Metanoia

Metanoia, Anna McGahan

I find it very hard to know how to review this book. On one hand, it’s a beautifully written, creative, honest account of a young woman’s artistic life from her teenage years to age 30. It tells of her coming to faith in Christ and how that changes all aspects of her life. At the same time, I found she expressed that faith in language and with concepts so different from my own that I struggled to connect with it.

Anna McGahan is a well known Australian actor and writer who many will recognise from shows like House Husbands and ANZAC Girls. She begins with a story of her at age 8 writing a letter to God, asking him to prove his existence to her. The next account is at age 14, which starts 10 years of eating disorders. She develops an acting career and fully submerges herself into an artistic lifestyle, which includes pursuing Buddhism, sexual expression with most both men and women, and drugtaking. The book is structured around six different sections noting different aspects of the body. This first section is called “The body is a marketplace”. It’s searingly honest but by no means salacious.

She tells how she started going to church, read the Bible in detail, and eventually came to faith. It’s an experiential and charismatic conversion as she identifies the Holy Spirit speaking to her, she speaks in tongues, and she is instantly healed from 10 years of eating disorder and body image issues. One thing that she finds particularly freeing is the realisation that she does not need to have sex any more.

It is not an easy road over the next few years, she develops a relationship with a man but is distraught to discover he lives out same-sex attraction. She continues to wonder at her own attraction to women. She explores what it means to have platonic loving friendships with women. The considerations as she works through Christian views on homosexuality are kindly measured,

“The way I had shamed and decried any religious view point on queerness as automatic hate speech felt unsubstantiated and crude. I knew now, first hand, that most Christians were gently working out how to reconcile their faith with the complexities of sexual expression, not spitting homophobia. People I had previously considered ‘bigots’ were now my friends. They had conservative views on sex, yes, but they were generous and open. They listened. They were not disgusted by gayness, and they did not mock or belittle it. They wrestled with the topic on my behalf. They make choices about their own bodies and did not impose these choices on me.”

When given money for an acting scholarship in LA, God tells her who to give it away to, how much, and when. It’s remarkably specific. She joins faith based artistic communities in Los Angeles, experiencing great joy at living with others, worshipping God and together trying to reach out to the artistic professions. It’s seems to be quite spirit-led, with prophecy and interpretive expressions of faith.

Coming back to Australia was a rude shock, as she comes to realise the disparity between the church and the artistic communities,

“The Australian church didn’t seem to want artists. It didn’t understand them, didn’t really try to. And secular Australia certainly didn’t want Jesus. Christian artists were stuck on the bridge connecting the church and the secular, their commission to tell the truth designed to not the two worlds but instead locking them out of both. They were captives of the in-between.”

So she starts The Fireplace, a group of Australian artists on journeys of faith. Later chapters explore her marriage and birth of her first child. I found these final accounts quite arresting.

This is a book that shares experience. It tells the story of how God has been at work Anna’s life and in the lives of those around her. And it’s a powerful story. Yet at the same time, as I said, I found it tricky reading. If one was looking for the gospel explained, it is not there. If you gave it to someone who had questions about faith or was exploring Christianity, there is very little to hang on to. There is almost no bible content, beyond a few quotes and very little thought out theology. In fact, the only times she adds interpretive theological comments, it’s more in the vein of perhaps the Holy Spirit is feminine, or “God is gender neutral to me”.

It did widen my view of Christian expression and see how God can indeed work in varied and remarkable ways, sometimes expressly directly and moving his people to action. I suspect some (maybe including some in the creative arts industries) will find something here to put some words to their faith. Yet, others may find themselves wondering at the spiritual experiences she has been given, and find disparity with their own more cerebral connections to faith, God, Jesus, and scripture. That was probably my own reaction.

I read this book in response to a review on TGCA. It’s worth reading for an additional perspective.