Surviving Year 12

Surviving Year 12, Michael Carr-Gregg and Elly Robinson

How do you feel about having a Year 12 student? (whether you currently do, have done or will do)

Most of us will have observed (or experienced) the range of ways parents can respond to Year 12. Some devote all their time and energy to their students, some greatly over-exaggerate the importance of it all, some glide through the year hardly noticing, and others manage to be in the state this book recommends: “chilled but vigilant”.

Mr Year 12’s high school had Michael Carr-Gregg, one of Australia’s leading adolescent psychologists and author of books like The Princess Bitchface Syndrome 2.0, come and give a presentation about “Surviving and Thriving Year 12” for parents in February. It coincided with the release of his new book on the same topic.

We have our first Yr 12 student this year and two more coming in the future, and as his presentation was excellent, it seemed worthwhile investing in this little book.

Carr-Gregg and Robinson have done a great job of breaking down the issues and challenges of Year 12 into manageable chunks and explaining them in helpful, realistic, practical ways for parents of their senior high schoolers. I don’t recall my parents stressing that much about my Year 12 experience, although they were supportive and present. It’s a relatively recent phenomenon that parents get so involved in Year 12 - or in many cases, so over-involved. It is somewhat ironic that a book about “Surviving Year 12” is written for parents, rather than the students. Wisely, the authors suggest that parents need to back off a fair bit, and concentrate on providing a healthy home environment that does not add to their stresses.

They state their purpose at the beginning:

“This book is about providing your teen with the optimal circumstances, based on evidence-informed skills, knowledge and strategies, for them to do as well as they can in the final year of school without compromising their wellbeing. It presents Year 12 and ATAR as important but not life defining. It will, above all, help you to be the best support and resource you can be for your child, taking into account their unique personality, motivations and coping skills – to be their cheer squad.” 

They divide the book into three parts, and the first sets the scene.

“Your role is to be the supportive bystander in Year 12, eagerly cheering on from the sidelines but not being a major player. We could light up Australia with the amount of energy that parents spend badgering, nagging, complaining, nitpicking and carping about the efforts of their teen in Year 12, but not only is this behaviour time-consuming and ineffective, it can also create a poisonous atmosphere in the home, which consolidates the pressure.” 

They raise an important question that should be considered early - should your child actually do Year 12? Should they perhaps extend the time they take over it, or take a year off before they attempt it? Rarely will parents consider these questions, so they are worth raising.

The second part dives in to more detail. As I said before, they advocate a ‘chilled yet vigilant’ method of parenting, and considers seven actions that parents can do to be most helpful:

1. Be a charismatic adult
2. Engage in positive reinforcement
3. Help them keep the year in perspective
4. Encourage them to challenge negative self-talk
5. Help them focus on the good bits
6. Look after yourself
7. Turn down the dial on conflict

They consider diet & nutrition, technology use, sleep, rest, exercise, mental health and wellbeing. There is a helpful simple explanation of stress and anxiety and how both work, with stress being the response to an external cue, and anxiety the internal response to the stress.

“The amount that students can tolerate before they become distressed will vary depending on their temperament and life situation.”

There are practical and simple life management tips to help them manage stress. The section finishes with some study tips, even considering the place of chewing gum in study and listening to music:

“There appears to be irrational gene that predisposes many parents to believe that young people should not listen to music (particularly music they like) while studying. However, evidence indicates that there is no definitive answer as to whether listening to music while studying is good or bad.”

The final section considers the “last steps to freedom”. First, they look at the final exams:

“The role of the parent during exams is to be a benign presence, a giant psychological safety net, ready and able to be there to offer support when needed, especially around maintaining wellbeing.”

It then turns to schoolies, getting results, considering uni and other pathways, and those final stages of moving towards adulthood.

This is a very helpful and applicable book for Australian parents of Year 12 students. It will hopefully reframe the issues for some, pointing out the Year 12 is just another step in the path to adulthood and that no-one is defined by their ATAR. It provides solid advice and encouragement to help your high-schooler have the most helpful and productive year possible as they finish school. Worth reading for Year 12 parents, and those approaching it.