Instant Family

All five of us enjoyed and were challenged by this movie about fostering. Ellie (Rose Byrne) and Pete (Mark Wahlberg) are very happily married in their forties, and have a business flipping houses. When they show a house with five bedrooms to their family to look at, a random comment that they would never need such a large house because they are never going to have kids gets them thinking. Why don’t they have kids? Seems the years have gone by, it was never the right time and then after a while they stopped talking about it.

Pete makes a joking comment that perhaps they should just adopt a five-year-old so it would seem like they started having kids earlier than they did. This prompts Ellie to do an online search and she ends up on a fostering website, struck by the number of children needing homes. Pete is drawn in as well, and they end up in foster care classes.

So, the movie ends up with two main groups of people – the first being the adults in the foster care class and their instructors. These are a diverse group of people, from all walks and stages of life, wanting to care for foster kids for various reasons. The two instructors, Karen and Sharon, are great. They are honest, wise and willing to laugh. They walk beside these families through all their ups and downs, and support and encourage them along the way.

Then we are introduced to the kids. There is a fostering fair, where prospective parents and kids needing families can meet each other. Pete can’t stand seeing all the teenagers being ignored, though Ellie is very hesitant to talk to them because in her mind teenagers are trouble. They are rebuked by Lizzy, a fifteen-year-old, who tells them not to worry, but go and look at the little kids and forget about them.

They are intrigued and on inquiring discover than Lizzy has two younger siblings Juan and Lita, whom she has raised since their mother went to jail for drug use. They decide to proceed and bring all three children into their home.

Not surprisingly, it is hard, awkward and emotional. Ellie and Pete can’t quite believe the chaos that has hit them. There are temper tantrums for Lita, Juan is terrified of ever getting in trouble, and Lizzy is distant and reticent. When it gets really hard, they have an honest conversation about whether they can back out. Yet there are also moments of real joy. Connections are forged, trust is earnt and love is growing.

It seemed to touch on many of the big issues of fostering. This includes raising kids who are a different ethnicity to yourself. Pete wonders if there is a problem with a white couple taking on three Latino kids. As Karen says to him: “We have every colour of kid in the system, and every colour of parent”. Their extended families raise major concerns, wondering if they are “rolling the dice with the offspring of criminals or drug addicts”. There is the perception about foster parents: “everyone thinks we’re saints”. There are the emotional challenges of being in a system where family reunification is the priority. This is set in the US, where they have a more ‘fostering to adoption’ process, which is the not the case as much here in Australia.

As for content? There is a fair amount of swearing, which I still don’t like hearing with my kids, but each assures me nothing we are willing to watch at home will beat what they hear at school. There are references to ‘dick pics’ and naked selfies, and there is a particular unpleasant predatory janitor in a very minor role (who is beaten up by Pete and Ellie).

It’s a lovely story. It’s honest about the challenges, and excited about the potential of fostering. We have numerous friends who foster and our kids are becoming more aware of it. While no two-hour movie can do justice to the complexities of the real thing, it’s still a good thing for us all to have a little bit more insight into some of the challenges and joys.