our two eldest (age 9 & 11) went to their first Christian camp this holidays. It was a big deal – mainly because they were both away for 4 nights and had never been away for that long without a family member. Also, because we have been waiting for these fun times to start for a while now!

It was the perfect choice for them: they could go together, the camp was aimed at 9-13 year-olds and thanks to some planning and a number of dear friends across Adelaide with similar age children, each went with a group of friends who were in their small groups and dorm rooms.

I had some feelings of misgiving when I dropped them off. There was no reason to: the camp was well-organised, the kids were welcomed wonderfully (as was I), and due to Adelaide being a small place we knew a number of the leaders personally. Yet there is always that feeling of anxiety when you leave your children anywhere.

Fast forward five days and I was back to pick them up. The end of the camp was in an auditorium packed with kids, leaders and parents.

I spotted my two surrounded by friends and leaders. They, with all the others, recited from memory the verses they had learnt during the week - Hebrews 12:1-2. The all leapt up to sing and dance unashamedly to Colin Buchanan’s “Super Saviour”. They hugged and thanked their leaders. Then a photo collage came up and showed snapshots of the week.

I found myself a bit misty-eyed as I watched. For what a gift and privilege it is to have people who are willing to teach and lead camps for kids. Who are willing to be Christians and be fun with children. Who are willing to talk about Jesus unashamedly. Who are willing to sleep for a week with a bunch of giggling 9-year old girls or a bunch of noisy smelly older boys. Who are willing to lose sleep, listen to inane conversations, make craft, be silly, yet do it all in the name of Jesus so that these kids have role models who follow Jesus.

I know for certain that we, their parents, are their main teachers. It is our job to teach them of Christ and his marvellous work. But I also know that we do this as part of a team, and we are entering that youth stage where the team is growing. More members need to be enlisted. Young men who will show my son how to stand up and stand strong for Jesus. Young women who will show my girls what it looks like to find your value in Christ alone.

I am so incredibly thankful for all the people who give their time on this camp, it was great for the children and the kids loved it. But, we as parents loved it too and are incredibly thankful.

This camp (and others in time) will now be a regular feature of our January. We will need to re-think the timing of our annual leave to make it work. Our youngest is now counting down the two years until she is allowed to go. I know not everyone lives in places where these options are available, but if they are – it’s worth making it happen. Expand the team of role models for your kids!