You are still a mother

You are still a mother: Hope for women grieving a stillbirth or miscarriage, Jackie Gibson (New Growth Press, 2023)

In this heartfelt and honest book, Jackie Gibson reaches out to mothers who have lost a child due to stillbirth or miscarriage, and shares the comfort and love of God who is with them in their pain. She begins by sharing the devastating story of the stillbirth of her daughter Leila, and so forms an immediate connection with the reader - this is someone who knows this sadness.

Each brief chapter brings a truth about God to the fore, in light of such loss. These include:

• Cling to God’s truths - we believe in the darkness, what we have seen in the light. 
• We turn to Jesus, the man of sorrows, who wept at death and knows what it is to suffer. 
• God is sovereign, even in this. This can help with the ‘what-ifs’, for God numbered this child’s days. 
• Questioning whether God really is good, if he allowed this to happen. As Job conceded, there are things too wonderful about God for us to grasp, and sometimes we have to live with not knowing the why. 
• The child is safe in the arms of Jesus. 
• The child is precious in his sight (and what has happened is not a punishment for any sin). 
• In time, you may see that God has not wasted your suffering. 
• Suffering makes us groan for our home in heaven. 

Gibson also addresses other aspects of loss:

• You are still a mother, for motherhood begins at conception 
• She notes that there is a particular complexity to grief with a miscarriage before a baby’s gender is known. 
• The pain and grief will change, but be aware of symptoms of trauma and stress. 
• You have had a significant loss, don’t allow our society to minimise it. 

I realise starkly writing the topics out above has unhelpfully reduced them to simplistic points. While the chapters are short, there is nothing simplistic about the content. Gibson has carefully worded everything she says to represent gospel truths with compassion and care. Because it is both very short and very caring, it could be read soon after a grief. The rawness may assist some to express their own pain. It’s clearly aimed at mothers, but fathers will also find much to help them process their loss as well. It is also for Christians. I wouldn’t give this to an unbeliever with such a loss. Partly because it is only through the gospel that the truths of God’s goodness and sovereignty in this context are a comfort. But also because while she is confident that the unborn children of believers are safe in the arms of Jesus, she does not comment about the unbeliever, leaving this unspoken question unanswered.

I particularly liked her comments about the everlasting arms (from Deut 33:27).

“There was only one pair of arms that could hold me through the worst moment of my life—the everlasting arms of an eternal God.”

And the reminder from an anonymous author:

“Suffering is not a question that demands an answer. It is not a problem that requires a solution. It is a mystery that needs a presence.”

I was given an ecopy of this book in exchange for an honest review.