Picture Perfect

Picture Perfect: When Life Doesn’t Add Up, Amy Baker

I have been slowly working my way though this book for a number of months now.   It seems I picked it up at just the right time for it to be be very relevant and challenging. I read it on an iPad, so I had no idea how in depth it would be - it turned out to be longer and more detailed than I had expected (still only ~200 pages)

Baker has taken a long, hard look at perfectionism, the dangers it brings and how the gospel of grace saves us from it.

She starts out by analysing different types of perfectionism – such as people who don’t live up their own expectations, people who are always disappointed in others who don’t live up to their expectations, people who have given up trying to meet other’s expectations and people who are trying to meet their idea of God’s expectations.  It’s a good couple of chapters using specific people and situations to set the scene and illustrate her points.   Part 2 starts to think about how change can take place, using Jesus as our standard and how in fact, we are not called to worship the god of perfection, but the perfect God.   Baker is very good at assessing the issues and how all these problems stem from an incorrect knowledge of God.  Her ultimate challenge is to see that you can never be perfect, as God is perfect, yet grace saves us so that we can worship him and live our lives relying on this perfect God.

Part 3 got more applicable, and for this I was appreciative, for up to this point I felt she had diagnosed the issues very well, but I was wondering what I was supposed to do about it.  In these chapters, Baker addresses some of the issues that can be particularly challenging for perfectionists – fear of failure, pride, false humility, shame, guilt, and being able to rest.   Throughout these chapters we are reminded that perfection in found in Christ, that we only fail if we fail to glorify God, and that we are to find pride in His glory, not our own.

What is interesting about this book is that you come to see how perfectionism misplaced, that is, living to any standard other than God’s, is the condition of all humanity.   Unfortunately, some people will never pick up this book to see how relevant it is to them, yet it is applicable to all of us.   It’s worth reading and thinking about.   It made me ponder many aspects of my own character and how they are driven by the wrong motives.   It will challenge you to think about how your life is to be lived for Jesus, not yourself; not because of what you can do, but because of what he has already done.

Man Up

Man Up

We went to the movies last week to see Man Up, a new BBC Films & Studio Canal production.  Starring Simon Pegg and Lake Bell, it was a fun story of a mistaken blind date.    Nancy (Bell), a 34-year-old currently despairing at the state of her love life, is standing under a clock holding a book when she is mistaken for Jack’s set up date (a 40-year-old divorcee expecting to meet a 24-year-old triathlete).  Unable to find the words to correct him, they end up spending the day together.   As the truth slowly emerges, it becomes evident both of them have their own past relationship demons to work through, and both need to look forward not back.

Of course, being a modern comedy, there is some swearing, crassness and a fair bit of alcohol, but not over the top.   We liked it, it’s a classic feel-good movie.   There are strong similarities to movies like Love Actually, which I suspect means means it’s possibly not a great movie to see if you are single and dissatisfied.   Of course like all movies it’s unrealistic – who has that range of emotion and development of feeling over a range of about 8-10 hours?

Having said that it has good acting (I do like Simon Pegg, star of Run, Fat Boy, Run), a fun story and a catchy soundtrack.  A nice way to spend a few hours.

Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood

Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood, David P. Setran & Chris A. Keisling                      

Husband put this one in my hands, and as it is very relevant to his work, I was keen to read it.  Subtitled A Practical Theology for College and Young Adult Ministry, you can also see why he recommended it to his whole organisation, those who work with university students.  

It is a detailed analysis of Emerging Adults - a term which has been developed to describe young adults in their 20s when they are finding their way, in study, jobs, life partners, and faith decisions.  It has become almost a full decade of ‘me’ time, characterised strongly by self absorption and self fulfilment.

The authors look at faith, spiritual formation, identity, church, vocation, morality, sexuality, relationships and mentoring.   In each area they review current trends in emerging adults, the risks and opportunities, and the ways those working with them can encourage these young adults to love Jesus, live the gospel and make life choices that will grow them in the faith and grow the kingdom of God.

It was a fascinating read, both the analysis and the proposed ways forward.  Some points that resonated with me:

• The challenge to address society’s “moralistic therapeutic deism”.  That is, we don’t just follow a God because he gives us a way to live and makes us feel good about it.  Rather we want hearts to be shaped and lives to be formed for the glory of God and to really know God, who he is and what he has done.
• There were very helpful suggestions for churches to think about how to engage with this age group – though strong teaching, intergenerational fellowship, worship and outreach.
• Thinking about vocation not through the lens of “Who am I?” but “Whose am I?” and in so doing considering gifts, passions, opportunities and community. 
• Helpful comments in the relationship section about living through this age as a single and how relationships can develop wisely and well.
• A strong call to mentor this age group – both those who are parents of them, those who work with them and those who have the opportunity; “Without question, the “mentoring gap” in emerging adulthood is one of the most significant factors blunting spiritual formation in these years” (p212).  This age group need “mentors who guarantee the possibility of a kingdom focussed adult life” (p228)

For those who work with this age group, I suggest this is essential reading.   For those who are parenting or about to parent this age group, I would also recommend it, to help think again about how our role as parents, even when they are young adults, is never finished.

Written in my own Heart's Blood

Written in my own Heart’s Blood, Diana Gabaldon

This eighth book in the Outlander series was released with great anticipation mid last year. I read it straight away but never blogged about it. I bought the book the day I found out my grandmother died, flew to Sydney, led the service and then got on a plane to join my family in Singapore for a week’s holiday. That led to a 3 month break from blogging, so some books were never reviewed. 

However I always planned to re-read this one and finally did so in the last month. Gabaldon’s books in this series are enormous, so it’s no surprise there is a fair wait between volumes. The seventh in the series An Echo in the Bone finished on a cliffhanger in about 3 separate story lines. This eighth book was a 4 year wait, and was well worth it. 

Picking up right where the previous book ended, we are thrown into 18^th century America, in the time of the War of Independence. Minor storylines are also continued in 1739 and the 1980s in Scotland. I reflected again that I like these books because Gabaldon portrays strong marriages. Any characters where she includes both the husband and the wife, have a positive marriage: Jamie & Claire, Roger & Brianna, Ian & Rachel, Denzel & Dottie. It’s remarkably refreshing.

It was suggested that this book would be the last in the series and it finished in a satisfying yet hopeful way. However, I am now informed there in a ninth in production – so there is more to look forward to, in about another four years!

Minister's Wives

We have a little tradition here at our church - the 'Preacher's Wives' (as we call ourselves) go away together each year. It's an event we all look forward to. We leave our husbands and children for 2 nights and go away, usually to a beach house, for a time of encouragement and refreshment.

It's only one of the ways we support each another, as we also meet fortnightly throughout the year to pray together. When I arrived here, this group of women had been meeting together for years, as well as going away together annually. It was a wonderful group to arrive into. Here were women also married to men in ministry, all seeking to live godly lives and all keen to encourage one another through joyous and sad times.

Five years later, this group has become one of my main support networks. I look forward to our fortnightly times of prayer, and I really look forward to our times away. Not only because for me they really are a break, a time with adults only at the beach for 3 days - but because these women are a constant encouragement to me.

We are a diverse bunch - we currently number 11 women and we are spread over 8 congregations at 3 centres. We age from under 30 to nearing 50, we have children ranging from 'in utero' to university age. We serve in different ways: some teach publicly, some lead bible studies, some lead singing or play music, some encourage other women and meet with them privately, some have wonderful hospitality. We look after our households in different ways: some work, others do not; some love to cook, others prefer take-away; some love craft, others can't stand it. But all of us love our husbands, love our ministries and are united by the gospel.

This year, we watched the DVDs of the Equip Ministry Wives Conference from 2008. There were 2 talks from Phillip Jensen on 'Being a wife' and 'Being a ministry wife', and a talk from Carmelina Read on 'How to discourage your husband in ministry' (later turned into a Briefing Article, which can be read here).

We watched each talk as a group and then talked about each in depth. And here I share some of the points I liked/learnt:

Talk 1 - Being a wife

- He centred his talk around Prov 12:4 "a wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones"

- The idea that we are made for our husbands by God, and that there is nothing more glorious than a man (on this earth) than his wife - she is the crowning pleasure of his existence. Which is a privilege!

- Most men do not need many friends, a good wife is all they need. This helped me to think through how G views me. He doesn't have many other close friends (although there are some), but primarily he wants to spend his time with me. Which I love and which I do not have to worry about - I am enough for him.

- He finished with a comment, that many minister's wives know and probably fear - "all minister's wives halve or double their husband's ministries". What I felt when I looked around at our little group was encouraged - all of these women enhance their husband's ministries - all in different ways - but they do all enhance them.


Talk 2 - Being a ministry wife

He had an interesting section on work vs. career vs. calling, with the following definitions:
- work - the job you do to get paid, so that you may live
- career - finding your satisfaction in your work, seeking your own development, which can be very self-focused
- calling - the thing you would do even if you were not paid to do it (this can include sportsmen (ie you would play golf even if no one paid you), artists, authors, musicians - money or advancement is not the motivation, but rather the joy of what you do.
- He made the point that those have jobs are often happy, those who have a calling are often very happy, and those who follow careers are often unhappy. It was an interesting point, which I think does contain some truth. If you look for your self worth from your job, no job is likely to ever be good enough for very long, however I wonder if the lines here are a bit too clearly drawn.

However, following from that, he asked - what then is your calling? He suggested that as a minister's wife we have two callings:
1. to be a wife (because we are married)
2. to be in ministry (because we are Christian) - I wonder then whether this definition of 2 callings may therefore apply to all Christian wives, not specifically minister's wives?

Another helpful point was that we are wives before we are minister's wives. We married a man, not a minister. If he was not a minister, we would still be his wife. Therefore, if you are a minister's wife, how do you describe yourself? "The Minister's wife" or "His name's wife"? I must say I don't tend to describe myself as the minister's wife, but I find it is helpful for people to understand how I fit into the picture at church pretty quickly, more to save them saying something they might regret, or making them feel embarrassed!

Then he had a few points about being the Minister's Helper. Here are some of them:

1. Do not complain about being in Christian ministry - for our lives are much easier. Our work is our church and our workplace is our home. We are not divided between his work, her work, home and church - other live in 2 or more worlds, we live in 1. And I know this to be true, I watch my friends, who struggle with his job taking long hours, her trying to run the home, and perhaps another job, and them also trying to be committed their church in their small amounts of available time - and I know that my life is easier.

2. Remember that we have more ability to exercise our gifts in ministry than almost any other woman in the congregation. It is a privileged position.

3. Related to that, is that we need to be thankful for the privilege of the position we hold. Our husbands are paid to read the bible, pray with others and preach the word. We are taken care of by others, and we must be teaching contentment to our children.

4. We need to work at being dignified. (1 Tim 3:11) - we must aim to be constant, reliable, honest, not slanderers and sober-minded. A high calling, but one that all Christians should be aiming for.

5. He also had some helpful guidelines for giving sermon feedback. As we discussed this amongst us, we realised again how different our husbands are and how they respond to feedback differently.

As you can probably tell from the amount of my notes, I really enjoyed this talk and it gave me lots to think about.

Talk 3 - How to discourage your husband in ministry

This humorous talk by Carmelina Read brilliantly captured some of the many things we all do as wives which discourage rather than encourage our husbands. I linked to the Briefing article above, and suggest you read it directly, although I actually think the talk was better. Obviously the things she was talking about especially near the end were deadly serious, and she dealt with them very well and sensitively.

***

Of course that is not all we did - we went for walks on the beach, ate lovely food, watched DVDs, quilted, made cards, chatted, shared, and avoided the mice that were sharing the house with us. And we even had facials on the way down there!


All in all, a time of great encouragement together. If you are a minister's wife and do not have such a support network - can I encourage you to find one? It is a great blessing to us all.

A Chameleon, a Boy and a Quest

A Chameleon, a Boy and a Quest, J. A. Myhre

Both Mr 12 and I enjoyed this one and I suspect Ms 8 & 10 will too.  Written by a long-term medical missionary to Africa for her children, it is about Mu, a 10-year old orphaned African boy.  Going about his usual day doing the women’s work of getting water for his family, Mu is stopped by a chameleon speaking to him.  Going by the name Tita (the word for father or uncle), the chameleon tells Mu he is about to go on a quest.   By the end of the day, Mu has left his home and headed across the country.  He does not understand where he is going or why, and as they go Tita explains there is evil in the land with some people and animals serving Abbadon, the destroyer.   Mu has to learn who he can trust and whether his own character is up to the challenge.

There are subtle gospel themes throughout dealing with truth, good and evil, love, grace, sacrifice and mercy.  The story grabs your attention and interest even with only a surface reading, but the additional themes give even more depth to think and talk about.   Myhre’s writing is descriptive and evocative.  There were elements that reminded me of Patricia St John: 

Right now the cool sharpness of the morning, the loneliness of the path, and the absence of the inevitable weight all filled him with a sense of something, a premonition close to joy but tinged with a darker hue, perhaps danger. He felt the slant of the morning sunlight through the palm fronds as a deep ache of the heart, a longing for something he couldn’t begin to name.

It seems this is the beginning of a series and we look forward to future volumes.   Yet another good publication from New Growth Press, released only last week.