Tuesday, August 11, 2009

At home and not happy - pt 2

A few weeks ago, I had a post about an article in Adelaide's Child, written by a woman who struggles being at home, and was quite honest about it. I didn't emphasise it in my post, but she was quite negative about her husband and the help she receives from him. Jenny has noted a reply in this month's Child magazine, by a man who noted that his wife's similar attitude ended being a catalyst for the end of their marriage.
If I went away on a business trip, it was labeled a 'junket' or 'holiday... House tasks were done by her before I'd even noticed they needed to be done, then I was resented for not doing them. The tension increased steadily, and I started drinking regularly to escape. I was told most days about my lack of contribution, about how easy my life was in comparison to hers, about my ever-growing list of inadequacies. One day, after three years, I couldn't take it anymore ... so I walked out... Our marriage ended on that day, despite subsequent attempts to renegotiate behaviours...

So my advice to those unhappy stay-at-home parents - male or female - is to mentally reframe your situation in a more positive light, and stop thinking it's all about you...It is temporary and will pass, and you'll get your life back. You wanted kids, and this all goes with the territory - don't damage or destroy your relationship because of a temporary situation. And don't forget your partner...
It's a letter that's as open and honest as the original article was, with some helpful counters to it.

As Jenny says, it is certainly a challenge to those of us who are tempted to complain, to realise that our husbands are not the enemy. And (by the way) neither are the kids!

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