Shepherding a Child's Heart

Shepherding a Child's Heart, Tedd Tripp

I have heard many favourable reviews of this book over the years, so was looking forward to reading it.

Here are the things I liked:

• The principle that you have to shepherd a child's heart. The heart is from where all things spring, where attitudes, behavour, speech, etc come from. Therefore, we must be seeking to change their hearts and help align them to God's.

• The insistence that parents are in charge and they need to act like it. God has given parents their job on earth to raise their children and they need to do it well, pro-actively and in line with God's truths.

• That communication is a key to this shepherding. Communication helps children to understand what they do and help us to understand our children. Communication can include encouragement, instruction, entreaty, rebuke, prayer, etc.


• That another key is the appeal to the conscience, especially in later years.

All of these things were helpful and I think, correct.


However, my main problem with the book coloured my whole impression of it. Tripp has a very strong emphasis on the use of the 'rod' as discipline (ie. smacking). He claims that God commands the use of the rod (taking verses from Proverbs), therefore as parents we are obeying God if we are including physical punishment in our discipline and even more strongly, he claims that if we do not use the rod as parents we are actually being disobedient.

My concern with this was mainly theological. I am not at all convinced that the sayings in Proverbs are meant to be taken as commands. They are wise sayings about general truths, but they are not commands, nor are they guarantees. Also, how literally does one take this? He has interpreted using the rod as a smack (or several) on a bare bottom. However, could using the rod mean actually hitting a child with something? Why does he interpret it to be a smack? Could the rod be a term to encompass all discipline measures, not just physical ones? (my decision not to study Hebrew at college lets me down again!)

My other concern is practical. I do not think there is a 'one-size' fits all scenario in discipline. I will say that the care he went to outline the procedure one would take in using 'the rod' did have all the checks and balances in place that one would hope for if punishing children physically, ie. never do it angry, always be in control, tell your children why, ensure they understand, etc. However, I just don't think it's that necessary. I am not anti-smacking, but I am not convinced it is generally that effective.


My other two general concerns are:

• He claims he presents the only God-inspired way to raise children. I am wary of anyone who claims that they alone have managed to interpret God's will for us and his way of doing things, and that virtually every other author on a subject is wrong. It just seems a little over-confident to me.

• There weren't many practical examples. Yes, there were some, but I found it hard to actually see when & how I would implement a number of his suggestions. I understand you want to teach children the things of God, and show them how their hearts would look, but I still found it hard to figure out how some of those things would weave naturally into conversations. Having said that, some of his suggestions I am using already.
  

Anyway, if you have read it, I would love to know what you thought!