Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood

Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood, David P. Setran & Chris A. Keisling                      

Husband put this one in my hands, and as it is very relevant to his work, I was keen to read it.  Subtitled A Practical Theology for College and Young Adult Ministry, you can also see why he recommended it to his whole organisation, those who work with university students.  

It is a detailed analysis of Emerging Adults - a term which has been developed to describe young adults in their 20s when they are finding their way, in study, jobs, life partners, and faith decisions.  It has become almost a full decade of ‘me’ time, characterised strongly by self absorption and self fulfilment.

The authors look at faith, spiritual formation, identity, church, vocation, morality, sexuality, relationships and mentoring.   In each area they review current trends in emerging adults, the risks and opportunities, and the ways those working with them can encourage these young adults to love Jesus, live the gospel and make life choices that will grow them in the faith and grow the kingdom of God.

It was a fascinating read, both the analysis and the proposed ways forward.  Some points that resonated with me:

• The challenge to address society’s “moralistic therapeutic deism”.  That is, we don’t just follow a God because he gives us a way to live and makes us feel good about it.  Rather we want hearts to be shaped and lives to be formed for the glory of God and to really know God, who he is and what he has done.
• There were very helpful suggestions for churches to think about how to engage with this age group – though strong teaching, intergenerational fellowship, worship and outreach.
• Thinking about vocation not through the lens of “Who am I?” but “Whose am I?” and in so doing considering gifts, passions, opportunities and community. 
• Helpful comments in the relationship section about living through this age as a single and how relationships can develop wisely and well.
• A strong call to mentor this age group – both those who are parents of them, those who work with them and those who have the opportunity; “Without question, the “mentoring gap” in emerging adulthood is one of the most significant factors blunting spiritual formation in these years” (p212).  This age group need “mentors who guarantee the possibility of a kingdom focussed adult life” (p228)

For those who work with this age group, I suggest this is essential reading.   For those who are parenting or about to parent this age group, I would also recommend it, to help think again about how our role as parents, even when they are young adults, is never finished.

Written in my own Heart's Blood

Written in my own Heart’s Blood, Diana Gabaldon

This eighth book in the Outlander series was released with great anticipation mid last year. I read it straight away but never blogged about it. I bought the book the day I found out my grandmother died, flew to Sydney, led the service and then got on a plane to join my family in Singapore for a week’s holiday. That led to a 3 month break from blogging, so some books were never reviewed. 

However I always planned to re-read this one and finally did so in the last month. Gabaldon’s books in this series are enormous, so it’s no surprise there is a fair wait between volumes. The seventh in the series An Echo in the Bone finished on a cliffhanger in about 3 separate story lines. This eighth book was a 4 year wait, and was well worth it. 

Picking up right where the previous book ended, we are thrown into 18^th century America, in the time of the War of Independence. Minor storylines are also continued in 1739 and the 1980s in Scotland. I reflected again that I like these books because Gabaldon portrays strong marriages. Any characters where she includes both the husband and the wife, have a positive marriage: Jamie & Claire, Roger & Brianna, Ian & Rachel, Denzel & Dottie. It’s remarkably refreshing.

It was suggested that this book would be the last in the series and it finished in a satisfying yet hopeful way. However, I am now informed there in a ninth in production – so there is more to look forward to, in about another four years!

Minister's Wives

We have a little tradition here at our church - the 'Preacher's Wives' (as we call ourselves) go away together each year. It's an event we all look forward to. We leave our husbands and children for 2 nights and go away, usually to a beach house, for a time of encouragement and refreshment.

It's only one of the ways we support each another, as we also meet fortnightly throughout the year to pray together. When I arrived here, this group of women had been meeting together for years, as well as going away together annually. It was a wonderful group to arrive into. Here were women also married to men in ministry, all seeking to live godly lives and all keen to encourage one another through joyous and sad times.

Five years later, this group has become one of my main support networks. I look forward to our fortnightly times of prayer, and I really look forward to our times away. Not only because for me they really are a break, a time with adults only at the beach for 3 days - but because these women are a constant encouragement to me.

We are a diverse bunch - we currently number 11 women and we are spread over 8 congregations at 3 centres. We age from under 30 to nearing 50, we have children ranging from 'in utero' to university age. We serve in different ways: some teach publicly, some lead bible studies, some lead singing or play music, some encourage other women and meet with them privately, some have wonderful hospitality. We look after our households in different ways: some work, others do not; some love to cook, others prefer take-away; some love craft, others can't stand it. But all of us love our husbands, love our ministries and are united by the gospel.

This year, we watched the DVDs of the Equip Ministry Wives Conference from 2008. There were 2 talks from Phillip Jensen on 'Being a wife' and 'Being a ministry wife', and a talk from Carmelina Read on 'How to discourage your husband in ministry' (later turned into a Briefing Article, which can be read here).

We watched each talk as a group and then talked about each in depth. And here I share some of the points I liked/learnt:

Talk 1 - Being a wife

- He centred his talk around Prov 12:4 "a wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones"

- The idea that we are made for our husbands by God, and that there is nothing more glorious than a man (on this earth) than his wife - she is the crowning pleasure of his existence. Which is a privilege!

- Most men do not need many friends, a good wife is all they need. This helped me to think through how G views me. He doesn't have many other close friends (although there are some), but primarily he wants to spend his time with me. Which I love and which I do not have to worry about - I am enough for him.

- He finished with a comment, that many minister's wives know and probably fear - "all minister's wives halve or double their husband's ministries". What I felt when I looked around at our little group was encouraged - all of these women enhance their husband's ministries - all in different ways - but they do all enhance them.


Talk 2 - Being a ministry wife

He had an interesting section on work vs. career vs. calling, with the following definitions:
- work - the job you do to get paid, so that you may live
- career - finding your satisfaction in your work, seeking your own development, which can be very self-focused
- calling - the thing you would do even if you were not paid to do it (this can include sportsmen (ie you would play golf even if no one paid you), artists, authors, musicians - money or advancement is not the motivation, but rather the joy of what you do.
- He made the point that those have jobs are often happy, those who have a calling are often very happy, and those who follow careers are often unhappy. It was an interesting point, which I think does contain some truth. If you look for your self worth from your job, no job is likely to ever be good enough for very long, however I wonder if the lines here are a bit too clearly drawn.

However, following from that, he asked - what then is your calling? He suggested that as a minister's wife we have two callings:
1. to be a wife (because we are married)
2. to be in ministry (because we are Christian) - I wonder then whether this definition of 2 callings may therefore apply to all Christian wives, not specifically minister's wives?

Another helpful point was that we are wives before we are minister's wives. We married a man, not a minister. If he was not a minister, we would still be his wife. Therefore, if you are a minister's wife, how do you describe yourself? "The Minister's wife" or "His name's wife"? I must say I don't tend to describe myself as the minister's wife, but I find it is helpful for people to understand how I fit into the picture at church pretty quickly, more to save them saying something they might regret, or making them feel embarrassed!

Then he had a few points about being the Minister's Helper. Here are some of them:

1. Do not complain about being in Christian ministry - for our lives are much easier. Our work is our church and our workplace is our home. We are not divided between his work, her work, home and church - other live in 2 or more worlds, we live in 1. And I know this to be true, I watch my friends, who struggle with his job taking long hours, her trying to run the home, and perhaps another job, and them also trying to be committed their church in their small amounts of available time - and I know that my life is easier.

2. Remember that we have more ability to exercise our gifts in ministry than almost any other woman in the congregation. It is a privileged position.

3. Related to that, is that we need to be thankful for the privilege of the position we hold. Our husbands are paid to read the bible, pray with others and preach the word. We are taken care of by others, and we must be teaching contentment to our children.

4. We need to work at being dignified. (1 Tim 3:11) - we must aim to be constant, reliable, honest, not slanderers and sober-minded. A high calling, but one that all Christians should be aiming for.

5. He also had some helpful guidelines for giving sermon feedback. As we discussed this amongst us, we realised again how different our husbands are and how they respond to feedback differently.

As you can probably tell from the amount of my notes, I really enjoyed this talk and it gave me lots to think about.

Talk 3 - How to discourage your husband in ministry

This humorous talk by Carmelina Read brilliantly captured some of the many things we all do as wives which discourage rather than encourage our husbands. I linked to the Briefing article above, and suggest you read it directly, although I actually think the talk was better. Obviously the things she was talking about especially near the end were deadly serious, and she dealt with them very well and sensitively.

***

Of course that is not all we did - we went for walks on the beach, ate lovely food, watched DVDs, quilted, made cards, chatted, shared, and avoided the mice that were sharing the house with us. And we even had facials on the way down there!


All in all, a time of great encouragement together. If you are a minister's wife and do not have such a support network - can I encourage you to find one? It is a great blessing to us all.

A Chameleon, a Boy and a Quest

A Chameleon, a Boy and a Quest, J. A. Myhre

Both Mr 12 and I enjoyed this one and I suspect Ms 8 & 10 will too.  Written by a long-term medical missionary to Africa for her children, it is about Mu, a 10-year old orphaned African boy.  Going about his usual day doing the women’s work of getting water for his family, Mu is stopped by a chameleon speaking to him.  Going by the name Tita (the word for father or uncle), the chameleon tells Mu he is about to go on a quest.   By the end of the day, Mu has left his home and headed across the country.  He does not understand where he is going or why, and as they go Tita explains there is evil in the land with some people and animals serving Abbadon, the destroyer.   Mu has to learn who he can trust and whether his own character is up to the challenge.

There are subtle gospel themes throughout dealing with truth, good and evil, love, grace, sacrifice and mercy.  The story grabs your attention and interest even with only a surface reading, but the additional themes give even more depth to think and talk about.   Myhre’s writing is descriptive and evocative.  There were elements that reminded me of Patricia St John: 

Right now the cool sharpness of the morning, the loneliness of the path, and the absence of the inevitable weight all filled him with a sense of something, a premonition close to joy but tinged with a darker hue, perhaps danger. He felt the slant of the morning sunlight through the palm fronds as a deep ache of the heart, a longing for something he couldn’t begin to name.

It seems this is the beginning of a series and we look forward to future volumes.   Yet another good publication from New Growth Press, released only last week.

Two Wolves

Two Wolves, Tristan Bancks

This youth fiction is quite different to others I have come across.  I’m glad I read it to Mr 12 as it raises some interesting questions: most notably, what do you do when your parents have done something wrong?

Twelve-year-old Ben Silver’s parents rush back to their Sydney home one day, announce a snap-decision holiday and bundle him and his little sister Olive into the car.   Hours are spent driving, a police car is evaded and eventually they come to an old deserted cabin of his grandfather’s.  As Ben starts to think about what has happened it becomes clear to him that his parents are on the run.

The story took a few twists and turns I wasn’t expecting.   Ben & his sister have to survive on their own in the bush for a while and in the end both of his parents have to choose which path to take.  The title of the book is taken from a tale:

An old man tells his grandson that there is a battle raging inside him, inside all of us. A terrible battle between two wolves. One wolf is bad – pride, jealousy, greed. The other wolf is good – kindness, hope, truth. The child asks, ‘Who will win?' The grandfather answers simply, ‘The one you feed.' (on the back cover)

It is a good book to read and talk about character with your kids.  

A Severe Mercy

A Severe Mercy, Sheldon Vanauken

A friend put this book in my hands assuring me I would like it & she was right.  I quickly was caught up in the story of Sheldon & his wife Jean (Davy).   The two met in their college years in Virginia and instantly connected.  A deep, all-consuming love for each other developed, and a decision to so commit to their love that they must share everything – all thoughts, emotions, books read and experiences.  They even decide not have children because it could come between their love.  It’s a somewhat alarming opening chapter, but necessary to explain all that follows later.

When the opportunity to study at Oxford arises, they excitedly move across the Atlantic.  In their early days they make a number of close friendships, all with people who happen to be Christians.   Their exposure to intelligent, well-read men & women who take their faith seriously caused both to decide to investigate Christianity properly.  They started by reading a number of works by C.S. Lewis and decide to write to him, which begins a long friendship and many years of letter-writing.  As a number of Lewis’ letters are included in full, it also gives a clearer picture of him as a letter-writer than the biography C. S. Lewis: A Life did.

Over time Davey and then Sheldon come to faith.  

it was the rather chilling realisation that I could not go back.  In my old easy-going theism, I had regarded Christianity as a sort of fairy tale; and I had neither accepted nor rejected Jesus, since I had never, in fact, encountered him.  Now I had.  The position was not, as I had been comfortably thinking all these months, merely a question of whether I was to accept the Messiah or not.  It was a question of whether I was to accept him – or reject…   This was not to be borne.  I could not reject Jesus.  There was only one thing to do, once I had seen the gap behind me.  I turned away from it and flung myself over the gap towards Jesus.  (p98-99)

 

At first I had, as Davy had had, an astonishing assurance and certainty about my choice, despite the doubts that had harried me so long.  I believe that a new Christian is given a special grace – joy and assurance – in the beginning, however feeble the choosing.  Until the new-born Christian has learned to stand and walk a little.  (p103) 

In the following years they continue to think through what it means to be a Christian and how that affects their previous plan of total-commitment to each other.   Davey then becomes chronically ill and Sheldon nurses her to her death (in her thirties).    This is not a spoiler – the back of the book says as much.

There is much in this book to recommend it – it is a genuine deep and true love story, it is the story of real conversion and the change that it brings, it is the realisation that death might not be the worse thing that could happen between two lovers, it is a moving insight into grief, and it is beautifully written.  Vanauken has sprinkled it liberally with his own poetry and the letters between him and Lewis.   As a result of reading it, I have turned back to some of Lewis’s writing, which has also been very encouraging.

The Lovely Bones

The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold

I remember reading this book about 10 years ago and it stayed with me for a long time.  I came across it again recently.

I have been reminded how powerful it is.  It starts with the brutal murder of 14-year old Susie Salmon, which thankfully is not dwelt on.  As her parents, siblings and friends all face the awful truth in various ways, we see each of them in their raw grief and later methods of coping.  At the same time, Susie is watching over them all as well as her killer, from her heaven.  As time marches inevitably on, Susie comes to realise that the world as she knew it is changing, and her loved ones will all keep living their lives, never forgetting her, but able to move forwards.  

You can see why it was a success.  It raises questions many people have about heaven, how the dead view the living, and whether we can speak to the dead.  It presents an idea of heaven that many people want to believe in – that heaven is what you make it, it has the people and things you want in it, and parts of it overlap with other people’s heavens.

It’s the type of book you can read in one long sitting, glued to what happens.  It makes you think about justice, death, and life after death.  It makes you ponder real grief and how families ever manage to get through such events.

I imagine it could be a great book for a book group, when you want to talk about things that really matter.