Monday, November 30, 2009

for women only (part 8) - romance

for women only:
you need to know about the inner lives of men
Shaunti Feldhahn

Chapter 7 - Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing
Why the Reluctant Clod You Know Really Does Want Romance*

I found this chapter a little less illuminating - or perhaps not so surprising. She found that men want romance however, they have some hesitations about making a move in that direction:

1. "I won't do a very good job" - the risks of humiliation
2. Haunted by romantic failure - or being unable to top the last success
3. It's difficult to change gears from job and responsibility to romance

Then she explored how there is or can be a difference in definition of romance between men and women, because

1. Playing together is romantic for many men - so that game of golf or bushwalk he suggests may be his idea of romance.
2. Romance without sex may not feel complete - it's viewed as all part of the experience.

So, our response?
1. Encourage - all efforts at romance, and go along with suggestions to play together
2. Entice him - make him want to pursue you romantically
3. Drop hints, let you know what you would like and find romantic
4. Keep him number one - this includes #1 over the kids, give him time too.

Personally, one thing I did find enlightening in this chapter was the idea that for some men, playing together is romantic. I realised that when Husband would ask if I wanted to go for a bushwalk, or come with him on the golf course, these are things he thought were romantic. I am much keener now to say 'yes' to these suggestions!

Some things to think about:

For men:

  • What types of things do you find romantic - candlelit dinner or outdoor activities? Or something else? Have you told you wife?
  • Are you afraid to organise romantic events, for fear of failure? Chances are, your wife would love it if you tried.

For women:
  • Can you identify the things your husband finds romantic?
  • Are you enabling him to do those things?

Next time: Part 9 - how we look

* these are her titles and subtitles - not mine!

No comments: