Feminine Threads

Feminine Threads, Diana Lynn Severance

Have you noticed, that sometimes as modern 21st century westerners we can be a little arrogant about the past? We think they weren’t as educated or informed as we are, they didn’t really understand how the world worked, they lived such simple lives, and so on.

It’s even more dangerous when we start to think that way as Christians. When we think that Christians of the early centuries or the middle ages or Victorian England – perhaps we think they weren’t educated, or intelligent, or wise, or learned. They didn’t really know their bibles that well. They didn’t really know how to think theologically.

And then you read a history book like Feminine Threads which puts you in your place. It shows you that Christians have lived godly, intelligent, wise, learned lives since Christ walked the earth. What you are pushed to actually realise is that godly women over the ages have studied the scriptures, learnt them, meditated upon them and memorised them. In essence, some were more learned, more studious and more devout than many of us will ever be.

Over two centuries, Christian women have influenced their homes, their husbands, their workplaces, their bishops, their popes, their kings, their governments, their countries and their jailers. They have housed churches in their homes, pushed for reform, changed nations and died as martyrs. Feminine Threads will open your eyes to the place of women in Christian history, introducing you to many women you would otherwise never hear of.

I first got this book when it was recommended so highly by Meredith.  A few weeks later I read Tamie’s review which was much less complementary.  I had both their words ringing in my ears when I read it.   Interestingly I found myself agreeing with both of them.  Yes, it is an amazingly encouraging read about godly women throughout time. And yes, Severance clearly has an anti-feminist, anti-women’s ordination agenda which comes out strongly throughout and she attaches that to a number of her interpretations.

She includes women across the band of denominations and parts of the church quite broadly – Catholicism, mysticism, Congregationalist, Salvation Army, Puritan, Quaker, reformed, etc. It is centred in the West, especially England and America, and I would have loved to have had godly women in Africa, Asia and South America included.

When you read it, you could end up feeling a little useless (eg. I am not raising 8 children, I cannot translate Latin and Greek, I have not established a school or a missionary board). But that would be to miss the point.   These are the exemplary women of 2000 years of history, on whom information exists.   There are millions of other faithful women who minister to their families, teach the bible to those in their care, long to grow in godliness and strive to serve Jesus, yet whose lives are unrecorded.  I'll leave Severance with the last word:

Millions of women in following Christ have followed the New Testament pattern of Christian women – lifting up the needs of others in prayer, mentoring other Christians, supporting church leaders, showing hospitality, fellow-labouring as missionaries, supporting their husbands in Christian work, instructing other women, evangelizing and sharing the Word with others, teaching children, and helping those in need and distress. These Christian women were from the poor and rich, from every class of society, and from every continent on the globs. They were not perfect, but that have obtained a good testimony through faith in the One who have His life a ransom to redeem them for God. They are the feminine threads in the rich tapestry of Christian history. (p312)

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

I had the chance to see this at the movies the other night. It was a lovely, gentle film.

Seven senior residents of the UK, all having realised that their money will not stretch into retirement in the way they would like, respond to an ad to live in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (for the Aged and Beautiful) in India.  One is bereaved, one is chasing an old lost love, some are escaping financial loss and some are seeking companionship.   As their lives intertwine and they learn to live in a very foreign world, some find they cannot cope and others find a wonderful new lease on life.

With a stellar cast including Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Bill Nighy and Tom Wilkinson, this is a treat of a movie. It is definitely geared towards an older generation, those heading towards or in retirement, and it is also being plugged as a ‘chick flick’.

I really enjoyed it – it was funny, insightful, vulnerable and never crude. Perhaps you could take your mum to see it?!

Jasper Jones

Jasper Jones, Craig Silvey

The briefest, yet most informative description of this book is that it's an Australian To Kill a Mockingbird.  I studied To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee) at high-school, as I suspect did many others.  I loved it at the time and when I returned to read it as a adult, I found that it still captured my imagination in the same way it did as a teenager.  The portrayal of racism in the southern USA in the 1930s, the idea of justice and how people treat one another is illustrative and confronting.  If imitation is the highest form of flattery, it is clear that Silvey is a big fan of both Harper Lee and Mark Twain, referring to both throughout.   

Jasper Jones is the story of 13 year old Charlie Bucktin in a small country town of WA in 1965.  Over one summer Charlie makes an awful discovery with the local problem boy of mixed-race, Jasper Jones, which forges a friendship between them.  At the same time, Charlie is falling in love for the first time, and is a steadfast friend to Jeffrey, a Vietnamese migrant, who is either ignored or harassed by all in the town.  Silvey has done an excellent job of portraying the mind & conversations of youth, and as such I suspect some older teenage boys would enjoy it.  

This is a great book, which addresses teenage angst, family issues and racial tensions in a very white Australia.  

Easter readings

At Easter our family does 2 weeks of readings leading up to Easter, which concentrate on Jesus' last week from Matthew's gospel.  It's very similar to the Advent readings we do at Christmas time.  We open an egg each day and stick a picture or item on the wall to remind us of the story as it unfolds.  I have blogged about it over recent years.  If you would like copy of the material we use, please go to the resources tab.  If you want to use it for your family, it starts next Monday (March 26th).

Run ... Run

Run Fat B!tch Run, Ruth Field

It is with some trepidation that I review this book for you. Most of you are such nice polite readers out there that you won’t like the title of the book. But, stick in there - it might just be worth it...

Long term readers will know that I have taken up running in the past 2 years. It has slowly developed from the need to do regular exercise to ensure my back and neck function in a relatively normal way, with less pain and less referred pain in other parts of my body. What started out as a regular walk of about 3-4kms, very slowly developed into a run (because I was bored with walking), and then the distance slowly increased over time. Now I am trying to run a regular 10km per week and a few shorter runs of about 6km.

Now I give you these stats not because I am trying to brag (although I am rather proud of myself over the last few years). But rather to say – if I can do it, you can do it. I previously could not run 200m. Now I can and quite a bit more.

Lots of people think they could not possibly run, there is no way.

This book I found recently will help you change your mind. Ruth Field used to run regularly, then found herself pregnant with twins, not allowed to run and so she vented her frustration into writing a book helping people to get running. Basically she helps you do to exactly what I did – start walking, slowly progress to running and then keep running.

Her method is to find your inner grit – the voice in your head – and channel her energy into getting you out the door and doing something about it. You might not use her method specifically (take off your clothes, stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself you are a fat b…).   But it still might work to get you motivated!

Obviously, if you have self-esteem issues or eating disorder tendencies – do not go near this book. However, if you want to have a bit of a laugh at yourself and get some motivation along the way – this is a good one to start with. Have a look at her blog if you want a taste.

She gives some eating tips along the way, but still maintains that the only thing you need to do to get healthy is run.  I liked the amusement factor of this book, it was fun to read & it simplified everything. I especially liked her 2 golden rules of eating: 

If you are looking for some other inspiration and you aren’t sure this book will work for you – buy the newest magazine out: Women’s Running Australia – first issue out this month. I liked it – simple, not too technical, but enough to interest beginners through to more consistent runners.

The Heavenly Man

The Heavenly Man, Brother Yun with Paul Hattaway

I have seen this book around for years, so when Christian Audio made it their free book of the month a while ago I eagerly downloaded it. I listened to it on and off over a few months, so any inaccuracies are all mine in the remembering!

It is the story of Brother Yun, a Christian pastor from China. It tells of his conversion as a teenager, a strong sense of God’s calling him to preach, beginning a preaching ministry and continuing to serve God in China and later overseas.

It is a fascinating story – his life is full of stories of powerful conversions, visions and dreams from God, dramatic arrests, awful imprisonments, brutal beatings, miraculous healings and a continual conviction to preach the Word in every and all circumstances.

On one level it left me amazed. This one man has suffered and endured so much for the gospel. Yet he has also continually experienced God’s grace in many ways. After years of hardship in China, he has now left China and is in Germany and working for the Back to Jerusalem movement which seeks to reach many unbelievers with the gospel.

On another level it left me uncomfortable. The ongoing stories of prison torture verged on masochistic (sometimes I would listen to 40 mins non-stop of prison and torture tales). The miraculous signs and wonders which God performed in his life – he fasted for 74 days, he escaped prison miraculously, was healed miraculously, received many specific dreams and visions as warnings and instructions from God - are incredible to read about. Yet, I wondered: how helpful it is for some to read of them? Could someone read this book and think: “Why doesn’t God work in my life that way?” “Why am I not healed?” “Why doesn’t God tell me of his plans and what I am to do?” If you are likely to question God more over how he acts in your life, rather than praise God for his work in another’s, I suspect you shouldn’t read it. Although it also made me think: perhaps if we want God to act in our lives in such dramatic ways, we should also be willing to suffer much more for him.

Towards the end, Yun spends some time thinking about the Chinese house churches vs. the churches in the west. It is not a flattering comparison for those of us in the west, and rightly so, I suspect. He thinks we are soft, worried about our own comforts and less concerned with serving Jesus and giving him our whole lives. In the mission organisation he is part of it is clear that it’s members may well lose their lives for Christ. I’m not sure I’ve read that in any mission statements I have come across here.

Because I have no knowledge about the church in China, I asked a friend who has worked there. Here are some of her comments:

Indeed, he went through much suffering, miracles and preservation by the Lord, that it almost seems unbelievable. But having met many Chinese Christians, especially in the rural areas of China (including Henan Province where Brother Yun was born), how many of them came to know the Lord through miraculous healing (when they can't afford to go to the doctors), I'm humbled by the work of the Holy Spirit.

In her work, she worked with the registered churches (of whom Brother Yun is quite scathing):

“I can't comment much about the house churches as I work mainly with the registered church, to provide bible resources legally and openly. But having been to registered churches especially in the rural areas, where you see their love for Jesus, I beg to differ from Brother Yun about the total condemnation of the registered churches. The persecution he went through was mainly in the 70-80s, where undeniably, religion freedom was limited. But the China today is a far cry from what it was during Cultural Revolution (CR) and slightly post-CR.

I found her comments helpful. Perhaps you will too.

It is a challenging read. If others out there have read it, I would love to know your thoughts.


(This morning, Jean's blog helpfully pointed me to this arcticle by The Gospel Coalition, which helps explain why the situation in China is by no means straightforward - 8 Myths About China Today)

Shoot Me First

Shoot Me First, Grant Lock

I eagerly picked up this book at our CMS Summer Encounter Conference.  Grant and Janna Lock worked in Pakistan and Afghanistan for 24 years, serving the people of those nations in varied ways, including overseeing eye care programs and empowerment schemes for widows. 

Over two decades in that part of the world has given them incredible insights into Islam, Hinduism, the wars and the West's involvement; and the political and social problems facing that region.  

Following a general chronology from 1984-2008, Lock shares many stories of their time there, their relationships with locals and other foreign workers, and some insights into their own family life through the years.  While it is essentially a book of stories, Lock has intertwined them with considered thought as to political, social and religious consequences.  While their faith is evident throughout, it gently suffuses the book, making it accessible for anyone - believer and unbeliever alike.   You could loan this your neighbour, read it in a reading group and share it with your bible study members.

With his unique view and experience he does not shy away from commenting on the Taliban, the West's response to Islam or the treatment of women in Islamic cultures.   I found his outlook helpful, as I knew it is based on long firsthand experience.  This is a couple who have lived thoroughly in a culture, love its people and who strived to serve them for many years.

I can't help but be proud.  Our organisation has been doing the hearts-and-mind work in Afghanistan for forty-three years.  Through all the regime changes, they have kept on serving the Afghan people.  Every eye that regains its vision, every small business loan, every micro-hydroelectric lightbulb in remote villages, every Afghan trained.  It's only happening one person, one family, at a time, but it's happening, and it has been done on low budgets with every dollar accounted for.  It's extremely rewarding to be a small part of all that. 

A very encouraging and educational read.

Sister

Sister, Rosamund Lipton

Sister is another debut novel from another talented writer.   It is two types of book mixed into one - a lovely story about sisters and how close they are, and also a tense crime thriller. Written from the perspective of Beatrice; her ordered and predictable life in New York is thrown into chaos when she is told her sister Tess has gone missing. She races to London to search for Tess, and when she is discovered dead, the police, her mother and her fiance all believe the simple explanation given. However, Beatrice suspects foul play and searches for a reason.

I read this one in under 24 hours. Admittedly, I was a little sick and in bed a lot, but it definitely held my attention for the whole time. I often shy away from crime novels these days, because they have unnecessary darkness in their descriptions. But this one, while implying a number of levels of darkness, did not describe them in detail, which I appreciated. 

Worth it for some light reading, especially with the rather surprising ending.

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy - A Righteous Gentile vs The Third Reich, Eric Metaxas

I spent a few weeks engrossed in this new biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

If you are anything like me, your knowledge of the rise of Nazi Germany and WWII is solely from high school history, and your knowledge of Dietrich Bonhoeffer is close to nil.  Hence I feel somewhat ill-equipped to write an informed review of this book.

Yet Metaxas has created a book that combines history, theology and a life story together into a wonderful mix. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was born and raised in Germany in the early years of the 20th century, into a family that appears to have excelled in many areas - education, music, theology, philosophy and science.  The combination of his mother (a devout and intelligent Christian woman) and his father (a highly respected psychiatrist and thinker) created a man who was intelligent, analytical, academically rigorous and musically talented.  Combined with a deep and convicting faith in God and the authority of his word, Bonhoeffer was theologically astute, devout and wise beyond his years. 

Using letters, journal entries, sermons and books by Bonhoeffer, Metaxas has created a full and vibrant picture of his life.  As you read about his life, ministry, extended family and romance in those years, woven through it you also learn of the rise of Nazi socialism in Germany in the 1930s and of the inexorable climb of Hitler to power.

As he saw the Germany he had grown up in fall into madness, racism and war, Bonhoeffer was led to ask himself what true obedience to God looked like: 

Silence in the face of evil is evil itself: God will not hold us guiltless.  Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act.

Feeling that true obedience to God's calling meant fighting the evil that had overtaken Germany, Bonhoeffer became involved with the plots to assassinate Hitler and as a result was executed in a concentration camp three weeks before the war ended.

Obviously, from a human perspective it does not have a happy ending.  However it rings out with the knowledge that Bonhoeffer followed his faith and convictions to the very end, convinced that it was the beginning of life for him:

Death is only dreadful for those who live in dread and fear of it  Death is not wild and terrible, if only we can be still and hold fast to God's Word...  Death is grace, the greatest  gift of grace that God gives to people who believe in him.  Death is mild, death is sweet and gentle; it beckons to us with heavenly power, if only we realize that it is the gateway to our homeland, the tabernacle of joy, the everlasting kingdom of peace.  (p531)

A very powerful book about one man's faith and how it defined him when faced with evil. 

The Poisonwood Bible

The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver

This is a literary masterpiece, both the writing and the story itself.

Written from 5 different perspectives: Orleanna Price, the wife of a Baptist missionary, and their 4 daughters, it weaves the story of their mission to the Congo in the 1950s and how it affects every aspect of their lives from that moment on.

I read it over 10 years ago and have recently read it again. Yet again I found it incredibly moving and somewhat exhausting to read. For the last third I could only manage a chapter or two a sitting.

Kingsolver’s writing is wonderful: her turn of phrase, her insight and her intelligence shine throughout the pages. Almost every chapter had something I could have written down as a quote to keep.  Her insights into religion, politics, race, Africa and America are wide-ranging and well informed.

Yet it’s devastating. Nathan Price, the husband and father is a fierce, fiery man, preaching hell-fire and damnation to all, never showing love to his wife, daughters or the people of Africa, and thinking himself absolutely correct in all matters of faith and the bible. In many ways he is a parody, yet a disturbingly realistic one.

With the setting in the Congo, we are given a picture of Africa which many of us are uncomfortable with: rife with corruption and greed, a puppet of the west, overwhelmed with poverty and desperation.

Just as I found The Rector’s Wife hard going from a personal perspective, I found this very hard reading as I thought more broadly about mission and how it interacts with other cultures.   We know many missionaries and they are nothing like Nathan Price; they are loving, caring people, devoted to the country they live in and its people, desiring to share Jesus with them in appropriate ways.  A book like this actually undoes much of that and there are many people who I hope never read it, for it would confirm in their minds already ill-conceived ideas about mission.

But as a fiction and a work of literature, it is wonderful.

For the longest time...

I moved a lot as a child. Dad had a job which required a lot of international moves, so we moved every 1-3 years. When I finished school I had attended 7 schools and lived in 9* houses. By the time we got married, went to college and moved to our current house, the number of houses had risen to 14. That averaged one house for every two years of my life.

Since the end of last year we have been in our house for 7 years. This house in Adelaide, which we love and which is lovingly provided by the church Husband works for - is the winner: “The house that Wendy has lived in the longest”.

Having moved so much has made me realise a few things:

1. Kids are resilient. More resilient than we often given them credit for. I was a painfully shy creature, yet I coped with move after move (I know, not all children will). For me, moving lots during primary school was no real problem, it was when we got to upper high school that it got really hard.

2. I plot the events of my childhood and remember things according to where I was living (either house or city), or which school I was at. For my husband, who attended 2 schools and lived in one house, this doesn’t work for him.

3. Family are very important. The reason I coped as well as I did was because we had a very close family. The four of us were all we needed to be happy, and we were. I had an extremely close relationship with my sister, we had to be each other’s friends until we met new friends in the new school.

4. I am always planning the next move. Until very recently we kept all boxes for appliances and everything that might need to be repacked. I often think about what I will throw out when we move.  Only in the last month have I thrown out a whole lot of this stuff.

5. Just this last year I have realised that when you are in a house for 7 years, it and the furniture & things in it really need a full clean every few years. You can’t just plan to do it properly when you move. Now I clean it because I want to live in it with it that clean.

I wonder how long it will take to get “the next move” out of my mind, or if it will always be part of who I am? 

* to be precise, there were more than 9 houses - but these include rentals during renovations, etc. 

Who is your king?

A well-needed reminder came to me via yesterday's sermon:

What message is your life and your lips sending to others?

Do they know by watching your life and your speech that Jesus is your King?

Or, does it appear that your kids, your house, your job, your appearance or your personal happiness is your King?

Who is your King?

The Novel in the Viola

The Novel in the Viola, Natasha Solomons

A trip to my mum’s over the holidays provided much of the fiction I am reviewing at the moment, and I’m glad it did, because otherwise I would probably not have bothered to pick up another novel by Natasha Solomons. Mr Rosenblum’s List was a nice book, but I didn’t love it. Her second novel, The Novel in the Viola, I really enjoyed.

Returning to a similar theme of Mr Rosenblum, that of European Jews fleeing to England in the 1930s, this time it is the story of Elise Landau. From a wealthy Viennese family, she is forced to become a parlour maid in an English country house, Tyneford, in order to secure a visa and escape Austria. However, war is looming, times & traditions are changing, and the ordered life of Tyneford is starting to buckle. While normally any interaction between the family and staff is forbidden, Elise and Kit, the heir to the manor, realise that love does not care for class distinctions. This is the novel I read after The Help, which left me pondering the many people who have ‘served’ the wealthy: the black Americans, the poorer English, etc. Our society contains many class distinctions.

This is a gentle novel. It is sad in many ways, and talks about times of real grief and suffering, yet it eases us into them. I enjoyed the insight into English life in the 1930s and wartime, and Solomons’ writing style is lovely - evocative and gentle.   Perfect for the time in which the novel is set.

If you enjoyed Mr Solomon’s List, you will really like this one.

Just a piece of paper?

Sometimes you are struck by 2 opposing opinions – one that summarises the culture that you live in and one that shows you its faults.

As you know I have been reading The Meaning of Marriage. At the same time, Husband and I have been re-watching the ABC show SeaChange.

 

What struck me was a scene between Harold and Meredith talking about marriage:

“We still have what we’ve got Hal, we don’t need a silly bit of paper.”

She goes on to say:

“There are advantages to this arrangement you know Hal. I’ve got my independence and you’ve got yours. Whatever’s between us is freely given, there are no obligations, no conditions, we’re absolutely free to be ourselves.”

Contrast it with this quote from Keller on exactly the same idea that “we don’t need a piece of paper” (ie a marriage certificate).

When the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone. How much are you willing to lose for the sake of this person? How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotion, and resources are you willing to invest in this person? And for that, the marriage vow is not just helpful but it is even a test. In so many cases, when one person says to another,”I love you, but let’s not ruin it by getting married,” that person really means, “I don’t love you enough to close off all my options. I don’t love you enough to give myself to you that thoroughly.” To say, “I don’t need a piece of paper to love you” is basically to say, “My love for you has not reached the marriage level.”. (p78)

I'll side with Keller on this one.

The Meaning of Marriage (Part 3 of 3)

Today, we continue with the second half of The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.  (first half review here)

In Chapter 4: The Mission of Marriage, Keller seeks to answer the question: what is marriage for? He decides: it is a way for two friends to help each other continue to become the people God wants them to be. This chapter started with some excellent insights into Christian friendship, which have a much wider application than marriage. True friendship provides transparency and constancy: we are open with real friends and we stand by one another. When this friendship becomes the heart of our marriage, we stand by one another as we continue to grow in Christ.

In this view of marriage, each person says to the other, “I see all your flaws, imperfections, weaknesses, dependencies. But underneath them all I see growing the person God wants you to be.”… You want to help your spouse become the person God wants them to be. (p122-3)

On a personal note, this has put into words what my husband and I have been trying to figure out for years. What was it that made us decide that marriage was the right decision for us? We didn’t really know what each of us would be like as a spouse or parent and in many ways we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. But we could see a clue of how God was working in each other and we decided we wanted to be a part of that.

This also provides insight for those who are seeking a marriage partner.   A Christian friend is the first place to look, if friendship is there, you could then consider marriage.  This is a much better way than seeking someone you are attracted to first, then checking to see whether a true friendship will follow.

Marriage is incredibly powerful and therefore it must have the priority in your life:

Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won’t matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength. However, if our marriage is weak, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are marked by success and strength, it won’t matter. You will move out into the world in weakness. Marriage has that kind of power – the power to set the course of your whole life. (p 131, my emphasis)

In Chapter 5: Loving the Stranger, Keller follows on with this idea and presents 3 ways to help a couple on the journey of becoming the people God wants them to be: the power of truth, the power of love and the power of grace. 

Marriage brings you truth – the truth about who you really are.

Marriage shows you are realistic, unflattering picture of who you are and then takes you by the scruff of the neck and forces you to pay attention to it. (p140)

At the same time, marriage also has the power of love “an unmatched power to affirm you and heal you of the deepest wounds and hurts of your life. (p146) For example, even if you have never felt you are beautiful, the affirmation of a spouse who insists you are beautiful will finally help you to believe it. Of course, there is a warning here for us all – our power as a spouse to hurt is far greater than the power of any other person:

The one person in the whole world who holds your heart in her hand, whose approval and affirmation you most long for and need, is the one who is hurt more deeply by your sins than anyone else on the planet. (p162)

We need to figure out how to balance both truth and love in a marriage, so that we address issues truthfully, but also in love and carefully. For this we need grace. Two of the most important skills in marriage are forgiveness and repentance. “Only if we are very good at forgiving and very good at repenting can truth and love be kept together” (p163). We only have this power because we follow the example of Christ and his saving death for us:

A deep experience of the grace of God knowledge that you are sinner saved by grace – will enable the power of truth and love to work together in your marriage. (p168)

This is a helpful chapter which highlights the power you hold as a spouse, and how we must use it very carefully, and for good.

In Chapter 6: Embracing the Other, Kathy Keller becomes the primary voice. Here she discusses the differences of men and women in marriage and the problem such differences can create. She goes on to explain the bible passages that point towards a complementarian view of marriage and then fleshes out some practical ways that may look in a marriage. To be honest, I tend to skim over these chapters in marriage books now, I agree with it so I don’t interact with it too closely. However, they do include a helpful appendix on Decision Making and Gender Roles. We find that most engaged and newly married couples think decision making is the main way that a marriage based on the Ephesians 5 model of headship and submission is defined. We are quick to point out that headship and submission is so much more than decision making, and in fact it is rarely about decision making. However in including the appendix, the Kellers have provided a helpful framework for couples working through this issue.

In Chapter 7: Singleness and Marriage, Keller covers singleness, bringing 1 Corinthians 7 into focus. What he says here is helpful – that Christian society should not elevate marriage to a special status when your life truly begins, but neither should we shun marriage for our careers or until we find a perfect mate – which we never will. He talks about some principles for dating and also some practical guidance for those who are single and potentially seeking marriage. Some of these I thought were helpful, they included:

• there are seasons not to seek marriage – upheaval, transitions, etc
• understand the gift of singleness - that is that there are some increased opportunities for ministry that singleness brings
• seek marriage more seriously as you get older, and understand that others do the same. How you behave in a dating relationship is different at 18 than it is at 35.
• do not allow involvement with an unbeliever (Kathy Keller summarises her main points in this recent blog post)

In the final chapter, Chapter 8: Sex and Marriage, Keller looks at the role of sex in a marriage, and finds it is a crucial part, which binds two people together:

Sex is perhaps the most powerful God-created way to help you give your entire self to another human being. Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, “I belong completely, permanently and exclusively to you”. You must not use sex for anything less. (p223-4)

They present a very healthy and positive view of sex within the framework of marriage. They exhort people to wait until they are married, and then to enjoy sex and all its benefits, and to continue to make sex a priority in a marriage.

I highly recommend this book. As I said on Monday, it is useful for anyone who wants to think about marriage from God’s perspective. Read it and be encouraged by the vision of how good marriage can be. Then, for those who are married, think about how this can change your marriage for the better.

The Meaning of Marriage (Part 2 of 3)

After yesterday’s brief review of The Meaning of Marriage, today I will go through the first half in more detail:

In Chapter 1: The Secret of Marriage, Keller states that secret of marriage is the gospel, for the gospel helps us to understand marriage and marriage helps us to understand the gospel. It is through the gospel that we find the power and the pattern for marriage:

God’s saving love in Christ...is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. (p48)

The truth and love combined in the gospel gives us the power and the knowledge of how to be married.

It is true that marriage is hard work, but it is worth it:

Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories. (p21)

Keller also deals with a very helpful misconception in this chapter: the idea that we have to find our soul mate, the perfect person to marry. No, he says, we never marry the ‘right person’. For 2 reasons: we change throughout our lives and we are sinful.

In Chapter 2: The Power for Marriage, Keller unpacks the idea that is in the Holy Spirit who helps us to have the power for marriage, working against the main enemy of marriage – the sinful self-centredness of our hearts.

Only if you have the ministry of the Spirit in your life will you be fully furnished to face the challenges of marriage in general. And only if you are filled with the Spirit will you have all you need to perform the duty of serving your spouse in particular. (p52-3)

He challenges us to look at the reasons for issues in a marriage:

When facing any problem in marriage, the first thing you look for at the base of it is, in some measure, self-centredness and an unwillingness to serve or minister to the other. (p59)

Making it a priority to know, fear and serve the Lord Jesus gives us power and strength for this type of marriage and helps us to continue to want to serve the other and let go of our self-centredness.

I found this chapter particularly helpful in thinking through where many issues in marriage come from – our desire to put ourselves first, rather than serve first.

Chapter 3: The Essence of Marriage helps us to consider what is at the centre of marriage – love. But so much more than that – a covenantal love. A love that is a promise and a commitment, a love that promises to last the future, not just the present.

When the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone. How much are you willing to lose for the sake of this person? How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotion, and resources are you willing to invest in this person? (p78)

A marriage is a covenant relationship, one is that is a covenant made both between two people, but also between a person and God. In the marriage ceremony you make promises before God: “Will you take this woman to be your wife?” is not answered to the wife, but to God: “I will”. Then you make promises to each other.

[A covenant] is a relationship far more intimate and personal that a merely legal, business relationship. Yet at the same time, it is far more durable, binding and unconditional that one based on mere feeling and affection. A covenant relationship is a stunning blend of law and love. (p84, my emphasis)

Not only that but the covenant love of a marriage declares much more that a current love for one another, but a future intention to continue to love:

In a wedding you stand up before God, your family, and all the main institutions of society, and you promise to be loving, faithful and true to the other person in the future, regardless of undulating internal feelings or external circumstances. (p87)

Therefore in any marriage, there will be times when we must choose to continue to love our spouses, when it doesn’t come easily. Love at this point is action, not feeling. It is decision to follow through on the promise previously made.

Each of these chapters had helpful insights both for me and others whom we talk about marriage with. Lots to think about and lots to work on!

More coming tomorrow...

The Meaning of Marriage (Part 1)

The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller

Another book on marriage has entered the Christian world and it is a good one.  

Timothy Keller has done his Christian audience a great service with this book. This is not another ‘how to be married book’: how to communicate, how to deal with arguments, etc.  Those types of books do have great value, especially for those who are engaged or in the early years of marriage (one of our recent favourites is Now That You Are Engaged – reviewed here).

What Keller has done is to lift our vision of marriage much higher that just the husband and wife. He places God squarely at the centre of every marriage and as the creator of marriage.

He seeks to provide an answer to questions such as: What is meaning of marriage? Why does marriage exist? What does it mean to enter a covenant? What is Christian friendship, and how does it find its fullest expression in marriage? Where does the power to continue in marriage come from? How then shall we view singleness?

Keller strongly grounds this work in the word of God, and ends up providing a very helpful framework of marriage as being a relationship of Christian friendship, promised in a covenant of love, powered by the Holy Spirit.

Last year, I reviewed Married for God by Christopher Ash in some detail. At the time I thought it filled a void in the market for marriage books: one that actually described marriage from God’s perspective. This one stands beside it well.

It would be very good for:

• already married couples to raise their eyes to the purpose of their relationship
• for engaged couples, to give them a solid grounding in God’s view of marriage and the importance of the relationship
• for anyone wanting to think ‘theologically’ about marriage
• for young people, to ensure they have a God-centred view of marriage as they approach their relationships and life choices.

I think is probably an easier read than Married for God and I found it more logical on some points.  Personally, I also found it more encouraging and less dry.

All in all a very good book for anyone who wants to think about marriage theologically. Which all of us should!

Over the next two days, I will delve into this book in a bit more depth, covering Ch 1-3 tomorrow and Ch 4-8 on Wednesday. That gives me a chance to think through it more, and to whet your appetite to read it yourself! 

The Help

The Help, Kathryn Stockett

This is Kathryn Stockett’s debut novel. And what a debut - this is a strong, intelligent book.

It’s Jackson, Mississippi in 1962 and Miss Skeeter is home from college wanting to be a journalist, yet having failed (in her mother’s eyes) to find a husband. The woman who raised her, the coloured help Constantine, has gone with no explanation. At the same time, two other maids, Aibileen and Minny work for her friends. They raise the children, care for the home and cook for everyone, yet are expected to use separate bathrooms to their white employers.

As Skeeter starts to question the very life into which she has been born - the segregated south - she, Aibileen and Minny embark on a journey to tell the story of the ‘help’.

It’s poignant, sad, astonishing, frightening and funny. It makes you question how white people could possibly be so ignorant and racist. Then you stop to think about the history of the USA, Australia, South Africa, Europe, etc and you realise that we have been at it for many years. Having said that, next week’s book (The Novel in the Viola) reminded me that race may actually have nothing to do with it, but rather money or status - more to come on that!

This book is well worth the read, both for the wonderful piece of writing that it is, but also for the eye-opening piece of history that it offers.

The Promise

The Promise

Do you have any understanding of the Arab/Israeli situation?  How it all started in the late 1940s and how it looks today?   I don't, never having looked into it in detail or understood the small amount I knew.  Now I'm sure TV dramas don't get all details right, but I really enjoyed this and it opened my eyes into some of the complexities of the situation.

The Promise is a 4 part drama series that was screened by SBS towards the end of last year.   

It combines two stories.  The first is of Len, a British soldier part of the post-WWII peace-keeping force in Palestine.  At the time when Jews were fleeing Europe after the horrors of WWII, those who chose to settle in Palestine often clashed with the Palestinians living there.   He has sympathies for the Jews having witnessed some of the atrocities of concentration camps; yet also befriends an Arab, Mohammed and becomes involved with his family.

At the same time, we meet Claire, Len's granddaughter, who has discovered his diary of those days.  Travelling to Israel on a gap year with a friend, and hosted by her rich Israeli family, she sets out to track down Mohammed's family.  Travelling to the West Bank, Hebron and Gaza, her eyes are opened into the current situation in Israel today. I wouldn't have thought any 18 year old would be quite as blithely stupid as she was wandering into war zones, yet then, you never know - at 18 you do think you are invincible! 

I found it very interesting, very moving and quite believable.  It managed to convey both sides of the issues well, although I think in the end the Israelis ended up looking worse.  I cannot comment on the accuracy, but I appreciated some of the insights.

It's no longer on the SBS website, but my guess is they will show it again in 2012.  More details are on the British Channel 4 website.  Look out for it on TV, or in your local library.

Jane Austen in Scarsdale

Jane Austen in Scarsdale, Paula Marantz Cohen

Is it true there are very few original stories out there?

Why is there an enduring literary obsession with Jane Austen?

I must say I don't fully understand it, but sometimes I do enjoy it. Jane Austen in Scarsdale is Paula Marantz Cohen's modern version of Persuasion.  Anne fell in love with Ben at 21 but her family persuaded her that he wasn't good enough.  Thirteen years later she is working as a high school guidance counselor and Ben re-enters her life when his nephew enrols at the school.

For those who know the story you can, of course, predict the ending. 

It is lovely, light and witty reading: a love story with astute observations about students and parents thrown in for entertainment.  Perfect for a summer holiday or a lazy afternoon.

* If anyone has a copy of Jane Austen in Boca, a Pride and Prejudice rewrite, I would love to borrow it - no library near me seems to have it!